Five Steps to Your Twin Flame

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They say love only comes around once, but that's not true. Your twin flame only comes around once, but love will come to us many times, and in many guises, sometimes in the form of a soulmate.

Click here for the difference between a soulmate and twin flame.

Not all relationships are meant to last forever, even when you're in love. Some love stories are short stories, but they are love stories all the same. All will be learning curves, and rehearsals for those who will be lucky enough to eventually end up with their twin flame in their lifetime, but all steps there will be special nevertheless. Sometimes the first step is just as memorable as the last.

It's for this reason that sometimes we can get confused whether the guy or gal we're with is actually our twin flame or not. Most of us are born with this inherent need to search, to walk the world thinking: There’s got to be someone for me. It’s not too much to ask. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone.

In response to those of us in this situation, I give five indicators that help point the way to our twin flame below, but remember these are for guidance purposes only. You will have to custom fit them to your own individual situation. However, the main principles stand, so for true love enlightenment, read on:

1. Just because you have problems in your relationship, this doesn't mean he/she is not your twin flame. In fact, one of the main indicators of love is that you love someone, despite all the problems you face. No relationship is perfect, ever. I have problems with my twin flame now and again. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater. The important thing you must ask yourself is this: Is the love we have for each other bigger than our small differences? That's the key. It's like a big pie chart, and the love in a relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love in a normal relationship can make up for a lot, love in a twin flame relationship makes up for everything.
2. Just because a relationship has ended this doesn't mean it wasn't your twin flame. This is a difficult one, and some "twin flame purists" will not agree with me, as they believe that when you meet your twin flame all obstacles should immediately lift, because if you were meant to be together, then you will be. However, we are living in an age of great change and confusion, and nothing is ever that easy. The person we love might be our twin flame, but that doesn't mean our relationship will be handed to us on a plate.

   Be warned that the love for your twin flame never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness. And the worse thing is to kill off a story halfway because of the commitments and problems suffered from other relationships, where we haven't taken the lessons learned, but just remembered the hurt instead. One indicator if we have done this is, when something is really over, we feel it, but when we end it with our twin flame, we know it will never be over, because true love stories never have endings. It will just be that we won't be able to see it to the end, because we were afraid to risk all. And if you have that one guy or girl in your life that you passed on, or the relationship ended, but that you could never forget, then it is a strong sign that you've had your time with your twin flame in this lifetime.

3. Just because he/she is your twin flame, reading each other's minds can take time. So be open with each other! Sigmund Freud called human beings funny. We long to be with the person we love, but refuse to admit it openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worse, returned. If the natural hesitation you feel is stronger than the pull of attraction you feel, then it is likely he/she is not your twin flame. However, this doesn't mean that we will immediately have a telepathic link to our twin flame, either. Make no mistake, the link will be there, but we aren't all taught to be intuitive in that way. For some of us, it will take time to discover that link with your twin flame - but that is half the fun!

   Freud also said the one thing about human beings which puzzled him the most was our conscious effort to be connected with the object of our affection even if it means running the risk of killing ourselves slowly from within. If that concious effort is stronger than you've ever felt it before, and it's reciprocated, then there's a 90% chance you've found your twin flame. And don't worry about "killing yourself" for love, because your twin flame's love will not harm you, it will resurrect you, and set you free if you let it. As in the words of Maya Angelou:

   “Love costs all we are
   and will ever be.
   Yet it is only love
   which sets us free.”

4. Just because you haven't found your twin flame, don't lose faith. Again, I hate to bring reality into this, but a love relationship is hard work, whether it's with a twin flame, a soul mate, or (simply?) a friendship with benefits. Love in all its forms means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love. The Dalai Lama is once quoted to have said that we should take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk, and this is very true.

   This also means that we won't find our twin flame by just waiting for the fates to place him/her into our laps. Having faith is not just about believing in destiny, but believing in yourself, and we need to take part in "the one true language of the universe" as Paulo Coehlo described it, if it is to speak back to us. Let us not forget that love is the pure language of the world. A language without words that we learn instinctively. It requires no explanation, just as the universe needs none as it travels through endless time. But it does require faith, and action, and the courage to take a risk. Because love comes to those who still hope although they've been disappointed, to those who still believe although they've been betrayed, to those who still love although they've been hurt before. So, keep the faith, or you run the real risk of losing your twin flame once you've found him/her (remember point 2!).

5. Just because you're sexually attracted to someone this doesn't mean they are automatically your twin flame, or vice versa. Don't get me wrong, sex is important. It is one of the ways we speak to one another; we connect and can even heal each other on a physical level through sexual intercourse. But for twin flames, love begins in the mind, and in the soul, it is not so superficial as to be only skin deep. For that reason when we first encounter our twin flame, we are attracted to their eyes, because it is a gateway to the soul. Each soul looks upon the other, and will recognise their other half, as if to say Oh, there you are, I've been looking for you, and will want to come together to become a whole.

   Click here for 5 secret tantric tips for twin flames.

   Sex is one of the (very enjoyable) ways we do that, but there are a myriad of other ways of connecting with your twin flame. Sometimes a single touch is enough, sometimes making love three times a day is never enough.

Yours in love,

Twin Flames Are Made of Love

Click here to attract your own twin flame NOW!

One of the most asked questions regarding finding our twin flame is, how will I recognise him or her?

Real love is identifiable by the way it makes us feel. Love should feel good. There is a peaceful quality to an authentic experience of love that penetrates to our core, touching a part of ourselves that has always been there.

True love activates this inner being, filling us with warmth and light. An authentic experience of love does not ask us to look a certain way, drive a certain car, or have a certain job. It takes us as we are, no changes required.

When people truly love us, their love for us awakens our love for ourselves. They remind us that what we seek outside of ourselves is a mirror image of the lover within. In this way, true love never makes us feel needy or lacking or anxious. Instead, true love empowers us with its implicit message that we are, always have been, and always will be, made of love.

In fact when we are with our twin flame, we become the act of loving, we don't just make love. When you are in their embrace, we become the embrace. We become the kiss. We forget ourselves so totally that we can say, "I am no more. Only love exists."

And we understand that it's not our hearts that beat, or our blood that circulates, or our eyes that see, or our hands that touch, it's love that does it all.

When you share such intimacy with your twin flame, love suddenly changes your dimension. Your physical connection becomes spiritual, and you are thrown out of the captivity of time to stare at something eternal.

There are times I stare at my twin flame and I can't shake the feeling that I knew him a long, long time ago, and I shall know him again in times to come. And that when we are both gone to a place among the stars beyond our earthly understanding, we will remember each other, and we shall meet again.

This is how we become love and enter everlasting life with our twin flame. Love can become a deep meditation, the deepest possible. Lovers have known sometimes what saints have not known. That life after death lies not only in the One Love, but in the one you love.

Yours in love,

Take Love Nightly

Have you ever noticed the time stamps on my posts? Some will be clocked in the early hours of the morning, well before dawn has blinked an eye. The reason is simple: I have been a night person as long as I can remember, and I do my best work at night.

A BBC News article on 10 strange things that people do at night naturally caught my attention, interested as I was to read how fellow night owls spent their time outside the sunlight hours.

Vital reading for fellow night-lovers, the BBC report was inspired by another BBC article on the myth of the 8-hour sleep, and how centuries ago it was the norm to divide sleep into two segments. Historical documents suggest that doctors would even advise married couples to have sex before their "second sleep" as the best time to conceive, because they would be less tired than making love just before going to bed.

The medicine of night

Every individual will spend their segmented sleep time differently, as the BBC report shows. I especially enjoyed reading about the guy who prefers to stay in bed during his waking break and look forward to his dreams. I also find that it's the perfect time to think and be alone with my thoughts, whether it's about the day ahead, or planning the next instalment in my twin flame series. It provides a health benefit, too, as a form of self-meditation - you can use those quiet moments to iron out any stressful issues that modern living is bound to throw up.

And it's also an added health boost if my twin flame wakes up during this time and wants some extra loving. It's become a kind of ritual between us, secret moments snatched before the daylight hours wake us up to the rest of the world. My twin flame describes it as his night medicine, with enough sugar to help him go down :)

Take love nightly... but not lightly

Continuing on the theme of sex and segmented sleep (and the results from both!), firstly a separate BBC report shows that studies suggest sleep improves with age, rather than the opposite. I believe the same is true of lovemaking as well; it definitely improves with experience, and like other myths about ageing, as long as you respect your body, age need not be a barrier to keeping yourself youthful.

Underlining ageing (or rather growing up) is the last BBC report in my post, which highlights a rising trend in the V.I.K - the Very Important Kid.

Published in an article headlined as kidding around in hotels, it shows that luxury hotel chains have woken up to the fast-growing the kiddie market. It has gained importance enough that now in the style of V.I.P services, hotels are offering under-16s the V.I.K treatment. These are individualised programmes, where the children of those parents rich enough to afford it can spend the night at a top class hotel with access to the hotel's Teen Concierge to get them whatever they want.

Personally, I find this article a little disconcerting. I can understand parents who live such a lifestyle would want to share it with their children, but are their kids really getting to know the people their parents are? Is this what is meant by quality family time - to train children that adults are at their beck and call? It seems a somewhat shallow display of affection to me, because the most important thing a child needs to know is not that he or she is pampered, but that he or she is loved.

And yours in love,

The Strength in Love

“Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.”
— Eric Fromm

Love can be strong. It can be full on, energetic and powerful, and yet still retain that gentle spirit within. And it's expressed and explored differently by millions around the world, while still shining with the same strong light.

My friend's call me the "Love Coach" and it's usually because I just get so impassioned about love, that I want everyone to know its joy.

I can already hear the naysayers among you: Yeah. Right. Easier said than done. Who are you to tell me what love is?

And I don't blame you.

We live in an opinionated world. We live in a world that seems like hell in a hand-basket. Let's face it. This world is crashing and burning around us. Our world is dying and there's nothing any of us can do to stop it. But while most of us are wrapped up in world hunger, global pollution and the impending threat of nuclear devastation, there are some that would argue the opposite - that the world is actually getting better. I am one of those people.

Call me sentimental, but I base my belief firmly in love. There is no dark so powerful that a single candle flame can't chase away. But what should it matter to me what you think about love, or if you have an abundance of it in your lives?

Does it matter to anyone but you? Well, it could, couldn't it? It may matter to your circle of influence because of the way that you relate with your world. But beyond that, what others do, and whether it's something you have done, would never do or would or would not recommend, is simply none of our business.

And if you ever notice yourself judging others about things that have nothing to do with you, just adapt that phrase and turn it around - because what you think of me is none of my business, either. But what you think about love is. It's the business of everyone that shares this planet with us. Because we can only spread love by being loving and accepting, and if we don't spread our light, then we'll all be in the dark. And we start by spreading the love on ourselves. Love begins in the home of the heart, because love is a reflection of the heart - it reflects what you are and what you desire most.

Find strength in love to chase the dark away

Try this: When you're next in a situation when you feel any kind of defensiveness or undue anger about something, just sit with that for a moment. Pause and see whether the next thoughts and conversations are trying to placate your ego or whether you're able to love or be at peace with things as they are. This will bring the wisdom to know if we can change things, or if we need to accept them as they are for that moment. It might be that things are not really as bad as they first seemed.

“The tiniest flame can chase the dark”

After all, in our lives we should really be trying to see things as they really are, not what we would hope them to be, or to be judged by others for what we do. For instance, when life presents you with a difficult choice, don't see it as an obstacle, but as a challenge. The tiniest candle flame can chase away the dark. If you're put in a hole, give it everything you've got to dig yourself out, but understand that it doesn't matter if you reach the top.

Just don't lose that fire, that never back down attitude that shows you're living every moment to the fullest - even down in that hole. Because you will dig yourself out. And do it with a smile, do it with love - that essential balance of gentleness and strength that we all carry the potential of within ourselves.

Remember that every second, every breath is important, so don't waste a single one by not believing in love or yourself. If you want something bad enough, go out and try to make it happen! The attempt will make you stronger than if you never tried. Because there is no yesterday you can do over again, and there is no tomorrow that comes with a guarantee. Today is all we've got, and do we really want to waste it out from the light of love, and in the dark?

I know, thanks to the hardships we endure in life, that this is a lesson which is hard to learn - but it's not how quickly the lesson is learned, but that it is learned at all. And once you've discovered the power of love, use it, share it. For love is unlike any other commodity, it does not lessen when you share it out, it expands.

So grab a hold of love to give you the strength you need through your dark days and to get out there! Do what's right for you. Be true to who you are, enjoy your life and witness the joy of others choosing their own path and know that it's all good!

Yours in love,