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“It's often been said that every time you get angry, you poison your own system. This is true of destructive anger. But what if you could use your anger to cleanse your system? What if at the core of your anger there is a need not being fulfilled? So, love your anger; and by that I mean try to understand it. Don't ignore it. Fix the need, lose the anger; use the anger to fix the need. Allow it to guide you to the root of the problem; but don't allow it to become the problem. That's when anger becomes destructive - and the only place such anger can lead you is down.”
— Mickie Kent
Achieving life-changing transformation is a very profound and intense time for all of us. We are going to find challenging experiences activating our partnerships and relationships during our time of change, too. This may mean that we have to work harder on our relationships; this may mean that we have to go within ourselves and really think about our self when it comes to relationships. How are you in relationships? Is there any behavioural patterns you need to change? How can make your relationship with your self healthier? This is important as it will impact your external relationships. This may be difficult to do (or maybe just boring and too practical) but it can bring great rewards.
There will be many of us that feel as though we want to quickly revolutionise our life, health and well-being, and have new beginnings in your life. Others will want to evolve their career, their individuality and their purpose in the world. Many astrologers are attesting to 2012 as a rare opportunity, calling it a powerful time for change. This might make many of us reflective wanting to look back on our lives; if so, use this to your advantage. Take it as a chance not to drown in nostalgia or get angry about the past, but evaluate your strategies in relationships and how you work with other people.
If you have a tendency to avoid conflict and cruise on the surface of situations, now is the time to talk about things on a deep level, and to discard superficiality. It's time to get real; to talk the truth. Don't just deal with things on the surface. Don't sidestep relationship issues or problems. It's hard to root out from the flesh what is bred in bone. Delve deep into yourself and your relationships.
You're responsible for dealing with your shadow side. These are the things within yourself that may be you're not very proud of, or the secrets, the longings or desires - but don't give yourself any guilt over any aspects of your shadow side that may arise. This is the moment to love yourself, and be honest with yourself. Try to view any perceived negative as a hidden positive. Nurture yourself and look deep within and see what wounds have made you the strong person that you are, and which wounds still need some healing. Work on ways on being positive to heal those wounds.
To deal with your dark side, you must first embrace it. If we want to work at self-improvement for keeps, and we want to commit to things, then it's never advisable to ignore your shadow side - as you could be faced with future (more extreme versions) of past situations to remind you - be that difficult relationships, obsessions or addictions. We must be wise enough to go within ourselves and ask, "What can I heal?" What hurt us in the past? What things frightened us, and still do?
It's also true that it's very difficult to take responsibility for our less flattering characteristics, even if it's to stand up and actively protect the victimised parts of ourselves. Instead, we get defensive and block out what we don't want to see. I've certainly been there. Most of us like to cultivate our strengths and push our weaknesses aside, but it is best remembered that everything has an opposite. Balance is key. The light cannot exist without darkness, the good cannot survive without evil. And our less flattering qualities may often represent the flip side of our fear of being overlooked and disregarded.
Get to love your darker sideJungian psychoanalyst Robert Johnson, and author of the book Owning Your Own Shadow, argues that we all have parts of our egos that have been disavowed, split off and pushed into a hidden corner of our psyche. And if unacknowledged, they take on a life of their own. But they don’t just lay dormant. When continuously overlooked, they come out in an uncontrolled way, as in angry outbursts or panic attacks. That is when we shake our heads in disbelief, saying “I don’t know what’s gotten into me.”
But befriending your shadow has huge rewards: “The joy of life is created by owning one’s shadow,” writes Johnson. We have to find the balance between our golden side and our dark side. “That middle ground is not the gray compromise that we feared, but the pace of ecstasy and joy.”
Have you ever noticed the serenity and friendly detachment of older people who have aged well, and can just laugh off what used to be insulting? That is what he means.
And Johnson goes even further. You know how we get irked most by people who display behaviours that we don’t like about ourselves? Same goes with the positive traits. We most admire those people who have what we don’t seem to have – confidence, grace, power and so on. But the truth is, that these characteristics lie dormant in us – we just have to turn our attention to them and do the work to bring them out in us.
That process is of course very painful. It is the place many of us are stuck in right now. But if we plough through it and integrate our good and bad qualities, we are capable of becoming truly whole. We can’t get there, says Johnson, “until one has owned one’s own shadow and drawn it up to a place of dignity and worth.”
If we manage to do this, we will become calm, well-balanced and we will see beauty in our relationships and in our self. We can see the need to transform as an opportunity to really step through into a different way of being when it comes to love and relationships. Perhaps all this delving into the shadows is an opportunity to move us forward; to see ourselves as a peaceful warrior of love for ourselves and other people. See all the necessary "fighting" that we must do to overcome our challenges as a process of growth.
Challenges may include core values, financial resources, your boundaries, the people you trust, trust issues, debts owed to you and that you owe; so you'll probably be looking at how to lower expenses, lower debt and increase income. And as we know, money can impact on our relationships, but it may also be a signal for us to release what we've outgrown, or can no longer afford. Agonising jobs, relationships, lifestyles - it's about taking responsibility for our deepest desires, and turning fear into fulfilment.
Read how to identify your core values.
Challenging times can also be breakthrough times, but if we allow our fears to rule our thoughts, it's like putting a glass sheet between our dreams. We can see, but we can't touch. Thus, instead of getting stuck into negative thinking patterns, we can focus on what is working for us and what options are available to us. What practical solutions can we use to solve problems?
All of us at one time or another have experienced a difficult situation, had setbacks, or dealt with our share of disappointment. However, experts say it's not what happens to us that matters but rather, how we choose to respond, as the spiritual parable below illustrates.
Carrots, eggs or coffee - which are you?A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one would pop up.
Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire, and soon the pots came to boil. In the first pot she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word. In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."
"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.
Her grandmother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The grandmother then asked the granddaughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the grandmother asked the granddaughter to sip the coffee.
The granddaughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma then asked, "What does it mean, grandmother?"
Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.
"Which are you?" she asked her granddaughter.
This also has a lot to do with our future vision and our beliefs. Some of us could feel the desire to want to go back to school again, or learn a new skill. So, even though we'll have many challenges forcing us to change what isn't working within ourselves, we can keep ourselves forward-focused. This may also mean that we can find ourselves dreaming and fantasising quite a bit, but there's nothing wrong with a bit of fantasy!
If we have already begun to lead a synergistic life, then our harmonious energy flow will help uplift us and keep us positive, and decorate our fantasies with great vibes. Think of your fantasies as a warm overcoat to help you in the cold; they are the incentive that pushes you on through the cold and hungry time. The richest food of all, is the food of the mind. It'll give you flashes of creative genius, vision, drive and the will to go after your heart's desires, because those dreams can come true with the necessary inspired action into new beginnings coupled with future vision.
Broaden your circle of friends, search for more like-minded people, reach out and connect with increased optimism as you forge new relationships. If you love meeting new people, this is your time as you're in your element. Support groups can keep your dreams going; but they can also help with the stark reality of the hard work necessary to achieve them. It's also a time to face what you don't like, or want, but that's to get you where you do want to be. Take the challenges as guidance and focus on what you can do, and what is possible for you.
You might want the immediacy of revolutionary change in your life, but the reality may be that slow improvements and gradual change is not only the way forward, but the true way to achieve long-lasting transformations in your life. You can begin with small steps, as long as you act. Slow, but sure steps will make you feel uplifted, empowered and expansive, as your confidence builds and gains momentum with each winning step you take.
Radical overhaul is not necessary, if it's simply going to freak you out and stop you from moving forward. It will just create the opposite effect. Moving forward is the ideal. Keep your mind moving forward. Keep things bite-size, take things a day at a time, until you grow in trust and can take on bigger and bigger things. When you do the things you love and make you happy - it's a great directional force.
Feeling good is very important. You have to be in alignment with what you really want - to have the flow - to be in balance, freely flowing and energised. Life can become a full-time vacation when you discover what really matters to you. Starting from a happy place, and a positive vibe is great.
However, what do we do when we have negative feelings? Struggling with our emotions, or shifting our feelings is commonplace for many of us. Negative feelings can come up, and it's natural that we don't know what to do with them. How we understand our emotions and the way they serve us, knowing how we receive and how to reclaim them is vital information we need to work better with them.
This time of delving into your self is allowing us the opportunities to do this to get us ready for a better future. We need to have peace with all of our feelings.
Feel every emotion as love
Experts differentiate how we handle negative feelings, as opposed to negative thoughts. Some say unlike negative emotions, negative feelings can be dealt with by changing them into positive thoughts or removing them from our mindset. Whereas instead of blocking negative emotion and trying to act happy, it's best to accept that emotion as guidance.
You can't beat yourself up every time you have a negative thought or emotion, because even the happiest people will have them from time to time. But in terms of our emotions, experts in this field say that the fact that we even call these feelings "negative" says something to the way we have been unconsciously programmed to view them. The way we understand them is said to be attached to ego and fear. So we can either look at them through those lenses, or through the energy of love.
We can imagine these feelings as the blocked off paths on a maze - they may block our path, but they are actually guiding us back on to the right track to the centre of the maze. Thus emotion is like your barometer to check to see if you're on the right path. The theory is that each feeling has its own specific guidance of love trying to support us on our path. Likewise, conflict can be healthy - it is unresolved conflict that is toxic to our well-being. Love will make us learn through resolution; by allowing our passion guide us into choosing our path, for what we need we find a way.
Even if it's an emotion we don't want to have (e.g. a "negative" one) they are learning lessons (that we can turn into something "positive"), or trying to tell us that we need to make certain choices - and what's trying to come through with every emotion is a very loving and positive message. If you allow these emotions into your heart, like a lighthouse they can guide you to shore. For instance, anger is toxic when we understand it through our ego, but as loving guidance anger is an alarm to wake us up to something that might be going wrong in our lives. Scientists have discovered that fits of extreme temper may even be the result of an inflammation in the body. Thus we can programme ourselves to hear the empowering version of our anger, rather than view it through fear or blame, which can be toxic.
If negative emotions become parasitic then they feed on us, and makes us crave what is good for them to sustain them but what is bad for us (e.g. self-defeating doubt, procrastination). However, they only become a tapeworm if we swallow them and keep them in the gut! So we need to allow ourselves to feel, and receive these emotions rather than push or bury them away so that they support us.
Emotion is our fuel to our thoughtful intention. It's our energetic fuel. Ignoring those emotions we don't like means we're only using half our energetic fuel, but using the whole gamut means we are now using the whole range of our energetic fuel. That's when we understand how our emotions can serve us, and we can turn our "negative" feelings into our greatest allies. When we turn our rage and anger over, on the other side is clarity and strength. Likewise on the other side of every "negative" emotion we can find real guidance.
Emotions play a big part in visualisation techniques; when you're visualising you need to feel those emotions as well. This theory also stresses that you can't force anything; there will come moments when you'll need to take a step back and allow things to take their own course, too. Take a look at what's your ideal, and what's real.
Click here to rewire your mindset for success!
Experts emphasise that you have to set your intentions, and visualise them with emotion, and of course take inspired action in that direction - but that you need to take guidance from the blocks, too. Wisdom comes from knowing what can be changed, and what must change you on the path to your self-improvement and enlightenment - including self-respect, self-appreciation and a focus on core values.
You can use this as a chance to inspire others by showing them that positive "can do" spirit. You may find that this smooths out any relationship issues you've been having, as well. Talking things out can be very empowering for you and the other person - lifting all your spirits to new heights. In this way challenges can take you out of the frustration and limitation and be a stepping stone to something better.
We can take this time (and indeed any time of our lives) to grow into a centred being, where our core is a synergy of our mind, body and soul. Some experts call this becoming a "heart centred being"; where we are living from this synergy, or "heart" - which practically means living from our core values.
You're really looking at what you love and value, and what your loved ones want and need. Use the energy of your intuition, your nurturing abilities and your compassion to heal yourself and heal others. What do others need from you? What's working for you from what other's are giving you?
We will be faced with stark realities, but these challenges are what will get us there; we have dreams, opportunities arise and doors are open for us, but it is the stark realities that show us the step-by-step process we need to go through to make these dreams real. How can we increase our income or resources, and what's stopping us from doing that? Are we taking responsibility for where we're currently at in our lives? What can we let go of that no longer serves us? What do we need to change?
Allow challenges to be the drive to own our power, to grow and take responsibility for our lives. Be inventive with solutions; think outside of the box, and don't allow others to put you into one! Because what we're doing is really giving birth to the new "you" - that's why it's painful and challenging. Put another way, if our soul covenants aren't serving us, it's time to change them.
Making a contract with your soul
Some propound the theory that we often make an agreement with ourselves - like a covenant with the soul - which can persist into your next life. It's said these invisible contracts can cause you to have recurring problems in your current life, and it's often hard to figure out why. But it's thought this is why people get stuck in unproductive behaviours. The suggested solution is to positively create stronger relationships and promote stronger mental control by understanding the processes of human existence.
These agreements, which some believe are contracts we make with spirit before we enter life, are also viewed by others as a covenant we make with ourselves to find our soul path - the true purpose of our lives that we want to pursue for fulfilment. Our passions are the clues and the guide to what the contact is, but we are really "reading blind" - because it's a path of discovery. Whether it's to change or to honour, part of our purpose is to discover what our contract is - the terms of which are said to be lodged in our subconscious, described by some as where the records of the soul is kept.
Read how to discover your passion.
The twin flame ethos is bound into this in some respect, as it's believed we have a contract with the other half of our unique source from spirit. In a way it adheres to the belief that we don't come to the world with a "clean slate"; we come in with soul-groups, soul mates, and our twin flame, although it's not as though we have no choice, rather it's a journey where we can learn, master and do better. The slate is "clean" in one sense, but the indentations and chalk dust from before, however faint, is there to help us learn from previous mistakes and to clear those energies blocked by wrong choices - or force us to deal with those emotions and issues.
Click here to attract your own twin flame NOW!
It's not easy, but figuring things out never is, especially when it's to do with tough issues. Who wakes up in the morning feeling great and says, "Today I'm going to completely transform myself?" No one does. The emotions we perceived as "negative" therefore, can be the push we need for transformational change. The further our vibes rise, and the more enlightened we become will mean we won't have to learn this hard way; but at the bottom of the ladder, this is the way temps learn to get to the top.
But getting through life's mixed metaphors is not so difficult as realising that when change comes in our lives, it's to nudge us into the realisation that our soul contract does not serve us. If we can understand that we can release ourselves from parts of the contract written by our mistakes, we can free ourselves up and be open (and willing) to change.
Unless we do this, we will be condemned to make the same mistakes over and over again, because enlightenment comes when we start getting it the "first time around" - and so start to make more choices that are "right" for us.
Ultimately it will take hard work, because it's not just about being comfortable in our own skin. It's about getting out of our comfort zone, going out to follow our passions, and to work hard to make those intentions our reality. This may sound like advice to become single-minded, however, so be wary of losing sight of the big picture. Arrogance is sometimes the strength of the mind running ahead of itself, but remember nothing is great unless good, so make sure you don't walk rough-shod over others. Feel every emotion as love not just within you, but in all that you do.
Yours in love,
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