Choose Love Over All

“As I love to bake, television has become a rare feature in my life at the moment. I'm following the Great British Bake Off on the BBC, and my twin flame is trying his hand at baking to impress me. It has raised the discussion of the alpha and beta type males, and which we women really prefer. By extension, what type of society would we prefer? An alpha or a beta one? For me it's a no-brainer; isn't it time we used brain over brawn?”
— Mickie Kent

I'm going to begin this article on the soul in my series as life is in the main - bitter-sweet. Notwithstanding the slow arrival of autumn, the weather has noticeably turned, and my twin flame usually puts a drop of whisky in his tea to warm him up. He sometimes tries to sneak in a drop for my morning beverage, but I keep telling him that's not what I mean by a morning burn.

We always try to share a laugh in the morning. To start the day as we mean to go on, as an affirmation of our time together, and a reminder of just how lucky we really are. He often has a habit of leaving me little notes around the house, and will sign them with a personalised emoticon. My favourite has always been the :), and it's just celebrated its 30th birthday. Reading about its origins struck a chord with me as relevant to our times.

The story of the smiley

MSN UK, in an article titled Emoticons reach their 30th birthday: a brief history of the :-), explains that we can trace the origin of the smiley with great precision - it was introduced to the world at 11.44 on Sunday, September 19, 1982. We know this because it was sent in an email; specifically, an email sent by Scott Fahlman, a computer scientist at Carnegie Mellon University in the United States. In his email to the CMU computer science bulletin board, he suggested the symbol as a solution to the tricky problem of telling when someone was joking in a text email. He wrote:

I propose that the following character sequence for joke markers:

:-)

Read it sideways.

And so the smiley was born. Helpfully, Fahlman also invented the frowny in the same email, continuing:

Actually, it is probably more economical to mark things that are NOT jokes, given current trends. For this, use

:-(

Fahlman's suggestion quickly caught on, and rapidly spread beyond Carnegie Mellon to other universities, and, eventually, the world. But what caught my eye was the bit in Fahlman's 1982 mail that talked about how the frowny would be more appropriate "given current trends". A perfect example of as much things may change, they also stay the same; forty decades on intolerance abounds. We are still locked in between the struggle for more smileys between people. Life, it occurred to me is really about the story of the smiley, and our pursuit to hold on to it, despite the odds. But sometimes it is just life that knocks our smileys down, instead of another.

Reading about the funeral of a father and his two sons who died in a farming accident while trying to save each other moved me deeply this week. It was a stark reminder (if any were needed) that we will all suffer loss and sometime or another. That is inevitable. But how we deal with is less so. In the wake of human tragedy, some will often cling to faith and meaning, believing that there must be a wider plan to all that happens - rather than choosing to see loss as just senseless and random. It's not a case of whether this is right or wrong; it's about what gets you through the grieving process. Faith and meaning when used towards positive aims can be a buttress for our lives. It can provide us with dignity in the face of adversity.

The family deaths were also in stark contrast to the deaths caused during violent worldwide protests against an anti-Islamic movie, which YouTube is refusing to remove from its site. Organised religion has been a hotbed of disputes for centuries, but I don't understand why (if these are indeed enlightened times) we need to mock other people's beliefs, or laugh at the caricaturisation of whole races by playing on racial stereotypes. I personally feel uncomfortable when individuals hide behind the freedom of speech argument as an excuse to just be abusive - because the more we abuse the freedom of speech the more we erode it.

Likewise, the more Muslims abuse their beliefs by causing deaths in protest clashes, the more they lower themselves with undignified responses to provocation. To me, such people are as bad as each other, because they share a common bond - a complete lack of disrespect for the sacredness of life. Although we preach it, very rarely, it seems, do we believe it - or else we believe we should only let people who are like us, or who believe like us, or who dress like us live peaceably.

yet we are all human; we all share the same genome, and if DNA is the physical manifestation of who we are - if it's the soul's physical aspect - then in one very real sense we all share (or come from) the same "soul". And more practically, as the global population is increasing, it makes sense that we learn to tolerate each other.

But what can we expect when our societies are not based on the sacredness of life? Rather some would say we prefer to cheapen our lives by making a brutal display of them all over the internet - by those that follow a different kind of religion, that of the celebrity. I personally have nothing against our celebrity culture - it only supplies what society demands after all - but even celebrities seem to have lost their mystique. They now fill our screens on talent shows - even musicians seem to be spending less time making music and more time making small screen appearances.

And in our societies what's toxic to the soul is equalled by what's toxic to the stomach; we have food giants and the flavourings industry that manufacture and sell us poison. It was in the news this week that a man has been awarded millions in damages after claiming he developed "popcorn lung" from inhaling the artificial butter in microwave popcorn. "Popcorn lung" is a form of irreversible obstructive lung disease that scars the lung and makes it difficult for air to flow out. The popcorn manufacturer was found negligent for not placing warning labels to state that the bag's fumes were dangerous to inhale. Over the last 15 years, a number of popcorn lung sufferers have needed lung transplants to survive and a small handful of people have died. It seems crazy that we manufacture foods that sound (and act) like weapons of mass destruction.

Plus, when I read about a US pharmaceutical company that is set to introduce a controversial new genetically modified corn to help farmers fight resistant weeds, I ask myself if we shall ever learn that poisoning our planet is not the answer. The company, Dow Agrosciences says their new genetically modified (GM) product will use a chemical that was once a component of the Vietnam war defoliant, Agent Orange. This fills me with horror; a chemical weapon of war will be in our foods.

Experts say the reason farmers are in difficulty is because the available technology was mismanaged; and throwing poison after poison seems illogical to me if the "cure" is deadlier than the problem. It's not surprising, however. At a time when everyone is looking for cheaper foods, cheaper production is going to be at the forefront of the minds of mass producers. Even though history has shown that turning to such methods during times of financial crisis simply turns our food cycle toxic, we are still going down the same route; it seems we haven't learnt a thing in this respect. And even if the biotechnology bandwagon is to succeed we will need more biodiversity, like the organic farmers who rotate their crops more, so ironically the future of GM foods may well depend on re-incorporating some of the older skills that the technology once threatened to replace anyway.

Shield yourself with real food.

Yet, this is representative of how society's vision of money is skewed. Money isn't evil; money is whatever we use it for. True wealth sets you free, it doesn't imprison you. Creating wealth can be a worthwhile goal for some. It offers people freedom, options, choices, chances to add value to our lives by using it to help others for a greater good - but it's not there as a standard for us to measure each other by or to think that the cheapest option (or the most commercial one) is always the best one.

For example the failing economy has hit the publishing media, too, with books (even by previously published authors) seen as too non-commercial being rejected. But this year's Man Booker short-list has shone a spotlight on the role of independent publishers. Had it not been for an indie publishing company, author Deborah Levy's book might never have seen the light of day - so devastated was she by the rejection from her previous publishers citing commercial issues. Now her book has made the Man Booker short-list it draws attention to what we can lose if we focus too much on commercialism. Thus sometimes we have to look at what is rejected by mainstream thought, if for nothing else as inspiration for getting yourself heard against the odds.

Life is all about beating the odds; never is that more clear than when we look at the origins of the human story of existence where science shows us that life can survive the most extreme conditions. Bringing and protecting new life into the world is all about beating the odds, and if that wasn't difficult enough, we make it more so by having to give birth on war fronts and sending our children to school in times of war. But life doesn't stop simply because we war - and neither does our thirst for it, clearly evidenced by most of our medical advancements which surround shortening mortality rates. In this field, too, as we our food chains, we are delving into modification at the DNA level which we all share.

Still some would argue that genetic engineering in itself is not "bad" or "good". For instance, on the subject of three parent IVF, it can be about wanting designer babies or it can be about trying to create a healthy baby. And science in itself is not about "playing with fire", it's all about prompting our curiosity, and trying to find answers for the questions that life throws out. What we do with those answers, and the responsibility of any consequences, is up to us. And isn't it ironic then, that as hard as we know creating life is, we are quick to end it? Which leads to another question that many of us will ask in our lives at one time or another.

"Why am I here?"

We constantly ask ourselves that question both consciously and subconsciously but there never seems to be an answer. We look around at our lot in life and ask "Is this all there is?" At the same time, the world talks and wonders about phenomena such as obesity, alcoholism, stress, road-rage, and depression being the modern diseases without ever seeming to make the link. Just as a boy joins a violent street-gang out of frustration for not gaining love and friendship, increasing amounts of others find themselves suffering from one of these modern diseases for not failing to attain what some experts have labelled as the final level of self-actualisation.

Scientist Abraham Maslow, long considered the grandfather of modern psychology, identified a "Hierarchy of Needs" as shown in order of priority from bottom to top in the image on the right (source: Abraham Maslow.com). Translated from top to bottom:

• Self Actualisation: Acceptance of facts, creativity, problem solving, lack of prejudice.
• Esteem Needs: Achievement, respect of others, confidence, ego needs.
• Social Needs: Friendship, family, lovers.
• Safety Needs: health, property, income, physical security.
• Physiological Needs: Food, water, breathing, sleep, etc.

The main thesis is simple: humans aren't interested in, and/or aren't capable of achieving, the level above unless the level below is satisfied. So it's a one step at a time thing - we won't be capable of achieving self-actualisation until all the other steps are met.

Proponents to this theory believe that humans tend to prioritise their requirements as shown above. We're not interested in the level below unless the one above is satisfied; clearly, we won't be thinking about where our next meal is coming from if our lives are in danger just as we're not interested in friendship if we're hungry and cold. And the theory goes, if life is getting you down, consider your place in Maslow's hierarchy, and see what you need to do to get to the top. For instance, you may just be sleep deprived, and be way down the bottom. Then fight the appropriate fight to get to the top.

However, some argue that as we evolved as beings, each of the levels of the hierarchy became more and more taken for granted. At each stage, we never once looked back at how far we'd come, and thought ourselves lucky. It's in our nature to just want more and more. After a baby has learned the words "Mama" and "Dada", the third word is often "More". This is a very cynical world-view for me personally, but it does hold some truth.

In looking at Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, in our world, survival, food and shelter are pretty much taken for granted - we don't give a second of our day contemplating gratitude for this. But most of us in developed, democratic countries have fulfilled the bottom two of the hierarchy (safety and food and shelter), so by the same token, most of us are ready to realise the next need: love and friendship. As a result, most of us have lovers and friends - or spend most of their time being preoccupied with such relationships.

So the next level up from there is "Esteem Needs". With our health intact, a roof over our heads, and a spouse at our side, we arrive at this level, and this level is where most people find themselves in a daily struggle as our egos fight for recognition and respect, making a name for ourselves. Millions of egos all battling for an increasingly scarce resource these days: admiration and respect. But the ego is never satisfied, it will always crave more. And give you more stress in the quest to feed it. The only way out of this rut is to break through to the next and penultimate level - which only leaves the top level on the hierarchy of needs. The one most elusive to us: self-actualisation - finding purpose and meaning in our lives.

You are unique

So how do you achieve self-actualisation? Experts say that in a word, by destruction of the ego and having consciousness of one's actions, i.e., self-awareness. But what of this question that tortures us so much - and in some instances drives us to insanity, death, and destruction - the question "Why am I here?" Many great thinkers have tried to answer a question to which none may ever give a definitive answer (there is none say some), and yet a few thinkers in this field say there is a big clue to this answer - creativity.

Some believe that at the heart of everyone's personal dream is creativity in some form or another, although that "certain something" that represents meaningful activity to us will be different for each person as a result of each of us being unique. Thus we can only answer such a difficult question in a broad fashion, because we are all individual. Our uniqueness has been described like a whirlpool, where we are made out of our surroundings, but distinct within it.

People filled with prejudices will say there are only a few types of people, but every snowflake is a world of its own, and a universe lies in the spaces between. We are distinct but unified at the same time, because there is a global interconnectedness at a fundamental or spiritual level where we are not separate, and are all connected. You are unique; you are one of one, and yet one of a greater whole - thus we not only learn from each other, but allowing ourselves to connect makes us greater.

Similarly, creativity not only reflects our individual traits, but connects us together in a common need of expression, communication and creation. We thrive on creating something, doing something, and seeing an end product. Since we walked the planet, we have been creative - we have produced things. It seems to be the inherent and lasting key to our personal satisfaction, whether it's building a house, producing a child, or writing a poem. Or discovering fire. And when we look at world events, we are also just as quick to destroy those things created by us and by nature.

Think about this: When we were small children, we were happiest when we were busily engaged building, painting, playing games, and inventing - creating and seeing an end product. And of course, our childhood represents our true selves that we need to recapture in order to each find meaning and purpose, so this fact about children's habits is an important clue in answering why we're here, some experts say.

Do our lives or jobs feed this inherent need to create? Sometimes? But does the average life give an individual the freedom of self-expression that is so essential with personal creativity? Even if you are "lucky" enough to live a life or have a job that provides you with a level of creative expression, you're usually compromised and restricted in some form unless you work for yourself. And even then, the marketplace restricts what you create if you want to actually make any money.

Needless to say that the average employee is highly unlikely to find meaning and purpose from their job, and will resultantly be unhappy at a deep level. But this goes deeper than being your own boss, in work and in life. Some see creating wealth as a way to break free of the grind; at least this way you'll have the freedom to find your dream and express your creativity in some form. Some believe wealth and happiness are not contrary, but rather very complimentary to a large degree when you appreciate the freedom money can give you through the combination of reducing what you spend and creating a passive income (one that requires minimal input).

And like our finances, what we do with our thoughts will give them value. Not only that, but taking control of your own life (and not just your finances) is an expression of your creativity. For example, coming up with an original idea and nurturing it from conception to production. Or writing down a plan and watching it transform from a piece of paper to a bustling office where you're the boss. Or visualising yourself transforming your life, then manifesting that with inspired action.

The power of creativity

Creativity opens up new ways to explore human feelings, too. For example, acting on stage requires using emotional memory - those in the acting profession believe the search for emotional truth will stimulate your emotional juices for life. It's powerful, emotional stuff - and naturally the best actor plays the truth of the scene, avoiding indulging in emotion for its own sake.

Read about the power of emotions.

While some believe that music is the sound our soul makes; when we sing from our heart, mind and body in unison we become primed for life. Similarly, combining different creative forms together can be just as powerful. A musical composition set in a stone sculpture in Fairlop Waters, Essex, was opened to the public last month, where people were encouraged to get close and touch the sculpture, made from Angel Stone (or Gneiss).

People's movements triggered a number of motion sensors set within the sculpture, with the piece emitting different sounds depending on how people approached it. The natural sounds and music were recorded in South Africa and included a vocal melody sung by the University of Johannesburg Choir. The project was conceived by Mira Calix who described the whole thing as "a song". The work, which is called "Nothing Is Set in Stone", was commissioned for the Mayor of London Presents Festival.

And the drive to create is one way to bring meaning to your life. Take art for example: it is essentially subjective, there is no good or bad art per se, but true art will elicit emotion and make us question the way we view the world and ourselves. It will divide opinion, cause controversy, make us feel something. With human art it's fascinating how every era, every culture has its own art and how many forms bridge cultures. For instance, many cultures use nudity as the artist's passionate celebration of the human form. They name their pieces, and give them a soul.

Far from being a luxury, art has been inherent to humanity since the first, regardless of the riches, poverty, degree of technology or location of the human group. It is part of our legacy and of our psyche, collectively and individually. Indeed the world's oldest known human art - a unique example of Palaeolithic rock art discovered in a cave sealed off for dozens of millennia in southern France - has been termed as the birth of the human soul. The Chauvet cave is rock-hard evidence that art is powerful, and is food for the soul.

What inspires our creativity?

Creativity is bundled into our existence, we confer our humanity on it. It's not difficult to see why - for as well as being a scientist and engineer, Nature is an artist, too. Some say everything is art in a sense; we imitate it, it imitates us; like the mirror dance of two people getting to know the other. Others believe art isn't life, or at any rate shouldn't be - it should be larger than life. To instil pride; to inspire. To prove there is some part of us not made of earth. To make something of ourselves, but bigger than ourselves.

Art in this sense is a rescue of order from the messy wreck of life. Some artists believe that creativity comes out of suffering; you can't spell painting without pain. Sometimes hearing a line of poetry can be like a petal plucked from the stem of the soul. Art, they say, is how we let out our private demons. It is often said that creative geniuses have troubled minds. But being creative is healing; it can be a healthy avenue to release pain.

Contrariwise, creativity at one time was thought to be blasphemous by organised religion; it gave you ambitions, and if you have ambitions it means you believe you're born to more that just your mortal lot. Instead of keeping eyes on the ground, creativity forces us to look up and out to see the shooting stars across the sky - to ask, question and demand. Where we can be free, or be freed to make ourselves anew, to think and to grow.

Thus - whatever the reason we need to creative - the general consensus would be that without creativity we are half what we might be, like an intermission of the mind's life. Indeed it is what gives us "soul". Others may not be artistic, but can be a catalyst for great art - like the real life subject in Leonardo da Vinci's the Mona Lisa. She never lifted a paintbrush but inspired what many consider to be the most iconic painting (if not the greatest) in the world.

Thus creativity is not just about creating something yourself, it's about adding value to something. In this sense, we can take joy in inspiring other people, even if we're not creative. If we can't be a great artist, we can be a great subject; every human has his or her own talents and limits - the smart ones have learned to use their talents, but the happy ones have learned to accept their "limits".

I put that word in quotation marks, because really there are no limits; we can all paint, it doesn't mean the end result will be a Mona Lisa, as long as the end result within ourselves is a masterpiece. Beside the great works our attempts may feel like candles beside the sun, but allowing yourself to be hampered by the fact you're no master painter will not help; we all need to focus on the positive. Shine your own unique light as bright as you can; the story of the high-aiming soul can be a tragedy, but a greater tragedy is the one that never shone at all. Sometimes it can be hard to follow your heart, but be true to who you are and love what others might see as your imperfections - because it means you can't be fit into any mould. You're unique. Creativity is a showcase for that uniqueness - creativity in all forms - and words have just as much power as images to create and to make.

If you never listen to words, you can't make them do enchanted things. Whether writers write from experience or outside of it, they may be far from godlike in their lives, and yet make their godlike presence known on the page, in the words, in the spaces between the words. The right words - or the wrong words - can have a dramatic impact on a person's response to essentially the same point. Said one way, words can change someone's life and they'll remember what you said forever. Said another, the message can fail to connect, or worse, it can damage whatever connection there might have been. It's amazing what simple little letters from our alphabet can do when arranged in the right order.

Words are powerful enough to fill the void in our soul, to refill us as vessels of optimism and hope once more. When we write down statements on how to live our life, it forms a powerful affirmation between our mind, body and spirit and life itself. Think on this:

Despite my past...
Despite tragedy...
Despite hardship...
I will be unconquerable.

Imagine how powerful you would be if that was your mindset. If you adopted this philosophy into every aspect of your day, and every aspect of your life. That's the power of choosing the right words to express your feelings and having the courage to convey your emotions at all. This is the artistry of the wordsmith.

The unconquerable soul

Remember that when you are communicating with your loved ones, friends, and work colleagues a little encouragement, said in the right way, can have a tremendous impact. The way you articulate your feelings can make someone feel 10 feet tall. It gives your words immense value; but also comes with great responsibility.

You never know how you can change someone's life, how you may impact them forever, and how your powerful words will encourage them to follow their dreams. Even if, as Maya Angelou once said, "People will forget what you said", I agree more with how she finished this thought, "but people will never forget how you made them feel."

But it's only by living in accordance to what matters to you, released from the shackles of other's expectations you are able to live a life that inspires admiration in someone else. be an example of someone who followed their dreams passionately and wisely, using perceived "failures" and "limitations" as props to help you get to where you want to go - rather than see them as obstacles to stop you in your tracks, on which stage of life you're currently on. It is these types of individuals that inspire us on to greater things.

The life of English poet William Ernest Henley is one such example. Born in 1849, at the age of 12, Henley contracted tuberculosis of the bone. A few years later, the disease progressed to his foot, and physicians announced that the only way to save his life was to amputate directly below the knee. It was amputated when he was 17. Immediately after the amputation, he received news that another operation would have to be done on his other leg. However, he decided to enlist the help of a different doctor named Joseph Lister. Under Lister's care he was able to keep his other leg by undergoing intensive surgery on his remaining foot.

It was while recovering from this surgery in the infirmary (and influenced by the philosophy of stoicism popular in Victorian times) he was moved to write this poem:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

This short Victorian poem was initially without a title when Henley wrote it. The title "Invictus" (Latin for "unconquered") was added by editor Arthur Quiller-Couch when the poem was included in The Oxford Book of English Verse. Since then, the words of Invictus have come to influence many creative works in print and film, and Henley is known to most people by virtue of this single poem. That tough period of his life, coupled with the reality of an impoverished childhood, played a major role in the meaning behind the poem; it is also the prime reason for its existence.

Despite his physical loss, he survived with one foot intact and led an active life until his death at the age of 53. And I wonder how many people he has inspired, how many have been propped up and saved in their times of crisis because he was courageous enough to use his misfortune for a greater good. His strength added value to all our lives, and the lesson here is that you simply must speak up. Share a few simple words today with someone you admire. William Lyon Phelps once said, we never forget "an encouraging private word, when it is given with sincere respect and admiration", and I can't help but agree with that sentiment.

Charles Kuralt said that the "love of family and the admiration of friends is much more important than wealth and privilege," and for some it's the people we let into our life, the people we trust and love as family that will be our inspiration, the value and the meaning in our lives. Love inspires us to be better than we are, greater than we are.

It's obvious that as a global community we have not managed to attain the top of Maslow's pyramid; even our most developed societies still seem preoccupied with brawn rather than brain - but things are changing. WE can make things change, by changing the way we think. Rather than an "eye for an eye", or "turning the other cheek" in disputes, why not realise there is no need for war to reach a common ground? And rather than be unconquerable in life as in Henley's inspirational poem, what if we didn't see life and its challenges as a duel to fight, but as a duet to participate instead?

Because we can be inspired by people's will to overcome, but bring a new take to existing ideas, too. That we can still command our own voice as we sing along with life - versed to be like a rose that bends with the storm, and opens in the sun. Or that violence should NOT simply be for self-defence; we should no longer make violence an option At ALL. When we can do that, there'll be no need for defence of self or any other kind.

Is war an innate part of human nature?

It used to be in ages past that all the important testaments were of military virtue; tied to medieval codes of honour and the chivalry of knights, where a warlike ruler was believed to be a good ruler and warfare was endemic. It was the law of life, and survival meant success in battle. No land went uncontested, dominion was all. The local populations, including women and children, were happily massacred, while the lives of knights were spared thanks to the code of military valour. We have moved on from that, and we can move further still.

To do this needs a greater awareness of life itself. And maybe we should look at Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs top-down - that without a level of self-actualisation we can't really understand the worth of the other levels to any great degree. It's not just about the opening of our eyes to our true needs, but of opening hearts and minds, too, to realise that we need to choose love over all.

Yours in love,