“We are walked on to this bridge of life, and find ourselves too readily across the other side before we even have a chance to appreciate the beauty we have seen. If life is a play, then many of us will feel we have come to the final curtain of the last act without understanding a thing. But is life just a blast of fury signifying nothing? Are we just spirits that melt into thin air?”
— Mickie Kent
If you are a passionate Shakespearian as I am, you may indeed look into his plays for a few of the questions that have been asked of life over the recorded centuries of our existence. One of the great contemplations of death and mortality can be found in Hamlet, when the Prince of Denmark comes across the open grave of his old court jester Yorick.
Hamlet reflects on the ridiculousness of being alive, picking up Yorick's skull to remark to his friend Horatio that he had known Yorick as a child, had sat on his lap and watched him make the entire room laugh. He asks where those jokes are, and where that man is now. From living beings, once our essence flies its nest, our bodies become a symbol of death - given to science or the soil to decompose out of sight.
So, then, why is it that many of us seem so preoccupied with the physical part of us - which is destined to rot away and return to the cycle of life which turns the planet - by wasting precious time trying to make it as pretty or as young looking as possible? Defying age and time is seemingly hopeless. It's a futile attempt at fighting a losing battle.
Keeping ourselves healthy is a different matter. That is about respecting the bodies we have been given; it's about providing ourselves with a quality of life for the amount of time we do have on Earth. When we enjoy mental, physical and emotional well-being, we are more likely to walk across this bridge of life in appreciation, gratitude and conciliation - rather than fear and bitter resentment.
It stands to reason that the less you furrow your brow, the less wrinkled you'll be! Feeling and looking younger than our years, maintaining our virility and strength for longer are just natural by-products of the main goal of bringing love to your body. Whether we choose yoga for a stronger foundation, or just change a few "bad" habits (even by simply thinking more positively) we'll soon notice the difference in our lives. Studies show that it's incredibly easy to manipulate the perception of our own bodies by the brain, and using gradual step-by-step sequences can provide long lasting change for the better. Scientists now believe that using such methods may cure many of us of our allergies, for example.
In a very real way, some argue that working for our health means working for the common good, because it's only spiritually healthy people that can contribute meaningfully to the community they share. When we make it our purpose to understand our own feelings, to raise our instincts to the heights of loving consciousness and make them transparent, to extend the wires of love's will to touch our darker side and thereby raise our self to a new plane, will we feel fit within ourselves to work tirelessly to bring the value we experience to others. Yet, to do that, we need to be healthy in mind, body and spirit.
We all need to find our own ways to reap the abundance of the universe from what we sow in our soul. For some of us this may immediately make sense, but for others this requires a great change in thinking, as it goes against many ingrained conventions we have been trained to follow. Although an open mind is always the first requisite to learn, in times past we have labelled free thinking
as dangerous and degenerate.
Centuries ago we used to believe free-thinking was dirty or "libertine" - a sin against God - but narrow-mindedness is the true sin against life, because it blocks us from being able to visualise what we can't see with the eyes alone. Scientific theorems are sparks from the minds of great thinkers, and the scientific method is the observable way to prove or disprove them. Experimentation in the pursuit of knowledge, testing our limits for greater understanding is arguably what has helped humanity reach eras of enlightenment.
You would think being progressive would be something we all want to attain, and yet out of fear, there are many groups that would drag us back into the dark caves of the mind. It's difficult to believe that in the 21st Century we still read reports of nations gripped by religious dogma, but it's true. To some it may seem extraordinary, but in Mexico priests say the country is under attack by Satan, and that more exorcists are needed to fight him. Meanwhile the imaginary idea remains that devil-worshippers mark a Satanic New Year on the 1st of February, we have all-American teen girls from Arizona performing exorcisms on live television, and even a United States police captain says he believed the story about a woman who claimed her children were possessed by demons.
It reads like reports from the Dark Ages. Is this really where we still remain at this stage of our evolution? Frightened cave dwellers throwing rocks at the Moon? This isn't about ridiculing outmoded beliefs, it's about ridiculing fear - which forces us to further the ongoing denial of rights to those in need. Otherwise, why do we continue the struggle if we are to end anyway? Although life has been called "a beautiful lie" and death described as "the painful truth", it's about refusing to fear death. It's about loving to live, and thus giving purpose to the mortality of our brief existence in the pursuit of a higher one.
However, while physical immortality, like the search for eternal youth, seems a project destined to failure, some do see death as a disease, and believe there is a cure to be found. Always looking at the natural world for inspiration, a few adherents to this view cite a handful of bizarre animals that appear to defy the normal ageing process. Lobsters are well-known for this, often described as "biologically immortal". While the passing years often bring arthritis, muscle loss, memory problems and illness to humans, lobsters seem to be immune to the ravages of time. Rather than getting weaker and more vulnerable over the years, they become stronger and more fertile each time they shed their shells.
Nevertheless, although such animals may not deteriorate with age, other scientists are quick to point out that they do die - just not as a result of their own cells it seems. As for humans, along with most species on the planet, there are many reasons why we deteriorate with age. Mutations in DNA and the battering that our 100 trillion cells take every day contribute to the slow, inevitable decline.
But scientists have discovered that our cells also have a built-in fixed lifespan, and with evidence growing that training the mind or inducing certain modes of consciousness can have positive health effects, researchers have sought to understand how mindful meditation practices physically affect the body. They offer a "cure" in the sense that with practice we may be able to alter the lifespan of our cells with our minds.
Can immortality ever be achieved?
Others have put forward the notion that life does not end when the body dies, and it can last forever. They point to the structure of the universe itself, and that the laws, forces, and constants of the universe appear to be fine-tuned for life, implying intelligence existed prior to matter. They also claim that space and time are not objects or things, but rather tools of our animal understanding. We carry space and time around with us "like turtles with shells", meaning that when the shell comes off (space and time), we still exist.
One thing we can all agree in, though, is that death does not discriminate between rich and poor, dictator and downtrodden, or east and west. We are all made from organic chemical compounds that are the basis of all life and which are subject to entropy. Thus, death is a part of the nature of existence - which many of its secrets are still locked away from us. So, in a world of unknowns, you have to live in the moment you are alive. We're alive, so we might as well live it - and live it well. Whether it is by luck, random chance or a script penned by the Fates, we are here. So, why not make the best of it, and enjoy the time we have?
If we did any less, it would be a waste, but more than that, our species would not have progressed very far from their first caves. Thankfully, we are too inquisitive not to want to know, despite the danger to our existence. Our insatiable curiosity is a common ground we share. It's in our nature to explore the outer limits placed upon us, and there is possibly no more dangerous environment than for those working in outer space.
Living among the stars
Living in an aluminium bubble like a space station, for instance, where every thump or crack of a meteor or space debris that hits the walls is likely to serve as a reminder of your tenuous situation, astronauts have learnt it's better to focus on the reality at hand. You can't let the fear of the situation dominate you; for them it was better to be mindful of the amazing experience of being in space instead.
When we hear of astronauts speak of the experience of being in space, they all seem to agree that it changes them. It changes their view of the Earth and themselves. And while some have had a sudden epiphany or a huge change in direction in life, many more have experienced a more subtle - yet probably just as fundamental - shift in the way they view the world than those first that went before them.
One such example is Chris Austin Hadfield, a retired Canadian astronaut who was the first Canadian to walk in space. He joined TV presenters Dara O Briain and Professor Brian Cox on their BBC programme Stargazing LIVE recently, to celebrate the night sky and talk about his experiences in space.
Hadfield spent about six months in total over three space flights, and when he speaks you get a sense of oneness - that we are all in this together - a perspective which he did his best to share in the photographs he distributed through the social media. Watching him talk on the BBC show, it was evident this also had a profound effect on his own views. On that programme, he said:
I think what it did fundamentally was broaden my own horizons of the world. What I would view growing up as "us and them", when you go around the world thousands of times, that line where "them" begins recedes further and further away, until eventually the whole thing becomes just "us".
But you don't have to travel as far as Hadfield to see there is truth in what he says. French writer Simone de Beauvoir believed that our life had value so long as we attributed value to the life of others, by means of love, friendship and compassion. We should, however, see value in not only our life-form, but in all living things. And as converse as it may seem, the mortality of life adds value to it. It's all the more precious, because it's finite in its working parts, and yet paradoxically infinite as a whole.
As such, death is a process of life that brings balance to nature's cycle, but when we ask, "What is death?" we are probably asking the most difficult of all questions. Some see it as a changing from a destructible form into a forever unchanging form. They believe that the purpose of the entire universe is to then maintain that form in an Earth-like garden, which will then give delight and pleasure through all eternity. On the other hand there are those who hold to the idea of our blinking into nothingness, with all of our experiences and hopes and dreams merely a delusion.
Considering the marvellous complexity of the universe, its cog-work perfection, its balances of this against that, matter, energy, gravity, time, dimension and the like, I believe that our existence must be more than either of these philosophies. That what we are goes beyond practical measuring systems, and that our existence is part of a reality beyond what we understand now as reality. And we really only understand who we are in the face of death, or how we face death, itself.
When we look at our "reality", today, it's amazing we have survived, at all. When it comes to human nature, we're too ready to entertain our darkest imaginings, even if we don't quite believe them ourselves. We seem to find no tranquillity in anything. We struggle against the inevitable. We thrive on conflict. We are too aggressive, hostile and militant. We are selfish, and yet value loyalty. We are rash, quick to judge but slow to change. Humanity, on the face of it, is a story filled with contradictions.
Nevertheless, even though on paper we might not work, more often than not we work when it matters. What we read rarely chimes with real life. There is evidence that compassion is a natural human predisposition, and that war is not an innate part of our character, after all. There are theories that believe our warmongering, inhumane and selfish ways have been educated into us, and that we have become far removed from our authentic selves.
Traditional education is often believed to have compounded this. Considered as the foundation for creating a well rounded and productive society, instead of producing creative and compassionate people however, the current style of competitive education either creates outcast rebels or more submissive, obedient and trained graduates. In this way, the current system is always maintained, some say.
And what helps to maintain any current system is ingrained habits. We never seem to question whether these habits are "bad" or "good" for us, because performing out of habit is easy to do. Our brain switches on to auto-drive and we are no longer aware of our actions (or the consequences of them). It can be done without thinking, like driving your car, in a sort of "micro-sleep". This is when we need to try something different to wake us up. Drive down a new route. Do things a little differently.
Of course this is easier said then done. The science says you can't simply create a new habit in the short term - say in a month. According to psychologists at University College London, their research suggested that it was more like 66 days. Whatever the time frame, though, it's certain that we need to identify what is no longer serving us and change these habits for the long term. The fact of it is that unless we destroy our bad habits, they will end up destroying us.
Break the bad habits of a past lifetime
Change isn't for tomorrow. It's for today. We need to educate ourselves and our children to break out of the hardened shell of habitual negativity. This goes beyond esoteric questions of life and death. It's a necessity for pragmatic reasons. Even if we go back to our old ways, we go back having learnt from the experience. We go back a little wiser. So the next time we try, we'll be stronger. And we don't need to frighten ourselves off with huge changes to our lifestyles.
Gradual change is better for many, even if not for all. Find something you can manage, and do it all the time. Take the drama out of it. Most of us discover that we can manage semi-avoidance at first, where we begin to train ourselves to see healthy habits as less painful than negative ones. A fancy term for this is "neuro-associative conditioning" (NAC). It's a human behavioural science founded by Anthony Robbins on the basis of neuro linguistic programming (NLP) where with NAC you are reprogramming your brain to attach "pain" to bad habits and "pleasure" to healthy ones. So, practice healthy habits a little at a time. If for nothing else, then because the science says it'll help you live longer.
Even small changes will eventually have a great impact on our lives. When scientists warn that certain types of mouthwash increase the risk of heart attacks and stroke and are a "disaster" for health, simply changing the mouthwash you use is a start. If energy prices are making it difficult to heat your home, looking for innovative ways to keep warm can also open up other avenues. Having the central heating on may be contributing to our ballooning waistlines, Dutch researchers suggest, so using these systems less may help us shed some weight as well as save money and energy.
It could also force us to be more active around the house, or get out of the house more and into the gym or the sports field. Football participation is considered a good way to get men and women to slim down, but getting out into the fresh air and sunlight, whatever the weather, is believed to be necessary for a healthy mind and body.
Yoga, too, is a good habit to practice. It can help you learn to love and accept yourself, but only if you embrace the true meaning of the practice. It's more than just a series of difficult poses and stretches. Yoga can help you learn to love your body, and thus your life. Loving your life will also accelarate your spiritual evolution.
Click here to change 6 negative habits.
Healthy habits will make for a healthy life, and will help to manifest all amounts of goodness as the by-product of a well-lived life. For instance, research shows that eating lots of fruit and vegetables gives people a golden glow that makes them look more attractive to prospective partners. But it's not just what you eat that makes you beautiful, but what you do.
I honestly believe that there is no such thing as ugly people, only ugly behaviour. We are too quick to kindle our tempers, and to be discourteous, when a kind word - which costs nothing - may make all the difference. The emergence of trolling, Facebook bullies and "Twitter storms" in social media outlets is a prime example, while many researchers are likening social media models to infectious diseases.
But storms can be as cleansing as they are destructive, depending on circumstances. The real disease is the infection of acting out of synch with common sense, good judgement and our authentic self. Tweet unto others as you would have them tweet unto you, is a good adage here - although it requires a requisite amount of empathy. Nevertheless, the technology that has made us less empathic, may also be used to enhance human empathy.
One innovative idea aimed at nurturing empathy is said to help you see the world through your partner's eyes. That's the concept behind BeAnotherLab's Gender Swap experiment that uses Oculus Rift headsets to let wearers experience how other people see the world. Each partner wears the head-mounted displays, and by synchronising their respective movements, they can virtually feel and see the other person's body through their own eyes - in effect swapping bodies between genders.
It seems like the stuff of science fiction, but with technology out there that may even one day influence our sleep induced dreams, fantasy can fast become fact. Outside of our dreams, another innovative project aimed at partners is called Pillow Talk, aiming to connect long-distance lovers. Each person has a pillow for their bed and a ring sensor that they wear when they sleep at night. The sensor wirelessly communicates with the other person's pillow; when one person goes to bed, their lover's pillow begins to glow softly to indicate their presence. Placing your head on the pillow allows you to hear the real-time heartbeat of your loved one. The result is an intimate interaction between two lovers, regardless of the distance between them.
Such tools can be used to promote intimacy, empathy or increase understanding of differences. These are good habits to have, but we have these core values inside us already, without necessitating a heavy reliance on technology. There are plenty of human stories out there that show us values of compassion and community have no age, and compassion has no limits and community has no boundaries. There are many stories of inspiration around the world from which we can take hope.
Towards this aim, all we have to do is look around us and we will see people with their own special needs living their life to the best of their abilities, wise mothers teaching their children how to use social media responsibly, thoughtful fathers planning how to best bring joy into the lives of their loved ones. Do you remember
the inspirational tale of young Luke Rowles and the fox he rescued from the hands of a gang? His act of selflessness became the spark
to help many more disadvantaged animals in his community. His story is just one out of thousands being lived out every day.
Sportsmanship, too, is a quality worth sticking up for, even if some fringes of sport fans aren't inspired to do the same. On YouTube, along with so many clips of taunting and exulting and athletes making the choke sign, you can find footage of moments of pure sportsmanship - penalties wrongly rewarded, and then deliberately missed, wrestlers stopping in mid choke-hold to assist an opponent, bitter old foes embracing at the end of the game.
It is an attitude we need for all occasions. Doing good can make you feel good, but there is a lot in modern life to make us feel so bad, we feel we don't want to do good, either. Whether you're worrying about looming deadlines, job insecurity, traffic jams, or a troubled relationship, such stresses takes it toll on your body, breath, and mind. It disrupts our inner harmony, and can affect us even on a subtle level.
Some days you wake up with the energy of a tiger, ready to take on the world. And then on other days, you feel as though someone has poured concrete into your shoes, you feel absolutely sluggish and negative about the entire day. We have all been here at some point of time or other. Some people go through these ups and down more often than others, even if the stresses seem the same. But how do you wake up and go through the day happy, every day?
The Dalai Lama is attributed as saying that happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions. If this is true, then the secret is that happiness is a practice; the more you practice, the easier it comes to you. Based on this principle, more than anything, happiness is a choice we make, not something that dawns upon us. If you wake up with a decision to be happy, nothing can bring you down. It's a mindset you train and nurture.
It's often heard said that life is a synonym for test - it will always test you and push you. Whether you can make the best lemon sherbet out of the lemons life throws at you is something you have to decide on. Therefore another good habit to nurture is the practice of happiness. But if faith is the substance of things hoped for, then it seems that presently we have lost faith in happiness - so we no longer hope for it.
Put your faith in happiness
Today, although we seem to have little or no faith in happiness, we're still keen to hear about what we can do to make us happy. From health to wealth, enjoying your job, spending time with your family or socialising with friends there are so many things that we have as an opportunity to enjoy life. Then why do these important areas of our life stack up in the misery stakes? The missing key could be that we need to inject purpose, value and happiness (
a.k.a "passion") into these aspects of our daily living to truly feel
as though we are living out our destiny.
Simply put, we need to feed the soul, as much as we need to feed the body and mind. Some adhere to the view that our soul has distinct desires, which are inherent aspects of our soul, used for the purpose of fulfilling its unique potential. It's believed that learning to honour these desires allows us to thrive at every level and leads us to a complete and balanced life. This equates not only with happiness, but with an abundance that many of us often fail to manifest into our lives.
Read about the philosophy of happiness.
For instance, according to psychologists the feeling of loneliness isn't when everyone ignores you, but when a special someone ignores you. If we have a special person in our life, even if we are living in isolation, if we truly care about that person then they are enough to stem any feelings of loneliness isolation typically brings. A survey for the BBC suggests as many as half of all England's adults have experienced feelings of loneliness, and if the psychologists are right, then the problem of lonely people does not just stem from their physical isolation.
I often reiterate that loneliness is a state of soul and mind. If you are in the right frame set, you can be single and completely isolated and yet insulated from feeling lonely if you are happy within yourself. Indeed, there are people who cherish such "special times" to be by themselves and re-energise. Naturally, however, at heart humans are sociable creatures, and we thrive best in communities where we can effectively communicate.
This is cited as a major reason why video did not kill the radio star. Down the years plenty of technologies have looked set to kill off radio: talking pictures, television, the cassette tape, the CD, the iPod. Today in our hyper-connected world it's streaming music services like Spotify - and yet radio still thrives. In 2011, radio listeners in the United Kingdom listened to 23 hours of radio each week, with 198 community radio stations currently on air. It's thought because people want to be connected with other people, they want to be part of a tribe, they want to be accepted and that's what radio brings. It has a connection with the audience.
Join the tribe of humanity.
If you want to have a connection with happiness, therefore, be one of the tribe of happy people, and try and persuade others around you to join up. Build your own support group. Or if you find that you love the people who make you cry more than those who make you laugh, realise that has to change.
Happiness can also be
a map into our innermost feelings. For example, when we are happy and suddenly feel unhappiness (as if for no good reason) it can be a signal that subconsciously our soul is missing someone. If you are completely disconnected from self, your soul could be trying to tell you that
it misses YOU. And thus, it won't matter what opportunities for happiness arise, they will all end up on the toxic dump of regret.
It seems, then, that whether it's our very own self, or someone else, or the things we do in life - for them to bring us value and purpose - we need to love them, or more specifically, BRING love to them. Only then will we be successful in capturing in some measure the idealised happiness which seems to elude a lot of us.
So, you can stop reading if you've read this all before, but with this in mind, there is some powerful techniques that we can use to become friends with happiness, and thus in turn use it as a tool to power up our love for life.
How to be happy in your every moment
The first suggestion comes from the classic self-help book, The Magic of Believing, written in 1948 by Claude Bristol. It's called the mirror technique. In short, you stand before a mirror big enough to see your face and body, stare into your eyes, and then speak out loud about what you want to have, do, or be. You give yourself the pep talk of all time. You reprogramme your mind with your voice and your own authority.
Some people like to upgrade this by staring into the mirror while playing their favourite rousing music, or even making a recording of their own voice with positive affirmations and feel good self-talk. You can use whatever music makes your heart sing and your feet dance, and whatever quotes inspire you. When you first look into the mirror, you may cringe or feel weak, but if you stick with it, and truly command yourself, you can transform your mind to be a conduit for the better things in life.
Is trying too hard to be happy making you sad?
The theory goes that in that state, the "you" that is tied to a past and a future, the negative personality if you like, is hardly there any more. And yet nothing of value is lost. You are still essentially yourself. In fact, you are more fully yourself than you ever were before, or rather it is only now that you are truly yourself - because you are communicating more effectively with your true nature. It feeds into Eckhart Tolle's book The Power of Now, where it's suggested to experience total freedom from limiting beliefs you have to feel the power of the moment you're in now.
Being able to feel your presence like this, brings a kind of fullness of being. This helps us work out what really makes us happy, and to pursue those passions relevant to our own unique being. Talking to yourself in the mirror, rehearsing life as it were, is a technique with many testimonials as to its effectiveness.
The reasoning is that if thought processes are creating guilt, pride, resentment, anger, regret, or self-pity, then you're not only reinforcing a false sense of self, but also helping to accelerate your body's ageing process by creating an accumulation of past in your psyche. You can verify this for yourself by observing those around you who have a strong tendency to hold on to the past. These people are so busy getting to the future that the present is reduced to a means of getting there.
Get on track with love.
Stress is caused by being "here", but wanting to be "there", or being in the present but wanting to be in the future. It's a split that tears you apart inside. We should not want to be anywhere but NOW, and be happy in it. But if you find the past takes up a great deal of your attention, and you frequently talk and think about it, either positively or negatively, then you are putting your own chance at happiness at stake.
The great things that you have achieved, your adventures or experiences, or your victim story and the dreadful things that were done to you, or maybe what you did to someone else, are all things that can encroach into your present and steal your NOW. Unless you get clean of it, unchecked it sucks the lifeblood from your life's veins. However, Tolle suggests you can stop this health and life-corroding insanity simply by acknowledging the present moment.
According to Tolle, we do this by anchoring ourselves in the now with mindful breathing and meditation, and by only referring to the past when absolutely necessary. We need to process and be at peace with our past, but it needs to reinterpreted through the filtration of the present moment, where it helps us to realise it no longer holds any power over us. If our happiness is not subject to it, then we can change our mindset from one of "waiting" for happiness and abundance in some unknown future, into one that drives us to find happiness in every second of every moment we remain aware of being alive.
As Tolle puts it, you can always cope with the Now, but you can never cope with the future - nor do you have to. The answer, the strength, the right action, or the resource will be there when you need it, not before, not after. So you can look into the mirror and speak these truths, and in effect hypnotise yourself to feel the power of your own thoughts. The key is to access the power of Now, which is none other than the power of your presence, your consciousness liberated from thought forms.
So we need to deal with the past on the level of the present. Tolle's theory is that the more attention you give to the past, the more you energise it, and the more likely you are to make a "self" out of it. The focus here is to give attention to the present, to your behaviour, to your reactions, moods, thoughts, emotions, fears, and desires as they occur in the present.
The past is in all of us, but if we can be aware enough to watch all those things, not critically or analytically but without judgement, then we are dealing with the past and dissolving it through the power of your presence. It frees us up to be truly happy, because Tolle asserts that you cannot find yourself by going into the past. You find yourself by coming into the present. This is what Earl Nightingale - considered one of the most prominent motivational speakers and authors of all time - would have called part of his secret - that we become what we think about.
Is sadness genetic?
So, when you see yourself analysing or negatively judging what you observe in yourself, whether it's a thought, emotion, or attitude, step back into the observer; observe but don't judge. Remember to make every disturbing element the object of your observation, and to anchor yourself in the present. Don't emotionally relive painful experiences, but view them from a more detracted, divine perspective.
Consequently, the effect of these techniques is about changing your self-image. The mirror technique doubles as a "daily declaration" of your desires, and the super suggestion method, where you place yourself in a suggestive frame of mind before you start your positive self-talk, is really the upgraded form of the mirror technique.
And by changing how you think about yourself, you'll change how you feel about yourself, and unblock the restrictions you've subconsciously been placing in the way of your own happiness.
Be happy to feel love, feel love to be happy
When we think about about the things that make us happy in life, it goes without saying that at the top of the list will be our health and well-being, and that of loved ones. For some, happiness doesn't get more specific than that, and I have to confess I'm one of them. I've never been materialistic, and I am lucky to have a general mindset of being happy with one's lot.
I try to find happiness in even the smallest of things, because the sort of things that can prevent people generally being happy in my opinion are very high expectations. So, as a general rule, I try not to have any. I prefer to have goals, and just to let life surprise me on the expectation front. After all, who said life was meant to be fair? Yet, we somehow have an overly high expectation that it should be fair, and - if not to anyone else - then most certainly to us.
In my life, I tend to shy away from labelling things as "unfair"; I find that enjoying the company of my loved ones, eating well that day, and having mind-blowing sex with my twin flame is as "fair" as life should get - because there are many of us out there not lucky enough to have even that.
Life is beautiful with love.
I'm always mindful to count my blessings. The way I normally resolve cutting my expectations down to size is my comparing my life to those less well off, and basically not to worry too much about things. Keeping a calm mindset in a crisis is better than needlessly worrying over it. That generally just adds to the woe.
Of course, there will be times when things can get too much even for the most calmest mind, but in my family we're a team - we pick each other up when necessary. Point being, we have a weekly "dance blast", where we'll allow ourselves to act silly and dance any blues away that might threaten to build up. It's a great way to de-stress, and it's good exercise, too!
Plus, I always like to get advice from the senior members of our family. My parents are filled with a wisdom which comes from experience - they have been through it all before, and it helps to give me perspective over my own crisis. But often, not allowing a crisis to get to you means half the battle is won, and if your mindset is generally trained to a happy disposition, then what is there to stop you?
How to get happy when you're sad.
So, I love to feel happy, and it's why I'm feeling very happy right now. Because life is good; I've no expectations for anything, and that being the case, none are broken. I don't expect a fair deal from anyone, and all I ask of myself is my own well-being and that of my loved ones. Issues which are in our hands, and not dependant on anyone else.
Moreover, when I started work, I purposefully chose a profession with a work ethic that would add value to my life. Thus, even when work gets stressful, it's a positive force, because I feel as though I've done something worthwhile. It's my belief that the old 20th Century ethos of working hard and playing hard makes you unhappy. Working WELL and playing WELL is what will provide our lives with value and purpose, and thus happiness.
On my outlook of the world, the best statement that describes happiness is being able to make your own choices. If you want to do something, celebrate the fact that you have the freedom
to go out and do it. If you can't do it, learn from it, and move on.
For my part, happiness allows me to be more of a focused individual who doesn't necessarily achieves things, but achieves BEING in things. Thus, circumstances that may often seem very mundane to others, can bring me great happiness. Eating a perfectly made cupcake on a moonlit night, for example, or discovering a wonderful piece of verse, or moment of song. A sunny day. A shelter in the rain. Or watching a loved one's face light up in a smile.
We often underestimate the power of a smile. It not only increases our face value, but is a powerful tip that is easy to implement in any "power techniques" you choose to use, and could possibly make a huge difference to you personally, and quite immediately, and for different reasons.
For instance, if you try the mirror technique, try doing it by smiling at yourself in the mirror. Next time you go to a yoga class, set yourself up for a observation-filled practice. At some stage (or several stages) during your class, take the time to observe yourself and smile through your poses. Allow yourself to enjoy the feeling of relaxation in your body, and the breath filling you up and fuelling your onward progress.
Remember that life doesn't have to be a serious pursuit. We don't have to employ a punishing regime to harness well-being. Your overall approach can be light and breezy regardless how motivated you are for your dreams and goals to succeed. And it goes without saying that I have my own grand plans, too. These include getting my pilot's license, learning a new language and travelling the world with my family, but these are really on the periphery of what is really important to me - a spiritually full life. The rest just adds to the fun.
It's no big secret that when you start smiling a little more, you'll discover that your body will respond favourably to a little lip curling. It's up to you to decide whether you curl your lips up or down.
Be a star when the world is dark
Now, I'm sure my outlook will come as a surprise to some - especially with the state of the world at the moment. It's a reality that while the world is in a season of changes so are we, but that doesn't need to affect the power of my mindset in Tolle's Now. Indeed, it'll help me see any upheaval as an opportunity for improvement.
If you look at the news headlines from England, I wouldn't blame you for thinking there is a lot of reasons to be pessimistic. What with the way Britain is soul-searching over its treatment of illegal workers and immigration issues, its build-up of environmental waste, and the austere times we've found ourselves in - where we've had to cut so many things - it's a reasonable assumption to make. It can seem as though we should all be depressed and fully down in the doldrums.
And even though the UK is finally getting a bit of the boom back into its economy, an austere climate still rules over here on the street - with many giant retailers being disappointed over Christmas sales. At first glance, there doesn't seem a lot to shout home about. But there us another way to look at it.
In a way, the imposed austerity is a good opportunity to return to
the real spirit of Christmas. And the true meaning of the Advent and the season (for those that celebrate it) isn't about how much you buy.
Irrelevant of what commercials tell us, consumerism doesn't make you happy. It's about providing us with many different choices and ways to express our happiness. On top of that, the recent austerity could make us healthier, too.
World Health Organisation scientists are saying that the globe is facing a "tidal wave" of obesity, and restrictions on alcohol and sugar need to be considered.
Likewise, I love to dine well, to work on making my house into a beautiful home, and I love to travel, too. But I buy into these things to express our happiness, not to make us happy. There is a difference - and that difference being that we can do without them.
If we had to do without a holiday abroad, for instance, this wouldn't make us sad as a family, indeed it would open the opportunity for us to have a British based holiday. We have many beautiful sites in England and Wales, especially in the Home Counties. Besides, my twin flame loves to camp and hike, too - so it really wouldn't make much difference to us.
However, as much as I love my country, I see most people in our beautiful England do NOT share the same view, and I sometimes wonder whether we couldn't benefit by being a bit more laid back - like our Mediterranean cousins. To enjoy life more calmly when things don't go our way. And as long as we have our well-being, I am optimistic about my future, and the future of my country - and our world - as a whole.
It's a grounded optimism. We just need to re-tune our mindset a little, and not allow worldwide events to impact on our own happiness. No one said life would be easy, and these are things we cannot control. All we can control is how we react to them, and by spreading some understanding, politeness and kindness when we are out in the street to our neighbours will, I believe, impact on the happiness of the entire country.
Tips on how to make someone happy.
Because as crises are inevitable so, too, is this: Things will get better, because they always do! So, I always start off every moment as I mean to go on, with a merry heart - and I try to reflect this in my writings. Similarly, I'm usually inundated with emails after every post, and very often I'm asked why I'm so happy to share my articles for free. They ask, what do I get back? How can I be so joyful all the time?
Well, the primary reason is that I'm really writing all this for myself. It's a way to clarify my thoughts towards my personal path of learning. It benefits me immensely, and as it benefits my life, the abundance I gain from my writing overflows to a like-minded audience of free-thinkers I'm honoured to connect with. As such, I've no problem with allowing the value it gives me to be shared with others. I don't mind sharing it for "free" because the first reader it benefits is my own self. So, the way I see it is, by the time I publish a post I've already been in paid in full. Besides which, writing makes me happy, so why not?
I always aim to feel happy - and I usually DO feel happy. And you know why? Because I don't expect anything from anyone. As mentioned already, broken expectations always hurt, and life is far too short for that kind of pain. There's too much hurt in the world already for us to add to it needlessly. So I love life, and I advise you to love yours to be happy. And keep smiling. That's life - feel it, live it, enjoy it, but most of all, love it. Because life is not your enemy, or something you have to fear.
If you're alive, that means you've been invited to the dance. Life wants to know the lift of your heel, the glide of your foot. Like a lover, in turn, it wants to see you. It wants to know your voice. To recognise you when you first come round the corner to play on the street, or for you to sense its scent when you come into a room. Life wants you to become familiar with the way it leans into your spaces to kiss you, and for you to know the joy of whispering, "more".
Say something, and watch your life respond
“Everyday I say this prayer: Allow us to keep wisdom not only on the tongue, but in the mind. To keep a smile not only on lips, but in our hearts, too. Allow us the knowledge that love is deeper than the skin when it gives life to the very soul within. To be notorious in our bravery when we destroy the shackles of a limiting reputation. Allow us to forgo the safety of comfort, and to live where we fear to live. And despite all that may happen, to never forget how to love to live.”
— Mickie Kent
Life whispers for us to enjoy it - but do we listen? Although in Britain economic recovery will probably gather momentum this year, life has seems to have become one long rummage in bargain basements. In continuing austere times such as these, rather than giving more to our communities, we're planning to cut back even more.
This change in mood has transformed the very fabric of society, killing off everything from patronage of the arts to our community spirit. Disillusioned by bureaucratic corruption and political parodies, we've become less open with each other, and less willing to help our neighbour. And if we can't get on with the people living next door to us, how will we ever get on with other nations?
With
new emerging economic giants ready to set foot on the global stage, learning to co-operate has become more essential than ever. We could also learn a thing to two. Take the Uruguayan President Jose Mujica for example, who donates about 90% of his monthly salary to charity and is sometimes called
the world's poorest president. His markedly different lifestyle than our own politicians - who lead less than austere lifestyles whilst imposing austerity on others - is something to take note.
So, too, with the late Nelson Mandela. His bank account certainly did not match his stature in the world. For all the respect he enjoyed around the globe, he was not a rich man, and it was very much in line with his character that it was revealed after his death he bequeathed funds to his staff and the schools he attended. Not surprising for a man who chose to forgive and reconcile with those who had tried to harm him.
Or how about Brazilian mechanic Alfredo Moser, the poor yet proud inventor whose invention has spread throughout the world to light homes and save energy? His invention will be in one million homes by early 2015, and while he does earn a few dollars installing them, it's obvious from his simple house and his 1974 car that his invention hasn't made him wealthy. What it has given him is a great sense of pride. He says:
It's a divine light. God gave the sun to everyone, and light is for everyone. Whoever wants it saves money. You can't get an electric shock from it, and it doesn't cost a penny... There was one man who installed the lights and within a month he had saved enough to pay for the essential things for his child, who was about to be born. Can you imagine?
To be frank, it's difficult to imagine that in the West. But as the "Moser lamp" symbolises, the ethos should be to reach out, and yet in developed countries we are becoming more divisive. Instead of uniting to tackle global issues such as poverty, and put an end racial and sexual inequality in our hearts and minds, we have seemingly grown indifferent to the plight of others. But what are we saying to life? With our actions, our thoughts - in short our attitude - what are we putting out there?
Love your haters and wish them on to their own path of self love.We can't expect positive returns with toxicity, and yet we are allowing the mistakes of the past to poison our future. Because what we are doing today not only affects our present moment, it's influencing our children, one way or another. Next time take a look at how your child treats his or her friends. It's a reflection on you. So, speak to your child of love, and you will hear that love talk back.
Saint Augustine, an early Christian theologian, is attributed as saying that if we are filled with love, we are filled with God himself. Acts of kindness are the blossoms of the soul. Even if beautiful people are not always good, good people are always beautiful. I believe in that. For example, we will all have experienced haters in our lives at one time or another. For those people, I wish only the best while keeping my distance.
Turn off the poison valves in your life.
Why should we wish the best for everyone, even if they don't wish the same for us? Well for starters, if your enemies are happy within themselves they won't want to send out any negativity your way! Wishing those problematic individuals in your life a great life of their own will mean they will stop being preoccupied with hating on you, or others. Your positive attitude, meanwhile, guards you against inner toxicity. It's a win-win situation. When we do this, in the words of Yúnmén Wényǎn (the monk Unmon), a major Chinese Zen master in Tang-era China, every day is a good day.
On this point, one blogger
is using her internet haters' to fight back. If we require proof that the internet
is a hostile place for women, we need to look no further than blogger
Lindsay Bottos' Tumblr, where the 21-year-old artist and student, tired of the vitriolic anonymous comments she received about her looks, artwork and personal life, decided to use the words of her haters right back at them. She started a project where she combines pictures of herself with some of the harsh comments she has received, carefully combining image and comment to put her point across.
Sending out this type of "love" not only reduces a "bad" comment down to its petty size, it also gets people to start thinking about what they write. For what we say will respond back to us. This is true if you're an antagonist. It's also true if you're kind. And even if your kindness to a particular person seemingly goes unrewarded, it will come back to you somewhere down the line in the form of a kind word, or helping hand - when you least expect it.
And the moral of Bottos' story - as with so many others - is that we can set ourselves on a mission to be better. Often something unexpected can make you smile; just don't make your smile an unexpected occurrence. Bring beauty to what you do, and to how you live. If life is an effort, make it worth the climb. Elevate your craft for living, by appearing (and so being) calm in the most oppressive situations.
Cultivate a loving mind. It should flow where you go. Don't confine it, or squeeze it into a narrow corner of your life. For example, when you walk, walk with joy everywhere you go. Feel the cool grass under your feet. Notice the brightly coloured flowers, the beautiful trees, a single bird flying in the sky.
By staying in the present moment, you will fall in love with your life. Then anything that touches you - even stress, anger, anxiety - becomes an opportunity to turn to love. It's a chance for us to reaffirm the importance of love. And that ultimately - knowing that we need love to live - we MUST love to live.
Yours in love,
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Click here to attract your own twin flame NOW!Dear Mickie,
