Reset Your Life With Love

“As we enter 2018, it might help to reacquaint ourselves with the numerology essence of the number 18, which has to do with humanitarianism, independence, and building something of lasting benefit. The underlying idea of the essence of the number 18 is the welfare of humanity; 18 is tolerant and compassionate, mixing easily with others, including planning and executing projects, yet tends to do the actions of what it considers the most important either by itself or as the leader - at its own determination.”
— Mickie Kent

In employing the numerological qualities of 18 we can all actively try to make our 2018 better. In the spirit of that, I'm going to drop 18 pointers here, which you can add to your resolutions.

Use them throughout the year, and this time round in 2019, you'll be stronger than ever. Just remember, don't thank me, thank yourself.

1. Cut toxic people from your life - with love. Firmly, but kindly, explain the situation. If circumstances change, then so can your decision, but until the negativity goes, you're gone. If people aren't adding value to your life, whether it be friendships or relationships, don't be afraid to put you first and cut ties with them. It might be clichéd to say, but it's so empowering to do. And now is the perfect time.
2. Learn how to accept defeat when you need to, and know when to move on. You know how the saying goes: You should fight for what you want. But sometimes you need to know when things aren't worth the fight any more. There's no shame in accepting defeat and moving on with your life. In fact, you're better off leaving behind people, things, and places that aren't right for you. Trust me.
3. Declutter everything digital, including bringing your email to zero. You look at your phone and laptop every day, so they should be just as clean as your working and living spaces. Seeing an ever-growing number on anything can be stressful, but especially on your emails. The longer you leave your increasing unread emails untouched, the less likely you are to ever do anything about it. So start the year right to keep your inbox manageable throughout the year. Take it one step further. Do a total digital clean-out: Remove apps you no longer use, delete photos you don't need, clear your old laptop downloads, and change your backgrounds for a fresh look in time for the new year.
4. Do a major closet clean-out. And do a deep clean of everything else, like your house, your car, and your work desk. Move from the digital clean-out to the domestic one before the professional do-over. We often put up with mess with the mindset of "I'll clean it when I have time". But the thing is, you'll never really have the time for it if you don't make time for it. If you do a major clean at the start of the year, it's so much easier to maintain for the rest of the year. Start with your closet. Just get rid of everything you don't need or don't use. Stop holding on to clothes you've not worn in the last six months or that you'll "fit into one day", and declutter your life. You'll have more space and feel a lot less guilty when you do buy something new!
5. DON'T write a list of goals by year, month, and week. That's right. DON'T. Write a daily list instead. Attack the year head-on a day at a time and you'll find your long term goals will feel like they're taking care of themselves.
6. Put a focus on a good night's sleep. After your declutter, decorate your bedroom and turn it into a temple of rest. Sex and rest. Both are healing.
7. Put your health first, both mental and physical. There are lots of tips on this blog on how to do just that, just remember: Getting healthy for your New Year's resolution shouldn't just be focused on your physical health. Sure, running on a treadmill is great but it won't do much for your mind if you're tired and stressed. Try meditation, breathing exercises, or even talking to a professional if you feel you need it.
8. Ask for help when you need it. It's not shameful to ask for assistance when it's needed, both in your work and personal life. It's not weak to ask for help, and you should get into the habit of reaching out to others when you can't do, or handle, something yourself.
9. Challenge yourself by finding a new hobby or committing to learning something new. If you have bad habits you want to change, it might be time to find a new hobby to fill your time. Replace just ONE hour of your five hours of Netflix time a week with gardening, or even learning a new language. By the year's end, you'll feel accomplished that you stuck to something and gained a new skill.
10. Look up at the night sky every night. Yes, really. It's a nightly manual reset. It will ground you and at the same time take your breath away. We all need more of those moments.
11. Change your perspective. Perspective really is key to your happiness. In 2018, try to change your thinking, and stop comparing what you have and what you're doing to others. Or, if you're stuck in a "now" mindset, try to look at the bigger picture.
12. Don't say yes to things you don't really want to do. Something I learned late this year was that you don't owe anyone anything. You're not obligated to do anything, and you definitely shouldn't feel guilty for taking time for you. If you're not in the mood to do something, or if you're too tired and would prefer sleep, you should feel confident in saying no when you feel you need to in 2018.
13. Review your finances, set goals, and create a savings plan. Boring, I know, but it really is good to do. Even if your goal is something small like a weekend getaway, analysing your spending habits and finding where you have more room to save will make rewarding yourself easier. It might be as simple as eating out one less day a week for a few months to afford those shoes you've always wanted.
14. Actively try to do something nice for someone every day. Think about how good you feel when someone randomly compliments you when you're feeling shitty. It really doesn't have to be anything big, but being nicer to people will not only make their day, but it'll make you feel better about yourself too!
15. Buy yourself a plant. Hang on, hear me out. It sounds silly, I know, but buying something that you need to take care of will teach you responsibility and give you a routine. The five minutes out of your day that it'll take to water your plant will give you five minutes to yourself, and you don't realise how valuable five minutes of unplugged alone time can be.
16. Go fuck yourself. As in masturbate. Practice physical self-love as often as possible WITH love and awareness. Dump the shame. Masturbation releases tension and is a healing process, which helps us to learn about our bodies and their emotional content. Whether you are singled or coupled, masturbation is a tool for foreplay and afterplay. Work your sexual energy with love and respect, and you'll find those so important, but often ignored, sexual energies working for you.
17. Find something to be grateful for every day. Even if it seems the most insignificant thing to be grateful for, hang on to that feeling of gratitiude and nurture it. Watch it grow when you do, and reap the rewards throughout the new year.
18. And leave any and all bad vibes in 2017 where they belong. Sure, 2017 had some shitty moments but what exactly are you going to gain by dragging drama from the past into the new year? Start fresh and leave all the negativity in 2017 where it belongs.

Yours in love,

True Twin Flame Stories-7

Click here to attract your own twin flame NOW!

My grandmother believed wholeheartedly that Life (with a capital L) is a one word philosophy - Love. When we believe in this, life will believe in us, she used to say. But WE have to believe first.

Here I share some more homespun wisdom amongst the many emails I get daily from readers sharing their true twin flame love stories.

Lisa says:

Please help, I am so confused, I met a guy on Facebook, re-met actually as we knew who the other was when we were younger, some thirty years ago. We started mailing and very quickly and unexpectedly developed intense feelings for each other, it was all consuming for both of us and we both said we couldn't stop even if we wanted to. This continued for two months, then he became ill, after this he just switched off, began acting without integrity, I still have no idea what I done, now he won't even talk to me. It was during the first two months that I discovered twin flames, I had no idea about them before this. There was no doubt in my mind, that I was connected to this man on a spiritual level and was meant to be with him, now I am beginning to doubt my feelings, what do you think? I would appreciate any advice."

If your twin flame runs from you then you know how it feels to be deeply hurt, shocked and confused, because your twin flame is seemingly deserting you and your connection. You may be left pondering how your twin flame can ignore the most profound and amazing LOVE he could ever experience. Why is he suddenly in denial when it can only cause him pain?

It seems so at odds, right? How can someone physically run away from the best thing that could ever happen to them, and opt for torment and a lesser life in comparison? And why would the universe bring to you your twin soul, with whom you will share the strongest connection possible, if not to connect?

Why, indeed. Not surprising, then, that when this happens you start to doubt everything. Are you mad or this is this some kind of punishment? Suddenly all the spiritual awareness awakened within you upon meeting your twin flame is thrown into doubt. You lose faith in everything and for a while stop believing in twin flames altogether.

Worse still, you may think he just doesn't care about you. Maybe he doesn't love you as much as you love him, after all, and it is an unrequited love. Maybe you even think that this person hates you, or thinks you aren't good enough for them.

But if this person is truly your twin flame, I can tell you the doubts you have are not real. The reason they have become a runner is because of fear, not hate: The fear of rejection or a repeat of past mistakes, the fear it is simply a trick, or the fear of surrendering himself so completely to you. These fears could have been intensified by his illness.

But have heart: This is the purpose of the runner stage. Firstly, to discover whether he/she REALLY is your twin flame, or just a karmic relationship preparing you for the real thing, and secondly, to get you both on a journey of discovery where you bond over the revelation of your fears. Taking the paths of truth, trust and transparency will bring you closer in that communication.

I don't know you or this person you speak about, but what I do know is that it is a difficult process. It may be that, as the chaser, you have to make all the effort, only to realise that he is a character you will have to write out of your story (if it was meant to happen then why not thirty years ago?) But that is where my advice ends and your life begins.

Next up, Whitney's mail asks about twin flame intimacy during separation:

I'm struggling to clarify my 'take' on TFs: Did twins just agree (before coming to earth) that 3D energy/experiences would be cleared and unconditionally forgiven? If twins are eternally bonded and always seeking each other, when they fall in love/make love with others are they connecting their twin/sacred union somehow, remaining monogamous (the 'somehow' is what I am trying to understand). It's sounds like truth bending based on 3D/earth 'rules', but if twins are breaking down the illusion of separation and duality then it seems plausible."

Before I answer your question, I have often said I am more concerned with the practical side of twin flame relationships and getting them to work in the real world. Twin flames are organic and temporal as well as spiritual because we are animals influenced by our environment - from the uplifting music we hear to the processed food we throw at our digestive systems. This is why I have also focused on our physical and psychological wellbeing when covering the topic of true love.

Naturally, I have also touched upon the metaphysical, numerical, esoteric and deeply spiritual issues of the twin flame phenomena, because these are integral to a deeper understanding. However, you shouldn't need to know the how to feel the pow, as I say in my articles about tantric sex secrets.

Importantly, though, this sudden awareness of the superordinary can cause overwhelm, and explain why we run away from it in the first place. It is a deep connection to the core of our being, and depending on how you process things organically - whether you believe this connection is a gift from God, the universe or whatever higher beliefs you choose to hold - it will hit you deep in your core.

Shocking a sleepwalking conciousness can result in not just heightened exhilaration and a jump start to our dulled senses, it can also trigger our fear and cause us to run. Not being religious or spiritual doesn't provide immunity from true love, or the sudden spiritual awakening that happens when you meet that special someone, but framing our feelings in a more physically grounded way might make the more pragmatic amongst us NOT want to run away from fear of ridicule.

We need time to accept the changes, to become aware that there IS more to life than what meets the eye. There is a whole universe out there not based on the organic, but one that illuminates from behind it, like candlelight through darkened glass. We may not CONSCIOUSLY realise this, but be assured that deep down we KNOW there is some unspecified beyond which defies all organic labels.

Ultimately, I believe there is a purpose to looking though a glass darkly - your take on twin flames should be whatever resonates with you. It has to be your individual interpretation. I have shared many theories on twin flames here, but the truth is no one really knows the science behind it for certain. We are still learning and will always be students of this phenomena.

When you are attempting to squeeze the spiritual into the organic, it is best to remember that what differentiates twin flame relationships from other relationships is a spiritual dimension. Sometimes for one to accommodate the other we have to suspend something, but whatever our indvidual Truth is, it HAS to work in partnership with the physical world.

Sometimes that may look like it is "bending" as you put it in your letter - like light appears to when it penetrates water - but really it is the science of twin flames at work, the rules of which we can theorise about forever but never really know. And in response to your mail, I think you already "know" the answer to your question. It reads more like you are sounding out your own thoughts. To try and give you a definitive answer would be MY answer not YOURS, and there are many theories out there theorising how our souls may connect before we physically meet, or how souls twinned from the same flame make love without the need for bodies.

Some experts call this "sacred intimacy" or telepathic sex. It suggests souls need sex like bodies do and it can help us get through twin separations. But the real physical pain felt during the runner stage shows that this type of spiritual connection, when separate for whatever reason, isn't often enough in the long term.

We may be connected on a higher level even if we never meet, but we need to meet on this organic level, too. Our bodies are the conduits for the energy that must join and multiply. With other partners we make love with our bodies, senses and emotions (and sometimes not even all three sadly) but we only make love with our entire body and soul with our twin flame. Due to its unique nature there is no way to experience this with someone else and so is in effect monogamous by its very nature.

Moreover, it is not breaking some spiritual monogamous convenant between souls to have had physical sex with others before or during separation, because all of these will be learning curves for us to figure out just what it is we REALLY want and thus go in search for it. This is where the "cleansing" and "clearing" process comes in.

Keep in mind that what is unconditional is the love, not the journey. Sometimes we may find our twin flame from the first, sometimes we don't - sometimes we find true love and lose it on the temporal plane all too quickly.

Moving to touch upon the briefness of life, Ashley writes the hardest question:

What are you supposed to do when your twin flame is killed suddenly? I used to be the one who'd run and he wouldn't let me go. I've never been closer to another human being. He was the love of my life. Now he's gone in a motorcycle accident. What do I do??!!"

Firstly, I am so, so sorry for your loss. This is such a difficult question to answer because there is no answer I can give you that will sufficiently help ease your pain, BUT let me emphasise that you need to have support during this difficult period.

I strongly advise seeing a grief counsellor and surrounding yourself with a select support group. It goes without saying twin flame separation under normal circumstances is as painful as grief, but when that loss is permanent on the temporal plane, the situation can seem completely hopeless.

Secondly, and though it may not seem so now, the reason the pain is so great will in time become the support to get you through your loss. For although the physical connection has gone, the spiritual connection is still there (it is eternal) and you can employ that sacred intimacy whenever you feel the loss the most.

This doesn't mean that you should lock yourself away in your mind. Part of the healing process is to get up and out and put your feet on the street. You are living for two now, you will and indeed must love again. In living and loving you celebrate his short life. Your successes will be his and your love for him will fill you always.

As to your very fair question, I can't surmise the purpose of why your physical connection was all too brief. But as difficult as it is to believe, there is one. The major reason is locked somewhere inside you. A minor one could be as a lesson to all those runners out there who read this to realise not to waste any more time. Life is beautiful. Let's live it fully. Let's live it soulfully.

On a lighter note, Amly says:

Thanks a lot lot lot lot lot for you fantastic site!! I thought I was getting crazy... until I someone did tell me I did met my twin flame... I never heard of this concept, but after having explored your site day after day, I did learn I am not getting mad at all, but I did "just" feel "twin flame love"... What an experience... Thanks for guiding me on my path thanks to your blog!!

PS: I am very interested in reading your book "tantric sex secrets for twin flames", but there are only some pages on your websites. Can I buy the whole book somewhere? Thanks for helping me!!"

And finally Teresa also asks:

I am very interested in buying your book, Tantric Sex Secrets for Twin Flames but I did not see an option on your website to buy it.

Can you please tell me how I can buy your book?"

Thank you both so much for your kind words and interest. I actually have a triology of books in the works including "Tantric Sex Secrets for Twin Flames". These learning guides are five years in the making and are not for sale. I am writing them foremost for myself (as it is the best way I learn) and to share with my friends. If I decide to share them fully I will do so from here (by updating and unlocking the pages) and you will be the first to know.

Read other true stories: -1 -2 -3 -4 -5 -6

Yours in love,

When Love Falls Silent

“Extensive research has shown that the average human speaks over 7,000 words a day. Some believe that words (and numbers) carry such powerful energy that, if used correctly, they can positively transform your life. A kind word, a cruel word, we can feel its impact keenly. The words we use or hear can even improve your posture, release stress and gain more confidence. And if there’s a goal you’re trying to reach, a pattern that you’re trying to break or a skill you’re looking to improve, learning how to use words to enhance any area of your life is believed to have helped many in need. Whatever you believe, it's true the words we use each day can have an astonishingly positive impact on our lives - if we learn how to use them correctly.”
— Mickie Kent

Listen. Where are you reading this right now? Focus on your surroundings. Are you in a quiet room of your house? In the subdued atmosphere of a library? In the brimming bustle of an open public space? What is it you hear?

What you hear is phenomenal. Each sound, like each word, has its own power and vibration because of the meaning it carries; even its absence. When sounds fall quiet, when our words stop, something will inevitably come to fill its vacuum - colours, images, our thoughts fill a silent moment, or continue what words fail to elucidate.

The underlying meanings continue. For their absence would mean a deeper vacuum. It would mean the very absence of self. And every time you neglect yourself or you're not true to yourself or you don't face your fears, you could be energetically dying, without even knowing it.

They say this energetic form of death arises when you have a job that breaks your spirit, or when you stay in an unhealthy relationship. Basically, every time you're not true to yourself or don't face your fears, it's believed you're energetically dying a little bit. Like absences of meaning - it's unnatural - and yet this vacuum is becoming more prominent in our lives.

You can hear it in the words we use with each other and ourselves. It's a prime indicator of how much meaning we have in our lives. Listen to yourself today as you interact with your loved ones. Focus on the words you use. Be aware of your internal chatter, and the words you unconsciously have chosen to use in a conversation with your subconscious.

"Today I will make a list. I will focus on my goals. I won't waste time on social media. I will make things happen."

Does this sounds familiar? Today came and went. You didn't make a list. There are no ticks on your checklist. You may have wasted hours of your life on social media. You have achieved little. Your goals and ambitions remain unfulfilled and you vow to do better tomorrow.

Tomorrow comes and goes. Nothing changes. You start to feel like a failure and mentally beat yourself up for your inability to just get on with it. Before you know it, you are berating yourself for past failures too.

The cycle continues and you find yourself locked in the merry-go-round of negativity. You desperately want to get off and find a way to move forwards, calming and with purpose. But have you listened to your choice of words? And what they mean? Or how they make you feel? Whenever there's a public disaster why do we wait for a speech from those we elect? To help give us meaning. What they say, how they say it, can help form the current mood.

"Things never go right. If only I could get a grip."

Ever wonder why you can't move forward? In today's 24/7 culture, it is easy to fall victim to the many distractions available to us. Social media, online shopping, satellite TV - they all help us to create diversions from the tasks we really need to complete. The constant mind chatter of what ifs, maybes, should haves and shouldn't haves are constantly hijacking your attention (and your mood) - yet there is an even greater force preventing you from focusing on what you need to do.

Not only is this greater force preventing you from achieving your personal best, it is actively destroying your ability to live in the moment and enjoy life. That's greater force is your own mind. And part of its positive armoury are the words we consciously choose to formulate with it. They are also the weapons with the destructive means to dent it.

"I just can't seem to concentrate on anything. I'm so anxious. All I ever do is worry. It stops me from getting on with stuff."

Do you wish you could switch off that inner negative voice? Does this sound like you? Take some time out and try this simple experiment... Sit down. Switch off your phone and any other form of technology. Allow yourself just two minutes to focus on your breathing. How many times did your mind wander away from your breathing? Maybe you heard a noise and couldn't resist the urge to find out what it was? Perhaps a colleague or friend said something to annoy you and you found yourself brooding about it. Quite possibly, you just felt impatient, restless or bored.

You probably found this task more difficult than you thought it would be. You discover with the 2 minute breathing exercise that focusing the mind on one task isn't easy. Our minds are so overloaded; we struggle to switch off for the shortest time. But listen to the space you are reading this in right now. Focus on your surroundings. What is it you hear? More specifically what words can you hear going around your brain? Are you worried about something currently? Do you find yourself thinking: "I don't know what will happen if...?"

Visualise a situation where you have to raise a difficult issue or ask for something. Maybe you want to ask a favour of an acquaintance or ask your boss for a promotion. Your imagination take on a life of its own as you imagine yourself engaged in conversation with that person. You may feel anxious or angry as you think about what will happen - you just know what they will say to you. You may even enjoy imagining your response as you play the whole scenario out in your head - fantasising about how you will respond to their criticism or refusal. As the curtain comes down on the final scene, you decide that you won't ask them after all. It was a silly idea. It would never have worked out.

Now take a step back. Do you really know what would have happened? Would that person have reacted in the way you imagined? Maybe their response would have been different (and more positive) to how you assumed it would be. Most of us can probably relate to this. It all sounds harmless enough, until you imagine how many missed opportunities occur because of the way your own imagination has worded and rejected the possibility that things could have worked out differently. Your negative thought process has hoodwinked you into believing that good things can't happen to you; that things will never change. Suddenly, it doesn't sound harmless at all.

This is the point when negative speaking/thinking becomes serious. It is at this point which the negative inner voice can wreak the worst damage, adversely affecting your health and well-being. If you have ever suffered a similar episode, you will know it is difficult to overcome. When you hit that moment where your mood is starting to lift, ingrained thought processes and negative behaviours can limit your ability to recover. Worse still, you can find yourself slipping into depressive episodes heightened anxiety states.

Wake the mind to the power of words

To defend against "mental darkness" and its vacuum, in my post "Love is Not What You Think" I write that we have to awaken the mind by concious focusing - and being aware of the words we use is an important part of that. When we wake the mind to the power of words, we wake the mind WITH the power of words.

And when unwanted thoughts and negative behaviour patterns are holding you back from personal happiness and fulfilment, there is a way forward. The practice of mindfulness, a meditative practice with Buddhist roots, is a very popular form of concious focusing. It's one way which can help you regain control. Through mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MCBT), and its counterpart mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR), you can identify negative thoughts and behaviours and learn strategies to combat them.

What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness isn't just a new, trendy buzzword. It isn't merely the 'in thing' for new age therapists or the latest fad being offered offices and schools. Mindfulness is a very real, accessible technique that you can learn. It is a technique, an understanding, which enables you to take control and move your life forward; helping you to set yourself free from the negative cycle but stops you enjoying life to the full.

It is suitable for people from all walks of life. The common thread that links them is a desire to take control and banish the effects of negative thought processes and behaviours - so they can enjoy life, here and now, as it really is.

Why do we need mindfulness?

Paying attention to just one thing is challenging. We are simply not used to it. We very rarely focus on one thought or task at a time. Our thoughts take over. Often our minds are on autopilot, randomly bringing up negative experiences and thoughts from the past - plunging our present into disarray. Missed opportunities, strained relationships and unfulfilled personal goals are just some of the undesirable outcomes of our own negative thoughts patterns.

Be mindful in all that you can do and you will learn how to be. In doing so mindfulness can benefit you in many ways. It can bring increase motivation and a sharper focus on tasks. It can help you live in the here and now. There will be no more dwelling on the past. It will give you increased ability to make decisions and take action. It will help you switch off from unpleasant thoughts and focus on the present moment.

It will give you the freedom from negative behaviours that hold you back in various aspects of your life. It will help you feel successful and in control. It will help you achieve your goals. You will feel at ease with yourself and pat yourself on the back at the end of the day. You'll find yourself with him happy relationships and collaborations and with increased happiness, health and well-being.

However, some argue the growing popularity of mindfulness conceals a dark truth society must confront. Emma Barnett, writing for The Telegraph, has called it "the saddest trend of 2015" after failing in her quest to achieve mental peace. But mindfulness isn't the Hollywood multi-billion dollar industry it's become. It's not simply focusing on breathing, or spending hours trying to be mindfully quiet. Mindfulness is understanding; it's not falling into a stupor, quite the opposite, it's an abrupt awakening.

It's exactly this snack-sized approach that won’t sort people out - and which Barnett is right to complain about. It will only ever be a sticking plaster if the root cause of the stress isn't being addressed. Proper mindfulness allows for the right arena in which to do that. It is what the Buddhist version of mindfulness teaches - a moral and ethical world view - an understanding of everything seen through a concious focus that awakens us to our responsibilities. For, it is our lives and how we lead them that really needs to change if we are to improve our mental well-being.

The thinking that works is this: Change your words, change your life. It is our words that need changing. It's up to you how you pronounce them. It's a choice. It's said the legend of rock and roll began when Elvis Presley was persuaded a guitar would make a better birthday present than a rifle as a young teen. Likewise the difference between a democracy and a tyrannical system are the choices made in power.

Thus we need to consciously select, and mindfully think before speaking. The words we misuse, the labels we unthinkingly, unfeelingly attach - and really should ditch - are all leading us closer to a vacuum of meaning.

Before we trip over the edge, it's time to take a step back. Listen. Consciously focus. What do you hear? For when the words stop, love - and the meaning it gives to our lives - shouldn't fall silent.

Yours in love,

Has Your Love Bubble Burst?

“What’s your prediction for the year ahead? Will it be fulfilling and extraordinary? Or unprofitable and plain? Imagine for a moment it’s December 31st of 2015 and you’re thinking back to the beginning of the year. When you think of everything you’ve accomplished, you feel SO happy that 2015 was finally THE year that you made the decision to give yourself the kind of life you’d always dreamed of… It was a year where everything took a turn for the better and it was the start of many, many great things to come. Will this be what you’ll be thinking at the end of this year? If not, then how can you ensure it is?”
— Mickie Kent

Let me begin this post on finding direction and purpose with a story on existence: There is a belief that reality consists of three "bubbles" of existence. Imagine that our universe is a bubble. This is bubble one. This bubble universe seems complete and always expanding. Inside this vast, near-infinite universe, bubble two is our one tiny planet Earth, an ideal platform for life as we know it thus far.

Encompassing both bubbles many believe is a third, were its vibratory dimensions have become known in religious circles as heaven and hell, and in spiritual and psychic circles, as the etheric and astral planes. These planes exist inside this third bubble, but are not visible with the human interface or physical senses.

External to the other two bubbles of existence, this third bubble is seen by some as another more vast universe or dimension of existence from which our life essence originated from prior to its insertion into bubble one and two, and so not only encompasses us from without, but within, too. Some believe that everyone's life is pre-programmed in this third bubble, and searching for their purpose means discovering that programme and following it.

Some of us don't believe in the existence of this third bubble and believe looking for purpose in it is the root cause of our disillusionment. On the opposite end, others wholly eschew the physicality of the second bubble, point to the vastness of the first as proof to something greater, the third, and look for purpose on platforms we can't physically see or easily comprehend on the temporal plane or bubble.

A few believe that all three bubbles are in fact one and equal, and it's the concepts of division in material form that makes our life purpose so elusive to some of us. The purpose or meaning we seek in life isn't about looking for it solely in one bubble or the other, but harmonising all three in modes of connection that skip over superficial dividing lines.

Balancing our mind, body and soul within the micro (inner/spiritual) and macro (outer/temporal) world is believed by some to be the way to connect with the third bubble and channel its purpose into the other two. Mindful meditation, physical well-being, and some notion of a bigger divine perspective tying it all together is the journey that many believe will help give us purpose, or bring us the clarity to discover it.

For the less esoteric and more pragmatic among us, this attempt can be translated as: How can we use our time on this planet more meaningfully? Being physically and psychologically fit will help us in this, but we also need to discover in what way the word "meaningfully" resonates individually with us. If we are unique, then the key to what is meaningful to us will be in exploring that uniqueness.

What makes you tick across the platforms of your mind (or bubble one), body (bubble two) and soul (bubble three)? What resonates in all three? What unifies them? In this way, searching for our authentic self, by using our core values and likes and dislikes as cues, we can work out what we need to do to bring purpose into our life. It will be different for each individual.

Regardless of where you stand right now in life, it’s never too late to wake up and start creating your future. If this is YOU and you need help deciding what you’ll do for the rest of your life, then here are 3 very simple questions you need to ask yourself today to discover what your biggest dream in life is:

Q 1. What values are most important to you? I.e.: family, health, freedom, love, achievement… etc. Pick your top 3 and prioritise.
Q 2. What’s your gift? Are you good with people, organizing, solving problems, cooking, teaching? What have people complimented you on most consistently?
Q 3. What are you most passionate about? If you’re having a problem defining this, list all of the moments in your life that have been the most joyful or meaningful. Maybe it was when you were caring for a child, exploring a new place, or finishing a project.

Whatever your dream is, make sure it is one that excites you and motivates you enough to overcome obstacles like procrastination and fear.

This is also true for the well-being of our bodies and minds. There is no one diet or food regimen that will suit everybody. For example, dieting according to your metabolic rate would generally mean eating more (intake of protein) and exercising more (in intense short bursts), but this could be dangerous advice for some of us.

Consequently when things seem to "fail" for us, we say life has knocked us down, when it could be just don't know ourselves well enough to achieve what we really want. If you've ever felt like giving up on your dreams, or you feel your bubble has burst, it could just be you're searching for something outside of it. Thus it's important to allow yourself to hope, to believe and to trust again, and not to let any bad experience stop you from living your best life.

Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one. Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. Our self-respect tracks our choices. Every time we act in harmony with our authentic self and our heart, we earn our respect. It is that simple. Every choice matters.

Because when your fire goes out, we shouldn't blame the direction of the wind. Look to what fuels your fire to get you to where you want to be in life. This will also fuel you to take motivated and inspired action, and to devise your own unique tips and insights on how to use your brain, body and spirit as your main source of energy and power. It will help you use ALL your life experiences (perceived as "good" or "bad") to live a more purposeful life by inspiring and teaching you about yourself in a more enhanced and constructive way.

If you're still struggling to make your dreams come true or making really slow and painful progress toward achieving them, then you really need to wisely tune into what feels right for you and do something about finding your true purpose in life. And when you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us - the reality of our existence starts from there.

Yours in love,

The Outlook of Love

“My grandmother always used to say that a loving outlook was the cure to all ills. I agree. Most of our ills stem from an absence of a loving outlook. We need to start viewing our bodies, our lives, and the world we share as a loved one.”
— Mickie Kent

Life doesn't come with ready-made answers. This is something we come to realise in January, the month of good intentions, than any other time. Our life stories feel like TV dramas that just don't end right. As the festive mood fades away we are left having eaten too much and feeling a little less full in the pocket and the heart. And when things don't go our way, we tend to release our anger or frustration in an unhealthy way.

Part of the problem is the concept of "life purpose" itself. The idea that we were each born for some higher purpose and it's now our cosmic mission to find it. In fact, there are many people that are not clear on what their dreams are, and unfortunately, sometimes not having a dream or a specific goal in life, can lead to an unfulfilled path. But here's the truth: We exist on this earth for some undetermined period of time. During that time we do things. Some of these things are important. Some of them are unimportant. And those important things give our lives meaning and happiness. The unimportant ones basically just kill time.

So when people say, "What should I do with my life?" or "What is my life purpose?" what they're actually asking is: "What can I do with my time that is important?" This is an infinitely better question to ask, or rather a better outlook to have. It's far more manageable and it doesn't have all of the baggage that the "life purpose" question might do. It also makes things less stressful.

Stress is a formidable threat to happiness - when stress gets out of control, your brain and your performance suffer. Studies have long shown that stress can have a lasting, negative impact on the brain. Exposure to even a few days of stress compromises the effectiveness of neurons in the hippocampus - an important brain area responsible for reasoning and memory. Weeks of stress cause reversible damage to neuronal dendrites (the small "arms" that brain cells use to communicate with each other), and months of stress can permanently destroy neurons.

Just think: This is the kind of toxicity we're faced with when we drown in disappointment. And it creates two types of people. Those unaware of the negative impact that they have on themselves and those around them, and those who seem to derive satisfaction from creating chaos and pushing other people's buttons. Either way, they create unnecessary complexity, strife, and, worst of all, stress.

This stress skews our outlook, and consequently our reactions to life's challenges. Remember, even though it's not possible to change a situation that's occurred in the past or in the now, you can always control how you react to it and that is what will determine your overall happiness. Many of the negative thoughts and feelings you have are nothing more than a mere reflection of your past, projected into the present moment.

In the world today, the outlook feels a dreary one for this exact same reason. And we are met with prime examples in quick succession. There is no "but" about what happened at Charlie Hebdo this week. Some people published some cartoons in Paris, and some other people killed them for it. The cartoons at the heart of the violence are racist and offensive, but the response to them was double-fold.

Most democracies would not find someone expressing an opinion shocking - words and pictures can be beautiful or vile, pleasing or enraging, inspiring or offensive; but they exist on a different plane from physical violence, whether you want to call that plane spirit or imagination or culture, and to meet them with violence is an offence against the spirit and imagination and culture that distinguish humans.

Likewise, for the last decade and a half the United States, backed to varying degrees by the governments of other Western countries, has rained violence and destruction on the Arab and Muslim world with a ferocity that has few parallels in the history of modern warfare, leaving Iraq, Gaza and Afghanistan shattered and hundreds of thousands of human beings dead. Not twelve. Hundreds of thousands. All with stories, with lives, with families. Tens of millions who have lost friends, family, homes and watched their country be torn apart. You might be shocked to know that toddlers with guns killed more Americans in 2013 than any terrorist attack, and it's been said that most victims of terrorism are Muslim. Who will walk in protest for them?

One of the founding members of Charlie Hebdo has even accused its slain editor, Patrick Charbonnier, or Charb, of "dragging the team" to their deaths by releasing increasingly provocative cartoons, as five million copies of the "survivors’ edition" went on sale. It seems the PR worked - all too horribly well. For those who walked in protest of the Hebdo murders may have done so under the misguided belief it's for freedom of expression, but in honesty it was in confirmation of a century or more of Western colonial policies that through blood and iron have consigned all but a tiny few among the population of the Arab world to poverty and hopelessness.

Not to even mention the brutal rule of French colonialism in Algeria, and its preparedness to murder hundreds of thousands of Algerians and even hundreds of French-Algerian citizens in its efforts to maintain the remnants of empire. The protests and Hebdo selling spree (and its profitable outfall) is a slap in the face of the ongoing poverty, ghettoisation and persecution endured by the Muslim population of France, which is mostly of Algerian origin.

Does this excuse the Hebdo murders? Of course not. It doesn't even provide a reasonable explanation. It does, however, show that we are all bereaved human beings. And unless we change our outlook, the world may indeed be destroyed under our inhumane reactions. It really is a case of swings and roundabouts. It's well documented, for example, Britain's treatment of Irish prisoners during the seventies became the benchmark for American torture in the Middle East. The torture methods developed by the British Army deemed acceptable set a precedent.

We now live in a world where terror suspects are arrested every day in the United Kingdom to combat the rising threat of the Islamic state to itself and Europe. Prosecutors have said the British frontman of a Syrian terror group is one of the most violent extremists to ever return to the UK, as he was jailed for 12 years. Meanwhile, as Germany's "anti-Islamisation" movement centred in Dresden, Pegida, spreads to the UK and other European countries since the Paris attacks - it feels like the set-up for a huge confrontation between fascism and fundamentalism.

And it's not the only confrontation on the horizon. In Brussels and other European capitals, the fear of Vladimir Putin is becoming palpable. The mood has changed in a matter of weeks to one of foreboding with claims that Putin is acting like a tyrant. The Ukraine crisis started with differences, which became a conflict, which became a war, and which now risks becoming total war. This calls for a shift in awareness, and a consciousness of the imbalance we have created and continue to perpetuate by our disproportionate reactions. And when life is serious we need to get less serious.

As a species we can be bold and imaginative or bullying and fearful. To lesser or larger degrees, we all go back and forth on the extreme ends of the human spectrum. The key is to find a way to maintain a balanced outlook. According to many ancient traditions, the key to looking good and feeling great is balance in the four main areas of life: body, mind, spirit and space. This includes not just the foods we eat, but how we spend our time in activity, both physical and mental, our relationships, our environment, and so on.

This is why so many January diets fall at the first hurdle. They are less about balance and more about the determination to starve. Starve the body of essential nourishment. Starve the mind of exuberance and wit. Starve the spirit of joy and contentment. This leaves us malnourished in mind, body and soul - further disconnected and imbalanced, mirrored by our reactions to life's challenges.

This paves the way for stress, and for uncertainty over finding purpose in our lives. It leaves our hearts energetically sickened, too weak to bring its perspective to our lives. To awaken the heart to this imbalance, not only is it important to learn about self-acceptance and self-love, but also to identify and release what's hurting us emotionally. And we need to build more on togetherness to find more of the feelgood. Because when we are living through times where animals can teach us a thing or two about our humanity, then it's time for a re-think.

But as complex as our lives may get, the answer is increasingly simple. The great balancer in life is love, we just need to let it do its thing. We need to use its outlook to formulate our own, to boldly fly in the face of our fears as we hold on, ever tightly, to each other and what makes us human.

Yours in love,

Make Love the Bottom Line

“I said to the man, who stood at the gate of the year, 'Give me a light, that I may tread safely into the unknown.' And he replied, 'Go out into the darkness, and put your hand into the hand of God. That shall be to you better than light, and safer than a known way.'”
— Minnie Louise Haskins

I am of the notion when you focus on what's good in life this expands to change the way you interact with yourself and others. If you savour each small win, the experience of your life will be one where you overcome suffering and emotional disappointment. And when it comes to our end-of-year retrospections, growth is always the greatest hope that brings action.

Actions are thoughts given body; and although it's totally normal that we tend to focus the majority of our attention on the external world, the material things we're trying obtain, and our relationships with others, this continually active self-growth must be fuelled from within and not the time of month. Try to remember yourself twenty years ago, ten years ago, or even just last year: Are you a completely different person than you used to be? What parts of you have changed? What has remained the same? Forge your resolutions for the coming months in the answers you find.

In doing so we come to the conclusion the truth is that the development of self into the person we want to be is actually the most important thing we can put our energy and attention towards. Once we achieve a real connection to our authentic self and realise our true purpose, all of the external achievements will follow anyway.

Now this pursuit of self-expression doesn't slip farther away from us as we age. Ageing is a natural thing, an unstoppable destiny of the stars, but the key is that we continue to grow, mature and evolve as we age. In fact we move closer to our truth with every passing year. As you get older, even if your body deteriorates, your soul flourishes. Youth is a turbulent hormonal time of experimentation and exploration, it is as we continue to stabilise with age that we find an opportunity to get closer to inner wisdom.

I, myself, am enjoying growing a year older, because I focus on the excitement of growing. I will be going back to university again in 2015, and I can't wait to continue my search for the truth among the company of friends. And to continue learning from your past and improving your future self, the focus must be on growth and the adventures that lie ahead. When we seek answers to how much we have changed from our youth, we should marvel at how far we have come, not mourn who we no longer are.

However, if you often feel dissatisfied with your life, and not quite sure how to change things around, or are you constantly putting your dreams on hold because of financial constraints, family responsibilities, insecurity or fear of the unknown, then you're not alone. Hope in growth is an eternal spring, but the mouth of its stream begins in you. So take a sip. Or dip your toes in. Test the waters. If you've been searching for answers to improvement, or if you've been longing for something, but don't know exactly what it is, then turning towards that source is the solution.

Once you catch on to this idea, it expands - from what it means to be you to what it means to be human. Most people walk through life isolating themselves from others, without realising the great influence and incredible connection that we have as human beings. If you've been looking for the answer to the meaning of life and humanity, then surely you'll have realised by now it's in us learning to get along with one another? Giving back to others can lower your blood pressure, lower your cholesterol, and help you sleep better and live longer, but the bottom line is the same for one as for all - love.

Perhaps until we reach this fundamental mature stage of growth, humanity's own awareness of its self will remain in its infancy. The human world continues to suffer heavy losses towards enlightenment this year, as in recent years past, and I have documented some of our darkest episodes on my blog. It feels like the economic crashes stemming from America's mortgage crisis have mentally unbalanced our collective consciousness. We live in terror and in fear of difference. We respond with hate. Paranoia abounds.

Evidently six years on and we need group therapy. Even our bad skinny diets have helped to turn us into short-tempered thin sacks of intolerance. But our outer world, too, has been gradually turning into a climate conducive to fear ever since America's disastrous response to 9/11 and beyond. We've had centuries of bloodshed in Europe based on differences and dominance - cultural, racial and religious - so it's not too surprising that built on some of its most puritanical elements, America would so ingloriously follow suit.

Yet if we really understood the rules provided by religious scripture from all folklore, faiths and foundations, we would see that they are all ancient coded guides on how we can get along with one another. We all share the same bottom line. Indeed we NEED to get along if we are to survive. Our co-existence is part and parcel - and the main ingredient - of our existence.

Obvious, isn't it? Only what a punishing irony it is to see that throughout human history we have used the coda of peace and goodwill to destroy, dominate and assimilate any and all whom we deemed different than us based on the prevalent narrow-mindedness of the day. In the same breath we have praised our gods while acting with godlessness.

Until we wake ourselves up to this, not even being of the same faith may save you from the increasingly mindless wrath of our ages, because it will always find some other difference to attack - if not of faith, then of skin colour range, or race or region. We stay silent when it attacks another, not realising that one day it WILL turn its destructive force on us. This is why we must actively seek positive growth, and not allow ourselves to shrink smaller with despair.

Despair is deadly. I began this short post by saying that when you focus on what's good in life this expands to change the way you interact with yourself and others. The opposite is just as true. Thus rather than focusing on our losses, we need to hold on to our gains as 2014 makes way for 2015. Remember the good in 2014, along with the wisdom proffered by the bad, and go towards growth by going closer towards you.

I leave you with that thought, and wish you all a prosperous new year.

Ever yours in love,

The Fantasy of Love

Imagine this one day in the distant future: if it ever becomes possible to extrapolate our consciousness from the support of the quantum physics going on in our brain in the first place and download it into some database, or artificial body, what will happen to those emotions and memories intricately tied to the mysterious regions of our being we term as love? Even if the data of the brain can be stored, can we ever capture the soul?

Augmenting our realities with technology is one thing, augmenting our mortality quite another. Digital immortality via the storage of what we term as our consciousness may make us live on in ways hitherto unimagined, but will it have to be without love? That essence we sprinkle across life. The oil in our gears. That drive to move.

In such circumstances, will we even desire immortality? If the consciousness is the sole result of the placement and interactions of the neurons in the brain, nothing more and nothing less, and love merely down to a chemical addiction between people, then possibly. But if we ever figure out that our mortality is bound too tightly to the things that make us human, would we choose it over the chance to defeat death? Although this scenario enters well within the realms of science-fiction - if not fantasy - it's a good example to highlight the importance of love in our lives.

Never take for granted those four letters that carry so much meaning. No matter who you are or where you may be in this world, there is love out there for you. Whether you believe it or not, much of our psychology is bound in togetherness and family. One day you hope to find a friendship, a fondness, an adoration so deep that you can't seem to stop thinking about that special someone.

Yet, we are always finding excuses to keep us from going in pursuit of love. Then we lose a certain hope in this little thing called love; about ever finding that special someone who will love you (and who you will love) every step of the way. Worse, sometimes we accept the love we think we deserve, not understanding that life will love you back only if you love life. Once you love yourself, you are open to love from others.

Of course there are many misconceptions that help to obscure this vision. One is that loving yourself means envisioning your being in an egotistical or narcissistic context, when it really means having enough love for who you really are to ignore such superficial constructs. Self-image is something you project from the inside out, it's not skin deep - it's not what you're born with, but how you work it. Similarly, we shouldn't think that love is a fairytale where we should all wait submissively for the fates to send our prince charming along to sweep us off our feet.

Undeniably, love is a risky venture. But you have to go out on a limb to love someone. And that someone may be completely opposite to our fantasy type and/or scenarios. And we have to be open to that. Love is when you meet someone who tells you something new about yourself, not what they look like, or how much they earn. These are things that change with time, or which you can attain together once you become a team.

Getting stuck in a fantasy mindset is dangerous. They say love is blind, well fantasy love is incurably so. You become inflexible, ignoring the real opportunities for love that come your way. This isn't about simply making do with second-best (what a horrible term to attach to any living being), or accepting something less than you feel you deserve. It's about being sufficiently aware of love to understand it can appear at the most surprising times, and open-minded enough to give it a chance. You never know where it could lead you.

Often when we ignore a chance at love is when we make the wrong choices, and end up with the greatest regrets. Not having given that person a chance, we realise too late they may have been the one. But that person is now in a committed relationship, and you've lucked out. So what do you do? You decide not to make the same mistakes with the next person to come along, only to find yourself overcompensating and giving love meant for someone else to the wrong person.

This results in what some experts term as karmic relationships - a destructive force absent of real love. Partners sense they really are making do this time, and treat their relationship as a last hope saloon, allowing their partner to hurt, cheat or abuse them time and again. It's a vacuum for emotions, but can also be cathartic when it thankfully ends: it can help us work out just what it is we don't want, and thus tweak our fantasy ideals to better fit with our reality.

And if any of this rings true for you, then don't be too hard on yourself. You just wanted to believe the fantasy you were breast-fed on.

Stuff of fairytales?

“I want to tell you a secret that will see you through all the trials that life can offer... Have courage and be kind. Where there is kindness there is goodness. And where there is goodness there is magic.”
— A mother's advice in Disney's Cinderella

Some of us will have ragged on how ubiquitous the Disney franchise and its storytelling has become: girlyfying the original harsh lessons of fairytales out of existence, nurturing generations of us with idealistic and unrealistically high expectations of what love - and life - should be. Disney's latest adaptation of the Cinderella fairytale (a live retelling of its classic animation) has come under fire from some quarters for this very reason, and why some would wish Disney would start dealing with things closer to reality. Because children are influenced by these tales, their ideals and world-views are shaped in their formative years by such fantasies. In effect, we set ourselves up for a fall if we ignore the reality of the world.

For instance, we'll have heard the usual arguments made against the franchise: the overall colonial white perspective, too many female leads who are helpless and in need of help, being neither strong, independent nor smart enough to help themselves, in saccharine storytelling of fiction played safe. No surprise that Disney turned down the chance to make Back to the Future claiming the mother/son relationship was too risqué. And from many grown women today there are (very valid) complaints how, as they were growing up, Disney films failed to provide them with strong female role models able to fight their own battles, and would wish differently for their daughters today.

Unfairness is more universal than unilateral, however. Women are stereotyped into being weak and helpless (too often), but have we considered the equal and opposite stereotyping of men? The men designed to cater to female fancy must be brave, strong, reliable, rich, forward to the point where it would be uncomfortable if they weren't found attractive - this is exactly what the male lead reflects in most Disney fairytales. But in real life if a wooing male was so forward or forceful, he would be labelled a stalker or a creep. The line between confidence and arrogance is very thin, and mere attractiveness too superficial to overlook one as the other in the long term.

Consequently, if we took these extremes of fantasy and tried to append them to our lives in the real world, real life would fall short by a large margin. If Cinderella were my daughter I would hope she wouldn't bide her time for a man to save her from servitude and her step-mother's oppression, but would make her own escape and turn that passive "my prince will come" attitude on its head. A Cinderella who is not just a pretty girl waiting to be rescued, but one who is strong, determined, and resolute enough not to simply accept the fate handed to her, and is recognised and rewarded for her efforts, her strength and persistence instead.

Keeping to the fairytale theme, this would all happen albeit magically, and maybe that's the point some detractors of Disney forget. Disney is in the fantasy business, it is based around fairytales, which are fantastical fiction. It's entertainment, escapism, a bit of fun, and most fans eventually grow up smart enough to know it's not real life.

Evidently a story of a downtrodden girl rising above the oppression of a woman affected by sexism only to become a man's trophy is not a great lesson for the kids. But like original fairytales, Disney stories do have pertinent lessons, too. The original concept of Cinderella is that of believing in your dreams as wishes of the heart - and in its 2015 adaptation Disney has upgraded this message with the theme of kindness. It's not Cinderella's beauty, but ultimately her kindness that helps to manifest her heart's desires.

Don't we need messages like that today, however unrealistic they may seem? We need some glitter, some fairy dust sprinkled over the harsher realities of life. And while Disney princesses have become much more progressive in line with our growing enlightenment, being gentle, kind and keeping faith alive even in the darkest of times is not a fault we should let anyone persuade young girls into otherwise thinking, either. There are many different types of strong. Cinderella shows one of them.

At the other end of the argument, though, teaching our children the realities of the world rarely start with be "courageous" and be "kind". It's not the way the world is currently designed. It starts with getting out there, learning to stand on your own two feet, and working hard. But that is also why we need to believe in a bit of magic - that belief should be our inexhaustible hope and faith that there is goodness and love in the world.

Now that is something to fire a child's imagination with and inspire his or her mind to fully wake to their true potential. And let me qualify that by emphasising having an imagination and living in a fantasy are two entirely different things. Using our imagination is vital to not only the functioning of the brain, but to the functioning of those elusive processes that give us a sense of a soul. It's not about escapism away from life, it's about creatively problem-solving the tribulations of life.

Despite seeing Cinderella's gentile attributes as commendable (as much as they are), being a more creative problem solver would have helped her out immensely in my opinion. If nothing else, it makes the hopeless seem more hopeful, as a person or situation.

Stuff the fairytales?

“You're stuck on the rosy notion that the world operates on goodness... decency. Truth is all that guarantees you is an early grave. The biggest joke of all? What sinks you every time is hope. Hope that the world will right itself. That the just will be rewarded and the wicked punished. I don't want you to buy into that horse shit or you're dead in the water. The only way to survive in this disgusting, godforsaken world is to take control.”
— A mother's advice in "American Horror Story: Freak Show" (Episode 7, "Test of Strength")

Kept to a healthy minimum, we all need to keep that childhood exuberance for magic alive. It is a font in which we can refresh our enthusiasm for life, because the pendulum can all too often swing the other way: cold, reasoning pragmatism can quickly turn us all into hardened cynics.

A prime example can be found in one of the oldest published weekly British political magazines, The Spectator. It ran an interesting 2014 August article by Julie Burchill, deriding what she describes as a spiritual cult of women desperately seeking their "One" true love. She bemoans this "sad-sack" of spirituality, the romantic blasphemy of belief in a human spiritual union, as fairytale filler in the gaping souls of the godless.

Now according to Burchill we should not look for "the meaning of life in the dear, fallible creature lying next to you; instead, look upwards", revealing her editorial ideologies. Similar to the political magazine she writes for, Burchill's political line is a conservative ideology that promotes retaining those social institutions they deem as traditional. It's a philosophy with a very narrow pendulum - it either swings to preserve things as they are, touting stability and continuity, or swings towards its "reactionaries" who oppose modernism and seek a return to "the way things were".

Keeping it real in her article, Burchill is quick to qualify that she is not arguing for the "entirely fictional Good Old Days". However, whilst describing herself as a lover of the modern world, the tone of her article contradicts this, opening with a scathing sentiment on modern female celebrities. Moreover, she admits she is a Christian believer, but doesn't believe in looking for the one, but the one for the moment - which seems converse coming from a woman who has been married for nearly 20 years to a husband she professes to adore.

Each to their own opinions, and some of Burchill's own may make sense to us at first glance. But arguably the underlying confusion of Burchill's article, which continues throughout, is hard to escape. It also extends to her analogies about those who believe there IS a special person out there for everyone. In the same way when Burchill tells us to "look upwards" for divine love, she doesn't literally mean upwards - it's a metaphor - she forgets that the belief there is a spiritual "One" out there for us is a metaphor, too.

Denigrating the denizens since time immemorial has its own pitfalls. Not merely confusing dictionary definitions, urban colloquialisms and metaphors, all the examples Burchill uses in her piece about those who believe in, what she describes as, "serial monogamy" are caricatures, and not what spiritual believers in divine love adhere to. True love isn't about spending your entire life searching zealously for something to fill up the spaces inside, as though antiquing for the perfect ornament to fill an empty interior and it's certainly not about "deconsecrating and deconstructing marriage" or turning it into "a psychotic seesaw".

Because who said romantic love was the be-all, end-all and know-all of female aspiration? I've certainly never made such a foolish claim on my blog. I emphasise time and again that we are physical beings, and romantic relationships need to be worked at in the real world. In a previous post about building stronger bridges to love I warn about not being a stranger to love, else love will be a stranger to our lives - as it currently seems to be in the larger world, because too many are looking upwards for love, rather than inwards. And sadly it seems that love is a stranger to Burchill, too. She has a joyous marriage, and yet can't see why.

You only really appreciate something once it is lost, so the saying goes, but it doesn't have to be this way. Besides if someone only appreciates you when you stop valuing them, that is conversely a prime indicator of a karmic relationship. Love does not need a reason to provide value or show appreciation, it will do so because it wills it, not because we will get something out of it. In a healthy relationship, love is a game that two can play and both win, because it's a team effort - one is not pitted against the other for domination.

And it's obvious Burchill is a good product of her times, too, having (possibly accidentally) discovered that one of the secrets to a long marriage is not keeping your head stuck in the clouds of a fantasy fairytale version of love, but keeping it honest and real. The equation that happiness equals reality minus expectation is true. In her decades long marriage, it's clear Burchill values her husband for who he is, and not what he does - or how he measures up to the prince charming in her head.

Nevertheless, although this is a given, we forget that there is this middle ground, a balanced field where love is best nourished because love itself is a balancer of life. We all know the saying love is not finding someone you can live with, but someone you can't live without. In actuality it needs to be a balance of both.

If love is a stranger

Great love brings balance - its imbalance is what increases stress in life. Some experts say love starts in the brain and that, from looking at the brain scans of the broken-hearted, recovering from a break-up is like a kicking an addiction to a drug. Emotional instability, constant ups and downs are not healthy for the brain, or a stable relationship. But when you decrease stress, your hormones are in a better place to do just about anything for your body and mind. For where there is real balancing love, there is life - even blackened as it is by our tirades, our trust-killing abuses and racist rants, making the fantasy look at lot more preferable, but just that further away as well.

Geared towards this aim, balance in all things is essential. For example, while abuse, bullying and delusions of nationalism drive people apart, entertainment can bring us together. It can inspire, and recapture hardened hearts. We know how widely TV has influenced our world (often negatively as Burchill reminds us) but it's also a medium with the opportunities to use that influence for the greater good. Done right Disney's entertainment is an opportunity to bring together families on all human values based on love. Schmaltzy? Yes. Idealistic? Yes. Unrealistic in its portrayals? Yes. But when it gets the balance right, it can move us where we as the audience can aspire to, and put our hope in, the goodness that exists in the real world.

Even when that world looks so bleak: a world where anti-terror drives are driving us closer to terror, while well-intentioned protesters turn to violence and set the fight for social justice back generations. When injustice against people of colour rears its ugly head in our modern lives, it is no longer met with the dignity such as was shown in the protests against segregated America decades before. The resonating power of peaceful protest is taught in schools today, but minds in stupor don't learn effectively. So susceptible are we to depression, obsession, compulsion and paranoia in increasing numbers, it feels as though as a species we're suffering an economic post-crash ordeal.

Recent recognition that the true measure of progress is well-being rather than economics, is enormously encouraging, however. Achieving well-being that is sustainable requires us to consider to think creatively about how to optimise good lives in a way that is fair and sustainable - and early education lies at the heart of this. But we need to awaken minds first, as early on as we can. Campaigns for better relationship education say that many children lack basic knowledge about their bodies, and they need to be better educated from a younger age about saying "no" to coerced sex, for example.

Bullying is another increasingly worrisome trend. It seems we're all looking for a target to bully so that we won't be the target. When you go through your formative years, it's easy to become mentally scarred by bullies, who usually have their own issues - mainly low self esteem - which they try to inflict on others like a plague. It can make us feel like 99 percent of people on this planet are horrible, and not really worth meeting. But such bitterness can destroy us more than the bullying. And in the process of wanting revenge on bullies, we can end up being just as mean as they are.

Only to be more successful than any of the people who bullied you takes more than career and wealth success in adult life. More importantly you need to be happier than they are. You do this by showing yourself compassion, by being your own best friend, and looking out for yourself. It's good psychology and proper philosophy to love yourself and believe in yourself as much as you can. Own your life, don't disown it. Don't bury your truth: truth buried will take root and grow, furrowing out of you when you least expect it. Release it instead: we must get rid of the life we left to make way for the life ahead of us.

Your human spirit is a lot more resilient than you might think. Love makes it so. Do what you love everyday, have peace in your heart that even though people treated you cruelly, you overcame it and allowed yourself to love and BE loved by others. It doesn't matter how long the process is towards that inner balance. We will learn from our mistakes, and learn how strong we truly are. We will learn from the experience to accept others for who they are, too, and accept the same. We will learn that the future is never behind us, because we are the sum of our choices, the strength of our commitments, the ties that binds us together. And that we all deserve a love to make our heart forget it was ever broken.

Commit to living life with love, therefore, and then commit to loving well. Do this in the knowledge that love is not sustainable only with that "can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence" kinda stuff, it's also needs the stable, dependable, everyday small stuff. So find someone that can make you smile, and never give up on them. Understand that nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them. Accept that people come into our lives and leave footprints - just make sure it's only those loving imprints that mean we are never the same again.

Ultimately, keep faith and hope in people, and if we need a little fantasy to keep the magic alive, then there's nothing wrong with that. Don't lose your innocence, hope or faith. Don't lose the need for fairytales, just let go your reliance on living through them. Trust in the strength of your own story - which, when well told, will not feel the need to shock you into paying it attention.

Never forget when you do, that once in a while, in the middle of ordinary life, love will give you a fairytale of your very own.

To happily ever after in love,