Make Your Way with Love

“So come pull the sheet over my eyes/So I can sleep tonight/Despite what I’ve seen today/I find you guilty of a crime/Of sleeping at a time/When you should have been wide awake.”
— Audioslave

If life is the same-o same-o routine playing out a bit like that Bill Murray movie, Groundhog Day, it can feel like your sleeping while wide awake. But don't let that keep you from actually living the life you dream of everyday. There is always a way to make life like a box of love heart sweets - with a different positive message to get you on track for each day.

But, you have to believe that there is a way and you have to power to take action. Otherwise, you'll blink and one day will turn into 30 years and the next thing you know, you'll be retiring not just from your job - but from your life. And I'm not talking about taking action for one day, I'm talking about taking action everyday, over and over again, consistently for a long period of time. Because that is the only way you will make progress.

For every obstacle, there is a solution. For every challenge, there is a reward. But we must open our eyes and truly be wide awake.

Remember the theme song to Cheers? "Making your way in the world today, takes everything you've got." Well if that was the case in the 1980s, imagine what it takes to make your way in the world today. You need to be indispensable.

Confidence sells - people believe in those who believe in themselves. No one wants to be stuck in a room with other people who feel like they don't deserve to be there. Stop wondering if you're good enough. Know you are, and start acting like it.

How to be indispensable

There is a single quality that is so rare, that if you're an employer, when you find someone who has it, you'll do pretty much anything to bring that person on board and keep them happy.

And, the thing is, some people cultivate it naturally. But, others, once they realise its power, may be able to build it into who they are and how they operate. So, what do employers (and even lovers) look for? What makes a person attractive enough to be indispensable?

What is that single quality that makes someone precious and indispensable?

Beyond intelligence, loyalty, kindness, respect, discipline, pride, passion and compassion, it's the ability to create.

Sounds so simple. But truth is, the vast majority of people spend their lives learning how to follow then execute other peoples' game plans (even in relationships). Fitting their skills, abilities and mindsets into the predefined responsibilities and tasks required by a predefined job. And, that's fine. We need people like that in the world. If that's you and you work with pride and add value and that makes you happy, rock on.

But, know too that you regardless of how hard you work, you will very likely never be at the top of the indispensable list. Not because you're bad at what you do, not because you don't add value. Not because those around you don't like or even love you. But because there will always be a sea of people lined up to take your job who can do what you do in a similar enough way to make your boss, partner, colleague or collaborator happy.

For every creator, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of operators. You are expendable - and might even be viewed as collateral. Which is wrong - because no human being is collateral.

In my "Stop Doing and Start Being" post I had written that we as people are more than just what we do - and in this context we are more than just a job position.

In ancient times if you had asked an Egyptian or a Greek who they were, they would have given their father's name or their town of birth, but if you had asked the average Roman, he or she would have told you what they did for a living. It's what they wrote, along with their life stories, on their tombstones that are still visible in Rome today, even after two thousand years.

You have to relate that to the sheer size and anonymity of a great metropolis. In a world without ID cards, without passports, without birth certificates, how do you know what you are? Who you are? In ancient Rome, you knew that because of your job. How did they make their identity clear? On their tombstones they would write their occupation - i.e., "this is what I do".

Ancient Romans were small cogs in the big machine of imperial Rome (which at its zenith had a city population of over a million), they possibly didn't know their neighbours, everyone was looking for new ways to make their mark and stand out - and if they moved up in the world, to show that they had made it. It created new opportunities of conspicuous consumption.

This was centuries ago, but does it sound familiar?

Which is why, when you're a creator, everything changes. Rather than being the one people ask to carry out a plan, people look to you to create a plan. To solve a problem, to innovate a new idea, product, service or campaign, to see opportunities where everyone else sees barriers, to blaze a new trail rather than follow a well grooved one.

And, the thing is, most often it's not about radical departures from the norm or Earth-shattering breakthroughs.

What I'm talking about is the ability to create solutions on a daily basis. To understand we're at point A and we need to get to point B, then tap your creative/problem-solving juices to conjure the best possible way to get there.

An employer steering his or her commercial ship will find that ability immensely more valuable than someone who needs to be told every step from A to B by operators in the pipeline. Because it frees up the top echelon's creative juices to focus on other projects, while trusting in another's ability to figure out how to get done what needs to get done.

And if you're an individual who can not only create anew, solve problems and map out innovative pathways, but also possesses the ability to execute, to bring those plans to life then your even more valuable in the workplace.

People who can do both are extraordinarily rare finds, because creation and implementation are very different processes and almost always inhabit different brains and bodies, too. Most peoples' minds just don't function well on both levels. Which is why those folks tend to rise quickly up the ranks and often become entrepreneurs.

However, if you heal your mind with my 90 day programme, you'll find yourself becoming more creative, and retuning your brain to a more successful mindset. Not only will you become a rare find for your employer, but you'll be indispensable in your love relationships, too.

Yours in love,

Get on Track with Love

Regular readers of my blog will have realised from my posts on love that our health and happiness depends on more than just our diet and exercise habits. They also derive from a focus on being clear about what you really want in life and pursuing those goals with a passion. Some call this following your bliss. It isn't easy, but is imperative for optimal well-being.

While you might connect the word passion with thoughts that are racy or sexual, in fact, this term simply refers to your bliss and happiness in life. It also includes the things and people that inspire you and motivate you to action. Your passion is what you must possess to be happy. You need to ask the question: "Am I getting out of life what I came here for?"

The typical person takes an approach to life that emphasises what should be done and ignores deeper desires. This perspective holds that life has to be lived a certain way, the right way. And though this accepted right way is supposed to be the correct way to happiness, it usually doesn't produce satisfying results. So, how do you get on track for health and fulfilment?

Asking vital questions

I used to find that many of my friends were afraid to question whether they are truly happy. And this is true of most of us. We are afraid of doing more with our lives or moving out of our comfort zones. Yet those fearful ones remain largely uninspired, unfulfilled and unhappy. I ask those afraid: "What do you dream about being, doing or having differently than now?" Aside from a few small goals, the response will almost always be: "I have never considered it possible for me to be, do or have what I really wish for."

This prevalent thinking pattern stems from fear and begins with relatively simple, repetitive thoughts that grow into the beliefs that control your perspective. As a result, your beliefs create what you think is your truth, even if, in reality, it is not true at all. It's called being locked in a negative mindset, and this can happen early on as children.

Click here to rewire your mindset for success!

How many times have you discovered that your beliefs were completely the opposite of the truth? For instance, you may have thought that a friend was thinking negative thoughts about you only to find out later the opposite was the case. Still, your simple thought, correct or not, turned into a belief. Then your belief became the basis of what you thought was true for you. But it was true only because you believed it to be so. Then all your actions grew out of this belief, irrespective of whether the belief was correct!

The same basic process occurs in relationship to what you think you can or cannot achieve or experience in life.

Thoughts are powerful

Over time, your thoughts, when you entertain them for a prolonged period, crystallise into beliefs and your accepted truth. These thoughts become a self-fulfilling prophecy because of the simple law of attraction: That which is like unto itself draws similar objects to itself. So, the more attention you give to any subject, the more active the vibration of that subject is within you, until eventually it totally shapes your experience.

There is scientific evidence of thoughts gaining power over a prolonged period. In my "Heal Your Mind with Love" post I provide a 90 day healing programme to reset a negative mindset by focusing on the goals you want to attain everyday. It's important to focus on your goals everyday, because that kicks in your reticular activating system into action. This is actually a bundle of nerves that sits at the central core of your brain stem and is responsible for several different functions in the body. Notably, it can filter out images, sounds and input that we are bombarded with every single day.

We've all experienced our reticular activating system at work. For example, let's say you're like me, someone who is not interested in cars until you have to buy one. My twin flame suggested a family car model that we could buy, and now I'm seeing them everywhere! This is because suddenly this certain model of vehicle is of interest to me and my reticular activating system is picking it up.

Another example is whenever I overhear about conversations about movies, and someone is trying to remember an actor's name, I can answer that query even if I am in mid-sentence with someone else, because this information interests me. Believe me, I don't eavesdrop on other people's conversations. So, how do I pick up that question and not the rest of the conversation? Because it's just this one sentence that is of interest to me which comes through. It's like when you hear someone say your name across a noisy room. What happens is your concious mind will be engaged in the conversation you're having, but your subconscious mind is absorbing much, much more around you.

The subconscious mind can actually handle 40 million bits of data per second; the concious mind can only handle 40 bits of data per second. And the reticular activating system acts as a gatekeeper between the conscious mind and subconscious mind to only let through the information that's of interest to you.

What this means is that by focusing on your goals daily - by being clear about what it is that you want (and don't want) and visualising this regularly with emotion - you are telling your conscious mind and your subconscious mind that these are things of particular interest to you.

Subsequently, you are deliberately programming the reticular activating system (which acts the gatekeeper between the subconscious mind and the conscious mind) to let through what you want it to let through from out of the 40 million bits of data.

Remember, if you're focusing on your end result, the universe steps in and provides you with all the resources, people, opportunities and ideas you need, and by focusing on those things you're telling the reticular activating system when the subconscious mind comes across something to do with your goals to let that through - because this is going to help you achieve it.

With the law of attraction, once you focus on what you want and visualise yourself with those things already in your possession with emotion, and take action in the direction of your goal, the universe steps in and you attract all the people, the ideas, and resources, and opportunities that you need to achieve it. The reticular activating system is what helps you to recognise those things the universe sends your way to achieve your goal.

That's why you have to be cautious about your thoughts. You get in your life what you think about whether you really want it or not. Chronically thinking about unwanted things invites unwanted experiences.

The most extreme example of this kind of self-fulfilling thought takes place in religiously motivated suicide bombers. Call them crazy, but for these people, meeting death in that manner represents truth and even God's will. They believe it strongly enough to give their lives.

Errant beliefs in your life

Are there any errant beliefs in your life? Many of you have chosen your paths in life because you were told they were the right paths, the good paths or the paths others expected you to take. This strong sense of right and wrong is often a very strong barrier to happiness. This is not bad, but there is a higher truth called freedom. Unless your beliefs about what is right and wrong are in alignment with the true and authentic desires of your spirit, you will discover frustration and great limitation in your happiness.

I mentioned earlier that your rules of right and wrong may, in fact, be the root cause for your unhappiness. Overly strict religious or social rules often lead to depression and despondency. They do not allow feelings of freedom, and those feelings are things your spirit knows and loves most. When you feel restricted for too long, your spirit naturally longs for freedom.

Think of it in terms of layers. Our stress is a layer under a layer of beliefs (which comes from our early experiences and forms the opinions we have of ourselves and our rules for living) and what will bring that stress to the surface are triggers (challenges and bad episodes in life). How we react depends a lot on our belief system.

We have what some call a bottom line in our belief system. This is the label we put on the opinion we have of ourselves (and what we think others think of us). It is not necessarily based on fact, but having formed this from our early experiences in childhood through to adulthood it has become a fact for us.

If this bottom line is negative, then this is what we base our rules of living on. These rules are our protective behaviours; so for example, if we have felt unsure about our appearance since we were we small, we may have grown up acting shy or feeling uncomfortable in the company of others.

And when something in our life happens to trigger our underlying layer of stress, we engage our rules of living, and reactivate our belief system's bottom line. If it is negative, then we are going to react negatively. This is why people react differently to the same triggers we encounter in life.

The triggers reactivate our bottom line, which releases negative thoughts. These lead to unhelpful behaviours that reaffirm the negativity we feel, causing anxiety. This confirms our bottom line, making us self-critical and angry - and the stress can bubble over our surface. In extreme cases this can lead to depression, we in turn will reactivate the negativity of the belief system's bottom line, which is the actual cause of the problem.

It is a vicious cycle, and illustrates well just how powerful thoughts are, and how dangerous errant thoughts can be. It may seem that your situation is set in stone, but you can break the cycle by changing the bottom line of your belief system to reverse the steps you took to your low point, and give you new rules for living. Click on the flowchart I've prepared for you above. Print it out and hang it somewhere visible to help you change your life.

This is rooted in the science of cognitive re-structuring. Without getting too complicated, cognitive re-structuring is learning to identify your own cycle of negative thoughts, habits and routines and replacing them with positive thoughts, habits and routines that will provide you with lifelong benefits.

Click here to change 6 negative habits.

We can't change our early experiences, but we can chip away at the way we view them, and make them more flexible in the way they affect our lives - whether it is in regard to the opinion we have of ourselves, or our decision making process in the choices we make to reach our goals. This is what my 90 day mind healing programme is designed to accomplish.

It can't be emphasised enough: It is time to consider what you really want to change in your life. Career moves? Changes in your relationships? Improvements in your physical fitness? A different sex life? Shifts in your religious orientation (resulting in more peace and spirituality)? If you are like me, just contemplating a truly desirable change is exciting, uplifting and energising. Doing something new means a new adventure to undertake, an opportunity to expand and grow outside of your comfort zone.

Free up your mind to love

We should never underestimate our thoughts. Our belief system is made up of them. Our belief system can be changed by them. And what we believe, if we think it long enough, and act on those beliefs, can be realised into "fact".

Read about how thoughts become things.

But my purpose with my post today is to remind you that the real truth that should guide your life is your emotional guidance system. Your feelings will be aligned satisfactorily when you are on your path of bliss. Conversely, you'll feel miserable or vaguely unhappy when your thoughts stray off track from what you really want.

I suggest you take notice how particular thoughts make you feel. Then follow the thoughts that make you feel happy, not the thoughts that ruin your mood. Visualise your happy place, and spend some time there in your mind. Consider how a fearful thought makes your body react with uncomfortable feelings. That discomfort is the sign of an errant thought.

A mundane example: If you think "I am going to miss my flight and ruin my day" and you experience a sick feeling, which is your body's way of signalling you are off track from reality. In truth, you will probably discover that your plane is delayed, or there may be another blessing hidden in the fact that you missed a flight.

If you can immediately think about the potential good news in this type of situation, your body reaction stops and good feelings resume. This type of shift in attitude may be problematic when you first try it. But you can train yourself to recognize your internal emotional guidance system so you can be in alignment with heavenly feelings.

Treat your positive thoughts as your guardian angels. Recognise that your angels are not worried about the world, because they know everything comes to pass with divine timing. You, too, can tap into this sense of well-being just by aligning your thoughts with the reassuring sensations of your emotional guidance system.

So, give something new a try! You will learn more about yourself and what makes you happy. get into your happy state, find your happy place, and free up your mind. Open it up to love.

It's your choice to feed on love

The first thing to realise about wellness is that it begins with a choice. For example, we need to make diet and lifestyle choices for a healthier life.

Breakfast starts the day with a clean slate, yet many tarnish the day early with poor eating habits. Cereals made from genetically modified grains. Simple carbohydrates loaded with sugar or corn syrup. Greasy bacon, ham, sausages, pancakes, toast, muffins and sticky buns that make your blood sugar go up and down like a roller coaster.

Hypoglycaemia, diabetes, nausea and pain result from our poor breakfast choices that stress the adrenal glands, weaken the immune system and induce the stress response. In this sense, a proper breakfast really is a lifeline.

For instance, I eat a stomach-nourishing breakfast of porridge, which is not only wellness-stabilising, but also medicinal when certain herbs are added to it. Food is a form of medicine, especially sources like roots, barks, fruits, seeds, flowers and tubers. Adding things like berries, strawberries, cinnamon and the such, varying these according to the seasons and to mood also gives you a breakfast of varying taste and colour, so you're never bored with what you eat.

If you eat the blood-sugar slamming foods that many of us in the West prefer for breakfast, you can expect to be besieged by all kinds of painful sensations and illness. Instead, you can choose to start your day with a natural health-boosting food that's filling and good for you. It's your choice.

Similarly, starting the day with positive thoughts is just a much a lifeline as eating a healthy breakfast (so you might want to skip the serious morning's news until lunchtime!). As a bad breakfast will have our energy crash by lunchtime, so, too, will negative thoughts take away our energy. And we need energy to stop fatigue.

Another bonus is this will boost your self confidence and power up that reversal of your belief system's negative bottom line.

Do the things that you love and keep doing them and share them with people, as you do this, whether its art, whether its music, its sharing stories, supporting people, whatever it is you love doing, keep doing it, and keep building your abilities to do it, and watch what happens: it will raise your energy, you'll feel better, you'll be happier, it will raise you vibe, you'll get positive feedback and that will build your confidence - and ultimately change your life to get you on track with love.

Yours in love,