Don't Sabotage Love

In this post for today I'm going to respond to a reader's email and her problem with hitting the brick wall of fatigue, and what I like to term as self-sabotage.

As you know, if you spend more than 5 minutes online looking for information to change your life, there is a lot of stuff out there. Much of it is theoretical, processes and ideas that sound good but at the end of the day, don't give you results.

I offer practical advice on how to bring love into our lives, because that is the key that unlocks most of the secrets hidden from us - or we hide from ourselves. For example, I've already had people write in about using my 90 day mind health programme to let me know they've already experienced positive results in their lives. And if I'm about one thing, it's results.

Now, what I want to share with you today delivers such tremendous results, quickly, that it falls into the "I can't believe this works this well" category after people use it.

It's a technique called loving yourself.

Sure enough, self-sabotage - or the flip side to a successful life - hinges a lot on being able to know the right time to put yourself first. This isn't about being selfish (real love never is) it is about being self-aware.

And when things start to go your way in business (or in love!), you'll soon have more work than you can handle. Instead of searching for opportunity, it will come at you fast and furious. Soon you'll need to focus on saying "no", otherwise you'll end up like the reader who emailed me. She went through a phase of too much success.

For goodness sake, I hear you ask, how can you have too much success?

Undoubtedly, too much of anything - even a good thing - can be bad for you, but I'll let you be the judge after reading her email. It's a real lesson on how to properly deal with abundance and avoid the dirty little game of self-sabotage that we all too often play.

Can you handle your success?

A week ago I things went all willy-nilly. Turns out, it was the early warning signs of illness, leaving me bedridden for days. Of course, this seriously impeded me in the productivity department. I'm up to my earrings with work on my customised cupcake business as well as enjoying opportunities from all corners of the planet. Things are outrageously good for me. But I need to be performing at the top of my game. Every hour matters. Getting sick is not a part of the plan.

I tried to self-diagnose via the web (a terrible thing to do by the way). Was it salmonella? A ten foot long tapeworm-demon? A life-threatening illness and my days were numbered? Of course my friends were trying to diagnose me too. The bets were on that I was pregnant. Nope, I didn't need to pee on a stick to know that diagnosis was bogus. But I still couldn't figure out what was wrong. Lucky for me, I have some pretty intuitive friends. One of them sent me a link to your blog.

My fiancé quietly reminded me that I had been going non-stop and that I severely needed a break. He was right (nothing new there). But isn't success meant to be good for you?"

Knock backs are a part of our lives. One of the biggest differences between those that live extraordinary lives and everyone else often comes down to one simple thing: Those that live extraordinary lives are willing to act without guaranteed outcomes. Taking action without 100% certainty that "X" will happen suggests you are both flexible and capable of taking risks.

In this context, some experts call what my reader in her email is describing as an upper limit problem. This is when you go through some major growth, where you bust through your upper limits and increasing your capacity for success.

Now the idea is this: each of us possesses an internal thermometer for how much success, wealth, love, happiness and intimacy we let ourselves experience. That is our upper limit setting; it's our success comfort zone.

Given that, when we exceed our internal thermostat by achieving a serious win, it blows the mercury through the roof and metaphorically pops our head off. Something negative sidetracks the goodness: we break an ankle, fry our computer, get involved in family drama, overeat, overspend and get sick. We apply the brakes to our success through the dirty little game of self-sabotage.

5 ways you're sabotaging your own life.

Why do we let this happen? Because it will bring us down to our normal range of capacity where we can cosy up with our security blanket.

And it doesn't stop there. We think that happiness comes when we are winning: a great relationship, a better job, a bigger pay cheque. The sad reality is that for all our huge milestones (and even the little ones), a stampede of negative emotions and actions can dismantle our progress.

Never felt like you don't deserve something? Have you ever believed that something is too good to be true and it can all vanish with one false move?

Know that this is pretty standard fare of an upper limit problem, which is just a negative reaction to positive change.

Excuse the spoiler alert: dealing with our upper limit problems can significantly expand our capacity for palpable and lasting personal success while maintaining loving relationships.

Really this is fantastic news! By calling out the vampires that suck the life from our wins, we can up our ante but not undermine the gains we make along the way.

And the reader that emailed me is experiencing unbelievable growth. She is excited about the success of her customised cupcakes and things were amazing. So, she didn't just bump into her upper limit; she smashed it with a sledgehammer. She felt unstoppable - almost - until she found herself ill in bed.

Nice kettle of fish you might say, but this is why we need to understand our upper limit problem:

• So we don't mistakenly label ourselves as flawed or broken or, worse yet, "not good enough" to handle a big jump in success or happiness.
• So we can harness life-changing breakthroughs that actually linger and provide real traction to build on.
• So our relationships with our partners (and others) don't suffer or dissolve.
• So we can check our ego and victim, "why does this always happen to me" diatribe at the door.

Don't forget that diatribe is for the powerless. Look, no one escapes this dialogue so don't feel weak, bad or alone if any of this strikes a pain point. Everyone on the planet experiences upper limit problems at some point. Thankfully for us they are easy to diffuse when you have the right tools and a willingness to overcome them.

It is also beneficial to remember that moving through your upper limit setting isn't a one time quick fix. If you're committed to continually expanding your levels of wealth, love and happiness then strap in for the ride baby.

How I rose above my upper limit problem:

• I acknowledged my tolerance for how good I was willing to have my life be. If I wanted to shoot for the moon, can I actually handle my own success?
• I also came to grips with how amazing my life was at that point. At the exact point where I was - not in the future when I wrapped my next big deal. That meant treating people and events in my sphere with all the love, respect and honour that I could muster.
• I told my family how much I loved them. I let myself be grateful for the money currently in my bank account. I thought about the roof over my head and the bounty of food on my menu and the amazing clients that I had worked with.
• I acknowledged my abundance in a real way and I verbalised this to the people around me.
• Then I gave myself a permission slip to chill out. I released myself from the guilt of non-productivity. No computer time, no work: just me and Haagen-Dazs and back-to-back episodes of Mad Men for three days. It was a step in the right direction of figuring out how to live inside my life with more ease.

Once you do this - the moment my reader stops beating herself up for being unproductive and sick - you'll go into speedy recovery mode and be as strong like bull in no time.

Personally, being cognisant of my success "comfort zone" has been a huge leg up for me when it comes to turning up my own success thermostat.

Eventually, I began to do it more often with less fear of getting burned. And that tastes sweet.

How to overcome fatigue

Ever self-sabotaged yourself so much that you've run yourself ragged?

Don't despair, because their are also some practical things you can do to combat fatigue.

In general, feeling tired or exhausted is a normal sign that it's time to rest and sleep. But if you are constantly fatigued or excessively tired over time, you're not healthy. The good news: With simple changes and natural remedies, you can defeat fatigue and live vibrantly.

Every so often, your lifestyle can attract too much stress, too much work, too much worry and not enough relaxation or sleep. This makes you fatigued. And when this fatigue is prolonged, or allowed to exist for weeks on end, it can become chronic. Chronic fatigue is one of the most debilitating health issues you can grapple with. It saps your energy and joy for life. Often, it can lead to depression.

Subsequently, the problem is that many people bring prolonged fatigue on themselves through their daily actions and choices. Fatigue-inducing actions include:

• Working too many hours.
• Experiencing too much physical or mental stress at work.
• Taking on too much without the ability to say no.
• Not reducing psychological stress.
• Not getting seven solid hours of sleep per night.
• Over-using external stimulants like caffeine, sugar or drugs to keep you energised.
• Eating a poor diet high in simple carbohydrates, sugars and fats.
• Not drinking ample amounts of water.
• Wearing down your nervous system with smoking and drinking alcoholic beverages.

Act now to banish fatigue

Horrible as it feels, suffering chronic fatigue is something most people can vanquish. If you examine the list above, you can see that all of these examples are based on personal actions and behaviours. Change these and you naturally change your energy levels. Here's what you can do:

• Set a standard sleep and wake schedule, and try not to deviate from it. Experts suggest that eight hours of sleep per night is ideal and the healthiest, which you can divide into two slots.
• Do not over consume beverages with caffeine or cut out sugar-laden drinks that dehydrate you while also causing spikes and drops in blood sugar. This leads to fatigue.
• If you experience fatigue in the middle of the day, take a nap (if possible), go for a walk or take a personal day to go home and recharge. One lost day may forestall suffering fatigue for weeks or longer.
• Try to get your work done within a set time frame. This may mean prioritising your magic time, managing your schedule more efficiently or reducing your workload. Learn to say no to extra tasks before you are overwhelmed. Again, this means balancing your health with your work.
• Learn and practice daily stress-management and stress-reduction techniques, like mindful meditation breathing. Aromatherapy also helps, as do hot showers and soothing baths at the end of the day.
• Avoid all external stimulants (sugar or caffeine energy drinks) that produce artificial energy. These provide only short energy boosts while dragging your body down. If you need energy, go for a brisk five-minute walk or do some jumping jacks or have sex with your partner. While it sounds counter-intuitive, it takes energy to make energy. The more you exercise or move your body, the more energy your body produces naturally.
• Eat only whole grains when deciding on breads and pastas; they take longer to break down and turn to sugar in your body. They do not cause the same spikes and dips in energy that simple carbohydrates do. Getting your carbohydrates from vegetable sources is even better.
• Try to not overstimulate your sense organs when you are feeling stressed. That means creating work and living environments that are not overly crammed with images, sounds, smells and clutter. Such things tax your nervous system and can sometimes lead you to feel fatigue.

On the road to good health

Realise that energy is the elixir of good health. Fatigue drains you of vibrancy.

Reach out to the things that will energise you. In this context, experts suggest 5 things that lead naturally to optimal energy:

1. Oxygen: Without oxygen you cannot live. Yet most people breathe shallowly, using only a portion of their lung capacity. They do not bring in enough fresh oxygen into the body, nor do they expel enough carbon dioxide. Breathing deeply a few times every hour, as long as the air is fresh, can help energise your body, aid in detoxification and invigorate your cells. (Remember, if you are anxious, take shallow breaths, as in that instance your body is getting too much oxygen.)
2. Food: Necessary for life, food is your fuel. Eating whole grains, fruits and vegetables while cutting back on sugars and processed foods goes a long way toward creating natural energy and stabilizing sugar crashes.
3. Water: Water is remarkably important for all functions in the body from the elimination of toxins to the moistening of the lungs and other organs to keeping the muscles loose. Drinking water to stay hydrated is a valuable resource for preventing fatigue.
4. Sleep: Sleep allows your body to shut down and begin to repair itself from the stresses of the day. You need this time to regenerate, clean and repair. Without ample sleep on a nightly basis, you will surely experience fatigue and, often, chronic pain.
5. Movement: As mentioned before, it takes the use of energy to create extra energy. The more you can walk, jump or exercise, the more energy your body naturally starts producing. Being sedentary leads only to more sedentary behaviours which, in turn, lead to low energy, tiredness and fatigue. Get up and move.

In addition to these lifestyle changes, there are additional things you can do to prevent and overcome fatigue: Get regular bodywork like massage or acupuncture. Take yoga. Go to the gym. Hike or bike on a regular basis. Add supplements to your diet like B complex, vitamins E and C, magnesium, zinc, selenium, iron, and ginseng.

Be sure, on the other hand, to forgo pills supposed to pep you up and combat jet lag.

Live a vibrant life

Essentially, you should live a vibrant life and get naturally tired.

Don't forget, being tired is a natural part of each day, signalling a time to rest. Since fatigue is largely self-induced because of our lifestyles, it is clear that making changes in your daily behaviours, actions and choices can naturally reverse fatigue and prevent its return.

Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise, is a good saying, but generally, we can live a vibrant life full of energy by making the adjustments that can keep fatigue at bay.

Although it may take some effort at first, routines are easy to maintain after a brief period of introduction.

Try some of the suggestions made if you're feeling run down, it might just the shot in the arm you're looking for.

Here for you in love,