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“If you want to be a great person, then you must first become a good person.”
— Mickie Kent
Life is fragile, our time is short and we're all going to die. We all know (even if we don't really believe it) that life will end no matter what we do.
We are governed by the laws of physics as are all living things. It's a scientific reality that hearts and clocks slow down, as they approach the speed of light at the point at which matter is converted into energy. All our hearts will converge at that point converting our matter into energy, into pure white light. And in this sense, although those gone before in this way are no longer with us, they are all around us.
Click here for 40 tips to a happier and healthier life.
But instead of simply wasting precious time by waiting to go into the light in death, why not go into the light in life? Experts tell us that when we light up our life with happiness and goodness, they bring their own personal gain. It may even help us live longer.
Feeding the soul in this way isn't really about extending your life, however, but expanding it. Even when you die, you will live, because the goodness you do will live on after you. And when you die, at least you will have lived. Death becomes reduced to nothing more than a mere closing of the eyes.
If someone were to ask about a recipe guide on food for the soul, you could do no worse than follow a three course meal of 1) goodness, 2) value and 3) happiness. No journey should be taken on an empty stomach, and you can't search for the meaning of your life with a hungry soul.
As an example, I want to share a story with you provided by a taxi driver in New York City during one of his daily rounds. He wrote about a life changing (and affirming) experience for him:
I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked. "Just a minute," answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.
After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie.
By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.
There were no clocks on the walls, no knick-knacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.
"Would you carry my bag out to the car?" she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.
She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.
She kept thanking me for my kindness. "It's nothing," I told her. "I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated."
"Oh, you're such a good boy," she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, "Could you drive through downtown?"
"It's not the shortest way," I answered quickly.
"Oh, I don't mind," she said. "I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice."
I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. "I don't have any family left," she continued in a soft voice. "The doctor says I don't have very long." I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.
"What route would you like me to take?" I asked.
For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.
We drove through the neighbourhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newly-weds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.
Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.
As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, "I'm tired. Let's go now."
We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.
Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.
I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.
"How much do I owe you?" She asked, reaching into her purse.
"Nothing," I said.
"You have to make a living," she answered.
"There are other passengers," I responded.
Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.
"You gave an old woman a little moment of joy," she said. "Thank you."
I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.
I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?
On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life."
As illustrated in the above story, we're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments can often catch us when we least expect it - beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one. It's not the greatness of the action per se, but the amount of goodness there lies behind it.
So, why is it so difficult for many of us to choose to live life well, and add value to our lives by doing good? I don't want to go through life thinking the worst of people. I want to go through life thinking that people are basically good and decent. I want to believe in the goodness of people. Everyone has goodness within them, and if you look beneath the surface far enough you're going to discover a basic core of goodness that makes us all human.
When we talk about tools to help expand spiritual fulfilment, awaken inner powers, and transform our potential into tangible results, goodness is an undeniable ally on that path. Doing good nourishes the soul. It helps you connect with your spirit, and to connect with the spirit of others. It's also believed to be an important component of what makes a great human being.
Theologians, philosophers and humanists have all joined in on the long running debate about what makes a great human being. Some determine that first, in order to be a great human being, you must be a good human being.
It's said there are two requirements of a good person. First, a good person does everything he or she says he or she will do. A good person honours their contracts. They deliver on their promises. And second, a good person does no harm to others. Everything you can think of, from the Ten Commandments to every bizarre law passed by democratic institutions, can be covered in these two simple rules for living a good life.
But those are just the prerequisites for being a good person. To be a great person, you have to be doing something great, something far out of the ordinary. You can't look at a great person and lump him or her in with all other good human beings. They must be doing something great that is outside the norms.
One of the components of doing something great is adding value to the world. For some, it might be raising a healthy, happy, tight family. For others, it might helping dozens, hundreds, thousands, or millions of individuals. If you are adding more value to the world than you are consuming, then you will be great, whether it's to your lived ones, or to the world.
Create value. Help others. Doing this will ensure your life is a success, because whatever your definition of success might be, adding value will be a large part of it. This version of success also ensures a positive legacy, and if you build a positive legacy, you ensure a life of success.
History is littered with the tragedies of people who have suffered from personal struggles as their financial success increased. What often brings them down is the other half of the success equation - consumption. While they might continue to add value to the world, they tend to get in trouble because their voracious appetite for consumption out-paces all of the value they create.
It's only when they return to adding value to the world that the truly capture success in their personal lives, as well as their professional ones. As Lao Tzu, seen by many as the father of Taoism, once said, "The wise man puts himself last and finds himself first."
Just as a by-product of healthy eating is often weight loss, a by-product of adding value to the world creates huge gains for you. However, problems can arise when we focus on the outcome rather than the process. The outcome, for almost any goal, can lead to someone following the wrong processes. If the focus is only on weight loss, people try all sorts of unhealthy processes. Likewise, when we place the focus only on accumulating wealth as reward for adding value, we can make all sorts of unrighteous decisions.
However, if you switch your focus from achieving success to the process of adding value to the world, your chances of achieving success will actually increase.
Therefore, be good, be passionate, and add value to the world. There are amazing opportunities out there for you because the world is full of problems that need solving. Be a value adder, not a value extractor. Focus on the process and the outcome should take care of itself.
The gains of love
“One day you will wake up and there won't be any more time to do the things you've always wanted. Do it now.”
— Paulo Coelho
When you help others, you gain so much more in return. When you help others, it's said you're doubly blessed. First, you know you're blessed to have something to give. Second, when you give of yourself, your blessings are returned many times over.
The investment of helping someone else yields returns at a much faster rate than self-absorption. When I help others, in turn, they also help me when I am in need. In the end, I have created a community of caring relationships. These relationships are important for the health and fulfilment of every member of my community.
Communities are a symbol of humanity's reality that no human is an island. Humankind is a business we are all involved in, and when it is in crisis, it affects all of us.
I am rewarded when I see the smile in another person's face because of something I have provided them. It's a great joy to be able to light up another person's eyes. I feel a sense of fulfilment and accomplishment because I can go outside myself to meet another person's needs. I share in the joy that others experience when they receive help from me.
When I help others, I learn lessons in humility by considering others above myself. Helping others reminds me that it's not all about me. I learn gratitude by putting myself in the shoes of others and being thankful for what I have.
Gaining caring relationships, a clearer sense of purpose, a heart filled with gratitude, and a humble attitude in return for helping others seems to me like an excellent trade.
So, ask yourself some self-reflection questions:
- Who can I help today?
- What do I have to offer?
- When was the last time I helped someone?
There is also another issue we need to reflect on when we consider helping others, and that is the flip-side - are we hurting others?
There are a lot of ways that we hurt others, unintentionally. It might be neglecting your children because you're too busy working or isolating a loved one because you think they can handle their problems on their own.
There's another way we hurt others, but it often goes unnoticed. It's all about doing all that you say you'll do.
How many times has someone promised you the following and then left you waiting? Or worse, how many times have you been the one making false promises? How many times this week? How many times today?
It's a mistake you can't afford to make, not when you want to build long-term relationships with clients or colleagues, or loved ones. Instead, you must use the "make a promise-keep a promise" system. That's the formula for success. That's the equation for deep relationships.
Make a promise. Keep a promise. It's so simple, yet day-after-day we see businesses, politicians, and spouses all over the world drop the ball on this.
In your family life, you simply need to do all that you say you're going to do. If you promise to be somewhere at a certain time to do something, you must fulfil your obligation. Wherever you are, be there.
That means not being engrossed in your smartphone while at the park with your children or, the ultimate disrespect of all, texting while having dinner with someone. Either don't promise to have that dinner or have the patience and courtesy to wait until later to send your phone messages. Make a promise to be there, and keep it.
In your business, do all that you say you're going to do. Honour your contracts. Deliver on the promises made to your customers, suppliers, and partners. Avoid the temptation to over-promise and under-deliver. Be clear in your offer and make sure to avoid overextending yourself in the process. If you know you can't deliver on a promise, don't sell it. That mistake will only cause you a nagging headache and dent in your reputation.
Finally, if something goes wrong, hold yourself accountable. Fix the situation and minimise the damage. We can all do better. Do everything you can to keep your promises and to use the same "make-a-promise, keep-a-promise" system throughout all areas of your life.
Remember when you make a promise you put yourself on the line. Make your promises, keep your promises. Over-deliver value and exceed the expectations of everyone you deal with in life, because the return gains will act as spiritual fuel to power up your soul.
The philosophy of happiness
“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down happy. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
— John Lennon
Another part of the good food guide for the soul is happiness. But what exactly is happiness? To start to define an esoteric concept, we need to go to the great thinkers and their philosophies that may help you find happiness.
It's probably too idealistic to expect that we can remain euphorically happy during times of extreme crisis, recession and when external events such as bereavement, illness or the loss of a job suddenly hits us with the impact of a demolition ball. But despite tragic or difficult circumstances, experts say there are strategies that can help us keep sane and enjoying what life has to offer.
Can we make ourselves happier?
Below are 10 non-religious philosophies that may just inspire you to take a more positive approach to finding or maintaining happiness, if not your sanity, through difficult times. Could finding a new philosophy on life help you find happiness in troubled times? Take your pick, or pick and mix according to your own unique style of what works for you.
- Epicurean: Rather than advocating a free-for-all in lustful actions and gluttony, the epicurean way, as first stated by Greek philosopher Epicurus, is more about advocating "friends, freedom and thought" as a path to happiness.
The main tenets for contentment as stated by Epicurus were a life among friends, a body free from pain and a peaceful mind.
Certainly what separates this attitude from a Protestant work ethic is simply not to feel guilty about wanting to have a good time and seeking pleasure in everything.
The idea being that a fun-seeking person will not only keep them in a positive frame of mind but also cheer up those surrounding them.
- Socrates: One of the greatest gifts the Athenian philosopher gave to the world was that thinking logically about our lives may help us to be more certain about ourselves. According to Socrates, happiness lies in not worrying about what others think of you.
Socrates believed that without confidence, it's unlikely we will make the right choices. Emphasis is placed on not appeasing others too much or being concerned by what people may think.
Cynics might see these traits as being the motivators of the most anti-social citizens but the idea is really to be more independent-minded and positive about the world. Socrates famously died for his beliefs - encouraging us to stand up for our own.
- Stoicism: Another Greek philosophy from Zeno of Citium but one that the Victorians had more in common with, although doesn't actually mean you have to act like a corseted stuffy governess. The teachings of stoicism are about not allowing emotions - especially destructive ones like anger and jealousy - colour decisions, actions and day-to-day living. In the UK it was adopted into the distinctively British characteristic referred to as stiff upper lip. It came to stand for unblinking fortitude in the face of adversity and hardship - or the suppression of boiling emotion.
Read Victorian poetry inspired by stoicism.
Stoicism teaches the development of self-control and in a world of many distractions and temptations that's probably not such a bad thing. Especially when you need to finish putting up that flat-pack wardrobe.
- William James: James, considered to be the father of psychology, put emphasis on "giving up pretensions" in order to become a more fulfilled and content human being. William James believed giving up pretensions and accepting our limitations were essential to finding contentment in life.
His view was that there are many things about ourselves that we would like to be true - but that we know deep down we either fall short of or are far from reality. As long as we cling to them, James could only envisage continuing disappointment and dissatisfaction in our lives.
- Arthur Schopenhauer: The 19th-century German philosopher is probably the closest we'll get to Jack Dee advising us on how to make life tolerable.
Schopenhauer believed that humankind is pretty wretched and driven by basic cravings that make us miserable. His solution to escape every frustration is to accept that choices are not made freely.
But it's not all pessimism. A major tenet of Schopenhauer's life philosophy is escaping self-oppression by immersing oneself in the arts. He suggests developing a passion for music ("the purest form of art") and to seek out sex and love where you can find it, seeing love affairs as "more important than all other aims in man's life".
- Benjamin Franklin: Benjamin Franklin, the philanthropist, scientist and almanac publisher, compiled a compendium of wise aphorisms and practical information about how to live well. His musings made up the first American self-help book. Good deeds and good humour were Benjamin Franklin's philosophical tenets of choice.
Franklin was Confucius with a sense of humour. Classics include "take counsel in wine, but resolve afterwards in water" and "he that lieth down with dogs, shall rise up with flies".
One belief Franklin stood by was that the way to do well in the world was to do good. His mixture of old-fashioned morality and emphasis on self-responsibility would have been a welcome ingredient in our banking system.
- Michel de Montaigne: Sixteenth-century French philosopher Michel de Montaigne understood what can make us feel bad about ourselves. He recognised three things that make us unhappy: bodily inadequacy, being judged and intellectual inadequacy - the feeling that we're not as bright as we should be.
For Montaigne, self-loathing is key to self-esteem issues. But he put forward some practical solutions. Montaigne urged people to remember that they're animals: "Kings and philosophers shit and so do ladies," wrote Montaigne, reminding us of our relation to the farmyard.
In a world where society makes judgements on how we dress and eat and our lifestyles, Montaigne suggests that we take a leaf out of the animal kingdom and feel less shameful of who and what we are. Accept ourselves and our limitations with grace and a touch of humour and remember that "even upon the highest throne we are seated on our arses".
- Friedrich Nietzsche: He may never have been the kind of guy you'd invite round for a karaoke evening but the wise sage did say some profound truisms on happiness and how best to find it. According to Nietzsche, worthwhile achievements come from overcoming hardship.
Nietzsche, who once said that "there are no facts, only interpretations," advocated hard work and effort as being a key to fulfilment and happiness. His main dictum being that any worthwhile achievements in life come from the experience of overcoming hardship.
- Albert Schweitzer: The humanitarian Nobel peace prize winner is the author of one of the most thoughtful and beautifully simplistic statements: "Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful."
Of course, the reality of the employment world, needing stringent qualifications and access to training can throw cold water on such idealism, but Schweitzer's main point is that primarily striving to be successful materialistically isn't the way to find happiness.
- Humanism: Humanism advocates a philosophy of life inspired by humanity (as opposed to beliefs in divinity) and guided by reason.
According to humanists, the main tenets for a happy and content life are to take responsibility for your actions and base your ethics on the goals of human welfare. Firmly non-religious, the movement is made up of agnostics and atheists.
When looking at the physical results of happiness, some believe that rather than a goal, happiness should be regarded a state that we can achieve through our nourishing actions of goodness and adding value, or it can be by doing nothing more than shifting our inner perspectives. Some believe happiness may come at a price - a reduced ability to take into account unwanted information, a tendency to discount bad news and have a rosy (if unrealistic) view of the future.
Happiness is a healthy state
Gore Vidal once famously said that the secret to a happy life was never to "pass up a chance to have sex or appear on television." But rather than simply pursuing things that make you happy, or pursuing happiness as a main objective or goal, some suggest that you should focus on happiness as a state created by positive actions, and an inner outlook or peace and tolerance. Happiness is also believed to help you draw whatever you want, and is a harmonious bond that helps gel together the mind, body and soul.
The reason experts say that we must cultivate the soul with happiness, is that our happiness comes from inside us, so we need to fuel that inner source. In the same way that you can crank the thermostat to warm up on chilly days, you can reprogramme your everyday level of happiness to a higher level of peace and well-being. In doing so, experts say a wide range of transformations to take place.
Although we have talked about feeding the soul expanding your life, rather than extending it, a by-product of nourishing the soul is longer life. For example, when you are happy, you're more emotionally healthy, physically healthy, creative, energetic, compassionate, and successful. So, what do we need to do?
- Take ownership of your happiness. Experts suggest you must focus on solutions instead of problems, find the gifts in life, and make peace with yourself.
- Let love lead. This is what the main bulk of this article has been about. You need to focus on gratitude, practice forgiveness, and spread loving kindness. (This works as well in business as it does in your personal life.)
- Make the cells of your body happy. You have to learn to nourish your body, energise your body, and tune into your body's wisdom. This is about listening to your body. (Read more about that here.)
- Plug yourself into spirit. You need to invite connection to your higher power, listen to your inner voice, and trust life's unfolding.
- Live inspired by purpose. You need to find your passion, follow the inspiration of the moment, and contribute to something greater than yourself.
- Cultivate nourishing relationships. You need to learn how to tend to your relationships so that they grow, surround yourself with support, and see the world as your family.
Don't believe everything your broken mind tells you. You need to reprogramme your mindset if it is geared towards negativity. You must question the validity of your thoughts, let go of thoughts that don't serve you, and incline your mind toward joy. (Read more about that here.)
You will have noticed that there is a lot of overlap with advice for the mind and the body, because happiness is a marriage of all three. You can't achieve a state of happiness if the soul is undernourished, but you have a strong healthy mind and body. However successful you are, you will feel as though something is missing from your life.
Furthermore, in time, a deeper unhappiness will ultimately leech over to all areas of your life. Research has shown that unhappy people:
- Are 65% more likely to get a cold.
- Have a greater risk of heart disease, strokes, hypertension, infections, and Type 2 diabetes.
- Release more of the stress hormone cortisol. They have a higher heart rate and may be at higher risk for heart attacks.
- Are less likely to find a spouse.
- Live nine years fewer than their happy counterparts.
Thus, happiness is not just food for the soul, it is the healthy, harmonious state of the mind, body and soul aligned together for a successful life that adds value to the world - a true light in life that cannot be extinguished in death.
Yours in love,
