The Culture of Love

I firmly believe that the culture in which we live - and which we experience, understand, and perpetuate through the media we ingest - has a greater effect than any other factor on how we understand ourselves and the rules of the world around us.

We read about the latest superfood craze, or what our body weight should be, or which foods keep us slim and we try to follow it in our lives. Society tells us being an introvert is somehow wrong, so we force ourselves to appear as something we might not feel like on the inside. We are taught that finding love is like escaping a prisoner of war camp, where luck isn't good enough - you need the Devil's luck as well. So that's what we try to be in capturing a partner.

But culture doesn't just change us, culture changes itself. It isn't static. The thoughts and views of the majority are not placed in bedrock. Films that were banned yesterday, are acceptable today. We wouldn't have thought twice about disposable plastics in yesteryear, or how large our internet economy is. We dazzle ourselves with future technologies, and grumble about present ones. And while we adhere strictly to these modern beliefs, we mock ancient ones. But as that old adage so rightly says, the more things do change, the more they always seem to stay the same.

And we complain about different cultures that clash with our own. Some see exposure to "alien" cultures as valuable, an indication of our acceptance of a different way of life, learning that our way is not the only way. Some see practices and behaviours that are derived from many generations as something to criticise, or at the most extreme, destroy.

Sometimes it's sad the things culture makes us do. Honour killings in Pakistan, young couples committing suicide because of caste differences in India, the issue of euthanasia and assisted suicide being a crime in some places, a way to die with dignity in others.

I have to admit that India's caste system stretches my tolerance and judgement, especially when it causes the death of a young couple in love that just want to be together, but I don't think I have any right to criticise it. I feel for the loss of lives taken so young, and in desperation, because their only crime was to love outside their caste, but we have to accept that this is the way of life and the cultural heritage particular to that country. If changes are to come to India, it must be by the Indian people themselves, or not at all.

It is difficult to challenge such deep-rooted beliefs and hope to create a change. A good friend of mine travels regularly to the remote hill tribes of Indo-China and recently told me of a visit to a tribe where she witnessed at first hand many of the rituals of the animist beliefs that are held there. The most distressing story by far was of the twins that were born in the village. Believing that twins are a curse, the villagers carefully prepared the two babies for the sacrificial ritual and with great sadness suffocated them by pushing leaves into their mouths. This was necessary to appease the gods who had expressed their anger by sending these poor children.

These are differing magnitudes of horror, but where do we draw the line at the influence of culture in our lives? And before we get on our moral high horses, let us not forget the wickedness that is prevalent in our own societies. I wonder how those tribes would view the fact that in the West we allow members of our society to sleep in the streets in the freezing cold of winter, while the buildings by which they shiver lie empty? Or the fact that so many of our old people are left neglected by their own children for who they sacrificed so much of their lives, and by the generation for whom they fought and struggled?

The point I'm trying to make is that every society in the world, however supposedly developed, has its shameful sides, and while it's much easier to see the wickedness in others' belief systems our criticisms might start to appear more hollow when we take an objective look at our own way of life.

And really, the only culture we should adhere to, the only universal culture we have, is that of love. When love is absent from culture, these stark and terrible examples crop up, but where the culture of love is stronger, that is where civilisation truly begins.

Yours in love,

Love is Your Inner Doctor

In a previous post I suggested that for the good of our health we should listen to our bodies. Thanks to the stresses of modern living, we need to take some quiet time to connect with our inner doctor.

Most people don't feel in control of their health, feel dis-empowered and insecure - not knowing what is going to happen as we age. Or how to change things that have been consistently, or over time, issues in our body.

Most of us don't have a clue what our body is telling us. We ignore it, medicate it, or cut it out; but none of that cures what is at the core. If we ignore what our body is telling us, we are likely to have the same physical symptoms repeat themselves or have new ones occur.

Everything that happens in our body, in our life is on purpose. And for those of you drawn to this blog, it's a wake up call, because it's time for you to take responsibility for your own health and learn how to do it in ways that really work for you.

Stress is the big killer

First I want to talk a minute about stress. Stress is everywhere. We all feel stress at certain times. Our ultimate goal is to feel inner peace all the time. It is my ultimate goal. In the meantime we have stress, in different amounts and in different times - and there is stress in the world. And we can feel it because we are all connected.

Read about natural stress-busters.

Life is so rapid nowadays, and that feels so stressful. We feel we always have to be on the move. But we have learn to do it in a way that is balanced.

When we are stressed, it means our body gets out of balance. We don't like being stressed, and because of this we might try and deal with it inappropriately - for example we might find ourselves overeating - eating when we're not hungry, eating too much sugar, eating too many carbs, or drinking alcohol or something similar to excess to calm us down.

Dealing with stress appropriately by meditating, for example, or doing some sort of physical activity, such as yoga is a much better way to deal with the rising stress levels in your body. If we don't deal with stress appropriately (like eating too much sugar) then it can turn toxic in our bodies. The anger and frustration from stress we store in our bodies eventually materialise as disease. To stop this, we need to listen to the warning whispers of our body, before they become as loud as a falling ton of bricks and damage is done permanently.

So it makes sense that if we listen to our body and deal with the warning signs before it's too late, we're less likely to succumb to the dangers of stress that lead to disease. We were all taught to store anger in our bodies, so we have to learn how to release that anger in a healthy way. At some point 75% of us will have this imbalance in our life. One way to notice this is to notice our digestion feels and how feel when we are eating, and if we're using food to deal with stress.

Stress is a very general word, so we need to look what at the actually underlying factors causing stress and how to release them. You can do this by listening to your inner doctor. You can take your power back. You can have more control than you ever realised.

Five steps to your inner doctor

Before we can learn to tap into our inner doctor, we need to get to know our bodies better under stress, so that we can recognise the signs quickly and correctly when our body is trying to speak to us to warn when something is going wrong inside. How do we listen to our body to understand what it is telling us? There are five ways to achieve this level of understanding with your own body.

1. Keep notes on what resonates with you. Keep a record of when you feel insecure, where you've had challenges, where you feel unsure of which way to go. This will eventually turn into a roadmap of your stress, and help you to avoid these issues. Look at how you describe your symptoms and what's going on in your life to stop these symptoms. Physical symptoms are the way your body tells you what is going on in your body and your mind. It is important to understand what these symptoms tell you in order to determine the cause of those symptoms.
2. Ask yourself what you do when you have troubling symptoms. For example, when you have a stomach ache what do you do - do you take medication to soothe your stomach? Or something healthier like aloe vera juice? But even the healthier choice is only a temporary solution masking what is underneath the symptom and not getting at the root of it. Although medication and healthier alternatives are a sound temporary solution, when it keeps continuing you are going to want to get at the core of it to stop it from repeating or getting worse.
3. Ask others questions about your symptoms. You need to gather information about what your specific symptoms mean now and also understand things that may come up in the future. Make a list of questions important to you to ask before you take a supplement, medication, work with a doctor or practitioner to be sure you are doing what is right for your body.
4. Tailor the information to your individual needs. How do you discern what is right for your body when you hear different authority figures dishing out different advice? We all try to search for answers in a variety of ways. We get advice from health stores, from friends, from the TV and online. We look at our symptoms, and if they are similar, we think it could apply to us - but it gets confusing. We need this information, but we need to sift through it to get to clear a path that is right for us. It's an on going process to learn to listen to your inner doctor rather than authority figures. Everything is generalised for the public, for example the dosage of pills, but how do you know what is right for you? You can go by what is on the bottle, or listen to your body. You don't want to get too many vitamins or supplements in your body; it will try to release the stuff it does not need, which will overtax its system and not have the organs working efficiently for optimum health. And to get our power back, and to tap into our own inner body, we have to discern what our own body is telling us - with the help of step 5 below.
5. Spend time alone with your body. Your body talks to you all the time and every bit of it means something. You need to spend time alone with your body to get to learn its language using the information gained from the points above. Listening to your body in this way will not only improve your health, but your relationships, too. So make a commitment to yourself to listen to your own body. Understand the language it speaks to take your power back.

Balance is the key

Once you know what is underlying your symptoms, how do you release it? There are many techniques out there through medical and non-medical techniques. It does make a different what methods you use - they all have merits, but all do different things. Your body and your inner doctor will tell you what is right for you. For instance, yoga is good for some of us to keep stress at bay, but for others a quick, intensive jog is just as beneficial. And sometimes, nothing we do seems to work.

This is because unless we achieve inner balance, neither medicine nor complimentary medicine will help us successfully battle stress and regain our health. As there is a delicate balance in the world around us, there is a delicate balance we must maintain in our inner world, inside our bodies.

For example, balance is important to know when to use supplements in our diet. We shouldn't do too much of anything at one time, otherwise our body won't process it all and it will make us more sick. Take too many of the same supplements and foods, the body will not be able to process it all. Learning balance means learning when to use supplements and when to give up supplements and just get what you need through food and a proper diet.

We need to learn to understand what supplements and foods are needed by our body to heal us in addition to core issues, and then tailor fit and combine food supplements for different parts of body depending on the different symptoms. Cleanses are also good, but must be used at the right time and right level for your particular body.

Learning to create this equilibrium between you and your body takes a lifetime - it should be a continuous process of checks, mini-balances and evaluations, all the time keeping an ear out to what our body is telling us on a daily basis. And the combination of being connected to your inner doctor and spirit with love is even more powerful.

Love is the great balancer

We resolve inner conflicts by learning how to be in the world in a balanced way. We trust in divine timing. We act with wisdom to let things be, and voice things in a way that resonates the balance within us. And love is the great balancer of us all.

Allowing love to be our balance, and our inner doctor, and listening to our body with love, will melt the stress away. You need to learn how to listen to your body so that you can be physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy. The same things that affect your body, affect your ability to attract healthy relationships and live your dreams. These symptoms can be in the way of you having your ideal relationships, which can include depression and anxiety to debilitating back problems.

So you can live out your dreams in a healthy manner, age gracefully and become your own doctor, choose the methods that resonate with your soul - all in divine timing. Once we are on track with our higher purpose and fully aligned with it, it is easier to attract love and find true health.

Nothing is more peaceful than being healthy and happy, so take time to connect with your inner doctor. Listen to your body. Let love end your worries, and give you balance so that you can use your own inner doctor as your higher guidance.

Yours in love,

The (Long) Road to True Love-3

“She walks in Beauty, like the night/Of cloudness climes and starry skies/And all that's best of dark and bright/Meet in her aspect and her eyes...”
— Lord Byron

Click here to attract your own twin flame NOW!

True love offers its own attractions, but if guys want to be naturally attractive to women to help secure an easier path to love, then the guidance given in part 3 below is for you. So, what do women want? For those men who've ever pondered this question, I offer 10 relationship secrets.

Click on at section end to return

Contents Part 1 The rocky road to true love Who cares about the twin flame mythos? Why is true love the road less travelled? Part 2 Five practical ways of finding true love Ten signposts to true love Part 3 For men in love: What do women want?

For men in love: What do women want?

Who can be a better love guru for men than a woman? So, here I reveal the secrets of what women really want from a man. They're based on the study of healthy, happy couples and our changing gender roles that I've researched, along with my own personal experience.

1. Don't hide your flaws. Nothing captures a woman's heart quite like a good man who wants to be a better man. Women love personal growth, they love a man who is thoughtful and sensitive. She likes it when her man recognizes a flaw - a short temper, for example, or a regularly sullen mood after work - and loves it when he makes an effort to address it.
2. Don't try to fix her world. When something is bothering her, she wants your ear, not your advice. Men feel the need to fix things because they are solution-oriented, but to a woman, really listening is a wonderful, wonderful thing that deepens the relationship.
3. Nodding is not enough. Listening is important, but she also wants to know that she is being heard. Nodding along won't cut it. When she pauses, she's giving you a cue to respond in a compassionate, caring way. If she tells you that she is upset because her boss gave her a tough time, she wants to hear you say "I'm sorry that work was such a drag for you today." And remember: Resist the urge to offer solutions. Another point to make here is that a caring guy is a hot guy. Women appreciate a guy with a sensitive side, especially when they're upset. Put your arm around her and hand her a tissue. Nurturing is a powerful way to connect.
4. Women like the slow lane. Guys often want to take the quickest path to sex. But many women prefer the scenic route. Women want sex but they get to it in a different way to achieve a more rewarding relationship. They want to feel connected and understood, they want to be romanced. That means time and talking and touching - in other words, foreplay.
5. Safe sex is a turn-on. This is something both of you need to focus on, but women appreciate it and feel more protected when the guy makes clear that it's a concern to him - and then shows her that he practices what he preaches.
6. Learn what she wants in bed.
Women do like to talk to about what's going on in the sack, and they want to please their man - and a tactful approach is often best. Ask her what she likes. Be sure to ask for what you want in a positive and validating way, something along the lines of, "I would really love if you [fill in the blanks]."
7. Mirroring is a barometer of love. Remember the saying "imitation is the highest form of flattery"? A woman often conveys how she feels about you by mirroring your moods and moves. She may order a meal that pairs with yours, wear your favourite colour, or smile or cross her arms when you do. Mimicking is her way of putting you at ease and letting you know she is charmed.
8. Don't fear the relationship talk. When your woman wants to talk about the relationship, it doesn't mean you did something wrong (well, not necessarily). Many women like to talk about the "state of the union" - what's going right, what's going wrong, or simply what's going on. This is a good thing. An honest, wide-ranging talk can bring the two of you closer.
9. Look your partner in the eye. You may feel more comfortable sitting side by side, but many women prefer face time - and I don't mean the latest mobile video chat technology. Women prefer their men to make eye contact with them as they're talking. And looking her in the eye during sex will deepen the relationship outside the bedroom.
10. Romance is simple; keep it coming. Romance is something she will always want, whether you've been together two months or 20 years. Flowers, an intimate dinner, a few lines of love poetry - don't worry, they don't have to be your own, but at the touch of love everyone becomes a poet - might sound cliché, but most women will appreciate such simple romantic gestures and often show their appreciation after the lights go down.

Read part 1 | Read part 2 | End of part 3

Yours in love,

The (Long) Road to True Love-2

“You know you are in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
— Dr. Seuss

Click here to attract your own twin flame NOW!

Are you tired of constantly dating people but having no luck finding that perfect someone for yourself? Do you believe that it is very difficult to find true love? Are you frustrated with trying again and again but failing each time to determine your twin flame? But are you willing to take the risk to go out and find love?

Well, if the answer to all these questions is yes; my regular readers know by now I like to share practical tips and ideas, so below in part 2 of this article on true love, I give some ways that can help you find your twin flame.

Click on at section end to return

Contents Part 1 The rocky road to true love Who cares about the twin flame mythos? Why is true love the road less travelled? Part 2 Five practical ways of finding true love Ten signposts to true love Part 3 For men in love: What do women want?

Five practical ways of finding true love

1. Take advantage of social media sites, but use responsibly. One of the best and the most favoured places to start looking for your twin is on the internet. Why? Because by using the internet you would be able to reach and meet many more people than you would if you tried the plain, old dating method. And doing all this doesn't require a lot money. So instead of spending your money on blind dates, set up a page on several social networking sites and wait for prospective partners to contact you.


2. Get help from friends and family to spread the word. This method has been tried and tested for centuries, with a strong success rate. There are times when you need family members or friends play cupid for you. So try to spread the word that you are looking for someone who can share his or her life with you, and tell your family and friends to help you look for that someone. What can be said, your friend or a family member might know someone who is perfect for you and is suited to your lifestyle.


3. Take the plunge, it's worth the risk! If you want to find that someone special, then you need to take some risk in finding him or her. Men have traditionally been more ready to make the first move, but dating is a woman's game, too! Do not hesitate in asking a person out if you think that it is worth taking the risk. Do not hesitate and wait for the other person to take the initiative. Who knows, doing this might help you find your twin flame. Try thinking this way, the worse that can happen is that the person who you are approaching disregards your advances. That is not big deal, looking at the fact that this approach has the capability of finding a twin flame for you.


4. Purse a lifelong interest or get a hobby. Try to think of something that you always wanted to do but never got the time. It could be anything ordinary or extra-ordinary, but it needs to be something for which you have passion. Take up needlework, and sew for charity. Volunteer for charity work for your local community. Or do something for yourself. Buy some hiking boots and go on trail walks with accredited groups. Go urban sightseeing. Why do this? Because doing this would help you reach out to a group of people who share your interest and who knows you might bump into someone who is perfect for you.


5. Do things to keep you positive. This might sound like a catch-all, but you need to keep positive. Make an action checklist. Read tips on how to keep yourself occupied during your low days. Meditation and yoga is a good way to achieve a positive mind set; but just reading an inspiration quote a day could help, too. Only a positive mind set will help you achieve your dreams, negativity attracts negative situations. Take a minute every day to be thankful, and to re-evaluate your life. Know when to focus on the details, know when to take a step back and focus on the bigger picture. Do things that make you happy, don't dwell on the mistakes of the past. Use the experience gained, and look forward appreciating what you have, so that you can concentrate on getting what you want in the future.

These are some of the things which you can do in order to purse the path of love and find that special someone who is made just for you. But what are the signs we should look out for when we find someone we think is special?

Ten signposts to true love

We've found someone we're interested in; but pheromones and hot nights all wrapped up in the first steamy months of confusion can make us wonder whether it's love or lust. Add that to the fact that the modern stresses of daily living has made most of us forget how to listen to our hearts. We've become cynical, and no longer trust our instincts. Some ignore their inner voice at their peril.

To help us remember what true love is, and how to determine if someone we're interested in is sour twin flame or not, I provide ten signs of true love below. Read these with my five steps and four essential tips for twin flames.

So, you are experiencing true, real love when...

1. You are giving real love coupled with support. All love can seem a little selfish at first attraction (you want to get what you want, right?), but true love makes you consciously check your own intentions for getting involved with the person you're involved with.

   Your desire to give to them on a daily basis without having to get something back in return is the reflection of true love. It should mostly be about understanding and giving your support to anything he or she wants to achieve. This is one of the greatest things we can do; it's a gift of a true twin flame. Once the both of you decide on, learn how to, and commit to supporting each other, there will be no question in either of your minds that you have found your twin flame, the mate of your life.

   But remember reality will bite. Real romance is not fiction, but it is practical. True love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness, but realistically when couples become a working family, and children are involved, money will matter. We have to accept the way society is, and money has always been one of the main reasons for conflicts between couples. Together with sex and the in-laws, it makes up the "fearsome threesome" - subjects that cause havoc, resentment, bring couples to counselling and even break a couple apart.

   So, if you have money problems - or other types of problems - talk about them. You get the idea, right? Support each other in everything. In true love support is essential. In real love it's more than just wanting the other person, you want the other person's good, too.

2. There is stability in the relationship. Even true love has its challenges to overcome. Twin flame purists can give the impression of an ultimate pairing which suggests a perfection that we'll never attain. Because in real life mistakes are made in every relationship. After all, to err is human, to forgive is divine. Rather it's your feelings, or your actions toward one another, that should not not change in the face of adversity. You should still hold one another in high regard and favour, be tender toward each other, and feel loyal in the midst of storms, tests, and trials in life.

   This kind of stability doesn't necessarily mean a stable relationship, however. It means a stability in your devotion to each other come what may. To take an overly dramatic example, like Sun-Hwa & Jin-Soo Kwon, the doomed lovers from drama series Lost. Through all their ups and downs (and there were many), they never seemed to lose their devotion for one another. There was just something so touching about them, even though their relationship is the proverbial roller coaster throughout the series. They come to a tragic end, where Jin makes the choice to die with his wife, the ultimate act of devotion.

3. You are considerate of one another. Are you both unselfish and take the other's feelings into account before you act? If so, this is a sign of true love. You won't do anything to deliberately harm your significant other. And an apology is swiftly given when one (or both) of you unknowingly or accidentally do or say something to hurt the other. But I also like to think that it's more about finding someone whose company you can enjoy without needing to chatter. As Mia Wallace says in Pulp Fiction: "That's when you know you've found somebody really special: you can just shut up for a minute and comfortably share silence."

   Sometimes a simple touch can speak volumes about feelings, and sometimes it's just more considerate to stay silent when things go wrong. Or even just to lend an ear. Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals. Because when true love grows within you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul, and without love our soul is a tomb.

4. Feelings of resentment, jealousy or discontentment, are quickly checked. These feelings don't exist between you two or they are quickly checked, addressed and put in order if they do arise. This is because you both understand the destructive consequences of the relationship becoming damaged or ending if you let these feelings fester and go unchecked. MSN UK's article for couples on arguments being good for a relationship explains that "clearing the air" with a passionate discussion can be good, if it is constructive.

   Try to see each point of conflict as an opportunity to improve the relationship as a whole, aiming for compromise wherever possible. If constantly seem to be trying to make your partner realise you’re “right”, it’s a sign you feel unfulfilled and unimportant somewhere else in your life. Fix that instead.

   An argument should not be to change someone's mind, and if that is the reason couples argue, then they should leave well enough alone. If you don't like what is being said, it's best not to say anything at all in the heat of the moment. But a constructive argument can become a reaffirmation of the relationship. If couples don't intentionally choose to keep growing together they tacitly agree to grow apart, and sometimes two people have to fall apart to realise how much they need to fall back together, too.

   When it's true love, if you'll permit the pun, there's no point in putting up a fight. Love is a fabric which never fades, no matter how often it is washed in the water of adversity and grief. True love might not be love for you all the time - sometimes you can't stand being around the person, but other times you simply can't stand being away. However, it's worth the fall, because true love helps you make the wise choice to put your trust not in crisis situations, but in divine time to bring you through any obstacle.

   For this to work, a belief must exist inside each of you that whatever love can do in the life of others, it can do the same thing and more for you. The only remedy for such a love, is to love more. You have to trust in love, and listen to your heart. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

5. You two are not arrogant toward the other. In a true love relationship, neither of you speak or act in a manner that dishonours, disregards, or disrespects each other.

   We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only end, and as such, true love is eternal, infinite, and always like itself. It is equal and pure, without violent demonstrations: it is seen in the old and is always young in the heart. Would you disrespect such a love?

6. You don't remain angry at the one you love. Flying off the handle at the love of your life on a regular basis (or mistreating them because of your own mishandled emotional state) is not an option if you want the relationship to last.

   Even twin flames must go through their challenges, but you both must take the necessary steps and measures to ensure that your strong feelings of displeasure dissipate or are appropriately managed as soon as possible. The feelings of fear (and the cause of your fear) that are the source of your feelings of anger must be quickly recognised and addressed in order to protect your true love relationship. When this is achieved you'll continually act with power, love and a sound mind toward one another - because the life and love we create is the life and love we live.

7. You don't hold grudges. In a true love relationship you don't hold onto and keep rehashing the past. Sulky, complaining words can only mess things up in a relationship. You don't keep score of how many times you were right and how many times your partner was wrong. You refrain from harbouring negative feelings toward the one you love.
8. You don't revel, boast, or celebrate when your significant other is in pain. Now you may think this is obvious when you read this, but it's an issue in many relationships because a large number of people are hurting, discontent and worn out in their regular everyday lives. As we know, misery loves company. People tend to take pleasure in the low points of others because they don't want to be in the ditch, valley, or pit all by themselves. This is not the case in a true love coupling.
9. You tell each other the truth. Twin flames both faithfully, consistently tell each other the truth. Being honest should be the standard in your relationship. Truth spoken in love will bind you two together, whereas lies which lead to mistrust will eventually break the relationship apart. Honesty will cause you to grow in your relationship with one another and mature in your relationship with true love. It is this that will hold your relationship together. Remember a threefold cord (composed of you, your significant other, and true love) is not easily broken.

   Twin flame love cannot be used against itself, so if you're in a relationship where your partner has abused your trust, and taken advantage of your weaknesses - well then in your heart you know that it has nothing to do with love, true or otherwise. Honesty is also about making the right choices. So, if someone you're interested rejects your love, even if they seem to give the impression they would be a good match for you, it is not true love. Similarly, despite someone seeming bad for you at first instance, if the love grows between you - then the opposite could be true.

10. You always look for the best in each other. Somehow you see the best in your significant other even when or if others around you see the worst. You see beyond where they are now, to the man or woman they can become. Twin flames envision their bright future and destiny, and encourage, exhort, uplift, and partner with one another to get there. Because it's love that makes the world go round, and the ride worthwhile.

Read part 1 | End of part 2 | Read part 3

Yours in love,