Trust in Twin Flame Love

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In my "Facing Challenges with Your Twin Flame" post I wrote that every relationship - even those with your twin flame - will throw up challenges for you to face.

There are many reasons why twin flames undergo an often temporary time of physical separation after the initial meeting. It is believed that when twin flames first meet their souls alight in the flames of love. But then for some relationships there comes the troubles, the conflicts, the arguments, the hot/cold behaviour, the confusion, the feelings of so-called craziness - the list goes on. But why does this happen? Why, when there is so much love, is there so much conflict and running away from each other?

Experts on twin flames will tell you that this is a soul connection and our souls are made from pure love. Think about it for a second, our souls are love, in it's purest form. Our souls are so eager to reconnect us with our twin flames in the physical, you'd think it would be simple. But, we are each individual, and there are those that believe there are many lessons to learn, many tests to take before we can fully unite with our twin flames.

First there is the ego and all the preconceptions we have about the way we think love should be. But this is soul love and therefore it doesn't fit into the earthly creations of romantic relationships - it goes far beyond that, therefore it is impossible to try and limit the love by forcing it into a purely romantic setting. This is placing conditions upon our love. The soul loves unconditionally and until we enter more into our soul-consciousness, our souls will keep repelling, because we are placing expectation and conditions upon the connection and this is not pure love.

This means we have to cultivate our soul to a level of awareness that can accept the truth of true love.

Twin flames are reflections of each other, of Self, so it is said - and they show us everything about ourselves that we don't love, accept and what needs healing. When these inner blocks still remain, they will continue to be reflected between the twins and yet again it will repel them to go their separate ways again until we look inwards and heal inwards individually.

Often twins run because there are parts of themselves they don't love or accept, and they can't handle seeing these things illuminated through the connection. They don't feel good enough and are afraid that if they get close, the other twin will see these parts of themselves (they are trying to deny or hide) and reject them. This rejection, they believe, would crush them and prove to them the very things they detest about themselves to be correct. They run from their own fears about themselves.

However, this is often subconscious, and the twins point their fingers at each other, and blame the other for the breakdown of a physical relationship. But experts say this is a learning curve that has been pre-determined by both twin flames before they incarnate, to help them learn and grow the most. The physical separation forces the twin flames to eventually look deeper within and awaken more to their soul-consciousness and realise that it is about healing the self.

We must find ourselves before we find true love; we must learn to love ourselves before we can love our other self.

Depending on the individual, sometimes it takes time for twin flames to trust in the love. As the attraction comes about immediately and so intensely, it often goes beyond the logic we are taught to trust in, rather than emotion and intuition.

Many twins feel the transformation happening within them, as they awaken more and more to their soul-consciousness, but try to fight it because they are afraid of the unknown. They believe they are happy (or at least comfortable) at how they had made sense of the world before meeting their twin flame - it fits into most other people's views too.

They wonder how they could survive if they suddenly allowed themselves to trust in intuition and soul and spirituality. Won't people think they are mad? Won't they lose friends and even family? What if they are married, won't their husbands/wives think them mad or bad? They feel so alone, so confused and think they are mad. So they run, to save themselves the trouble.

But as they run from the connection, their twin flame and themselves, they begin to lose themselves, and close up their heart - becoming numb, depressed, and lost. On the surface they try to make out everything is fine. They are desperate to make everything fine, and bring their lives back to some so-called normality again, because they fear they are weak to believe in this twin flame love - especially when they think the twin has hurt them so much (or has the potential to hurt them).

They cannot yet see that it is their own inner hurt, their own inner rejection that has caused so much pain. But their inner numbness becomes very frightening, their depression very real. People can see they are changing but they cannot tell them why - no-one would understand.

So they begin to feel more and more alone, and they are pushed deeper into themselves, into their emotions. But this is where their intuition is and where the inner knowing of the soul-consciousness resides. Eventually the fear of losing themselves will become bigger than the fear of facing up to their inner issues.

As the saying it is darkest before dawn can ring so true, sometimes twin flames need to feel the deepest depths before they accept there is another way into love, into freedom, into happiness.

But the path leading to that can be very rocky and will be for a reason, to help them trust in themselves more and love themselves. Trusting and knowing yourself is important, so it can be reflected back between the twins for reunion to occur.

But what practical tips can we use in such situations to get lucky in love and better trust our partner? Below I provide some guiding tips that will help not only twin flames, but general information for everyone looking to capture someone's heart.

How to be lucky in love

Are you known amongst your friends to entertain with amusing and unsuccessful love stories, full of woes, bizarre dates, nightmare situations and that one with the funny leg? If so, you could be suffering from a universal self-sabotage syndrome that psychologists call emotional masochism.

Basically: It's as if each of us grew up feeling comfy with a certain level of happiness. Some of us are used to 90%, others only 75%, others only 17%. The point is, when this concentration shifts upwards - then a lot of us start to feel twitchy, because this new zone feels very unfamiliar. We instinctively do what we must do to muck up our love life so we can shift our happiness concentration back down, down to our familiar zone.

So how do you break free from the shackles of emotional masochism?

You must 100% accept that you do a lot of the silly things you do because of your insecurities and some negative past or childhood issues you may have. It is after all much easier to be miserable, and to sneak up and kill the dragon before it wakes. My advice is, you're a lot bigger and braver than you were in the past, so take a deep breath, wake the friendly dragon and let it show you a different side.

After you get done blaming your past for pain, you must accept some responsibility. After all, you've been an adult or adult-ish for a while now. Although your troublemaking subconscious has gotten you into some painful relationships and situations, the time has come for you to show your cerebrum who's boss and stop allowing those painful misadventures to get in the way.

Here's how:

1. With my 90 day mind healing programme you can release resistance and get rid of negative emotions, but next time you're tempted to settle for a pattern of pain, repeat the following mantra: I am not my past behaviour. I am not my past failures. I am not how others have at one time treated me. I am only who I think I am right now in this moment. I am only what I do right now in this moment! (But maybe not out loud on the bus.)
2. Talk with your friends, family members you feel that you can be open with about this concept of emotional masochism. Chances are they will probably throw their arms up in the arm in pure jubilation and relish in the fact you've seen the light. You'll find that the more you can be honest about repressed feelings and share them, the less troublemaking your subconscious will need to be.
3. Recognise that you have triggers that remind you of past pain and might thereby create a downward spiral of negative thinking and behaviour. Clear your life of these triggers! Instead, get "trigger-happy" and focus on positive triggers that remind you of all your happy relationships. If suddenly you feel yourself wobble, listen to a song that reminds you of a great time with friends, call someone that makes you laugh, think about something that makes you smile.
4. Finally, there's an added sneaky reason why painful patterns form: A theory à la Carl Jung, a great psychological thinker. He believed that our lives need meaning and purpose. If we don't have meaning and purpose, we acquire a bad habit in order to create drama and excitement. Jung called these patterns of pain "low-level spiritual quests". The good news: You can more readily dump negative patterns by developing a high-level quest - a driving positive force that drives you forward. Meaning? Often, it's easier to dump negative patterns in love if you develop an exciting hobby. Consider taking up cycling, skydiving, scuba diving, exotic cooking, going to gigs, tennis. And who knows - maybe in the process you'll find someone wonderful you can share your stimulating new hobby with!

How to trust your partner

So, once you've won your lover's heart, you might find that your past issues can still adversely affect your relationship. Below I share information on how to deal with trust issues in a relationship and how to trust your partner.

Lack of trust, or what some call doubt, is a mental illness that affects many relationships negatively. Lack of trust is a huge problem that can ruin the relationship. Lack of trust could lead you to start checking your loved ones mobile, purses, cars, clothes, watching them, and stalking them among other things.

A lack of trust makes you live in fear, worry, and distress. It also could lead you to depression among other mental problems. If you suffer from this illness, which is called lack of trust, then you need to learn how to overcome it, otherwise, it will ruin your relationship with your partner.

If your goal is to learn how to build trust in a relationship, follow the below steps:

1. When you begin to doubt your partner, stop right away and switch the thought to a positive one. Stopping the thought as soon as it starts is one of the most effective ways you can do to overcome lack of trust in a relationship.
2. If you have witnessed something that makes you doubt your partner, then talk to your partner about it in a calm way. Communication is the key.
3. If you have seen your parents deal with a lack of trust issue, then it is better to start working on healing yourself, work with a counsellor or a life coach. Research shows that many people who lack trust in their relationship do so because they learned to doubt their partners from seeing their parents not trusting each other. Therefore, to build trust in a relationship, you need to start healing yourself and changing your mental habits.
4. Learn visualisation (with my 90 day mind healing programme) as it is one of the best ways to relax you and will help you get rid of lack of trust issues. When you are relaxed, you can start to visualise yourself that you and your partner trust each other, understand each other, and love each other. Remember, visualisation helps you to program your subconscious mind with what you want to achieve.
5. To build trust in a relationship, you have to build your self confidence. Many people's lack of trust issues stem for lack of confidence. For example, every time your partner talks to the opposite sex, do you get jealous and start having some doubts? Do you asking questions such as "Does he/she love me?" "Does he/she find me attractive?" "Why is he/she talking to her/him?" "Why is he/she late?"
6. Learn to be sincere and truthful. Truth is the currency of love. If you have a lack of trust problem now and you have lost the trust from your partner, then don't worry. You can regain the trust from your partner in a few months if you are willing to overcome your lack of trust issues and doubts, you just have to be sincere and truthful.

Yours in love,

Love What You Do

Wales is my spiritual home. When I think of a romanticised Wales, I imagine rolling green hills and wonderful stone built workshops isolated in the countryside, with beams of sunlight glittering in on a lone artisan working inside his stone-brick shop. I imagine peering in through the dusty window, watching an old master at work using hand tools, working with his hands, creating Celtic instruments, while in the background the gentle strumming of a harp made by his hands sings Celtic music.

There is beauty in tradition. Today, however, old handicrafts are replaced by computerised technology; the mechanisation of harp making is a prime example. The end of the old ways might seem sad to some, but it is also about passing the craft on to the next generation. It's about taking the baton on to the next generation, and expanding what the old master has done, because eventually the pupil should exceed the master, or the master has failed.

Computerisation mainly frees up drudgery (breaking the donkey work down) for the artisan who then has more time to be creative, which will eventually help improve the instrument. If this can give the youngster the buzz of creating, then it means the craft will survive. And although there is a danger that all the old ways might be replaced, generally human skill will always be needed for the soundboard and acoustics.

Youngsters brought up with computers can use skills the old artisan might not have, and that is great - it's a cross-fertilisation where the artisan needs the young apprentice, and the apprentice needs the artisan's skills - to make the partnership more balanced.

It's the way of the world, balancing the old with the new, and making sure that the best survives for the generations to come. But I suppose what is most important is not the tools used for the craft, but the passion behind it.

I've talked about achieving a state of bliss, but loving your job, or going after your passion in the workplace can add help to add meaning and purpose to your life. It makes sense that if you enjoy your work, you can be a happier person. It is necessary to focus more on being, rather than just doing, but if you love what you do, then you can love what you be.

Anyone can replicate products and services. Anyone can offer things for sale. Anyone can put up a website. Anyone can post notes on social media sites. Anyone can buy a success system and follow the step-by-step pattern. So why don't more people win at business?

Because they forget the "you" factor. They forget that at the heart of every successful business is a sales engine. There is a real, live human being that has discovered how to reach across the mail, email, websites, banners, billboards, and store fronts, and convince his fellow human being to pay him/her money for his/her wares.

This real, live human being has discovered that it is their unique insights, characteristics, and style that does the selling. Once they unlock the recipe for how to sell what they are offering, they can teach it to employees and replicate it.

But the first and most important job we have is to inject the "you" factor into the sales process.

You must discover the answer to this question: "Which, of all the selling approaches I could use, would I personally be best at putting to use based on my skills and talents?" Let me give you an example of how this works: When my twin flame started his own business, we went to a seminar by Bob Bly called "Selling Yourself".

Bob is a very smart fish. During those four days, Bob presented us with more than a dozen different techniques and strategies for marketing ourselves. He also brought in guest speakers to give us their perspective.

But, the most important thing Bob did was give us the underpinning principles of marketing ourselves. He not only told us "what" to do and "how" to do it - he told us "why". He then told us that in the real world, his ideas would not show up as they had in the seminar. Things would be different. We would need to adjust and adapt. We would need to personalise it to fit our unique style.

At the time, we did not realise how powerful this was or how wise Bob was in presenting it to us this way.

But, my twin flame took his advice to heart. He tried a number of different approaches. In the end, he found that his best success came in picking up the phone and calling people. He has a natural ability to create instant rapport with people in person and over the phone. People just like him and trust him when they meet him.

Over the course of hundreds of calls, he discovered a script and approach for closing deals. Today, he can close a consulting deal, almost at will, if he can speak on the phone or in person to someone.

Why? Because he combined proven sales tactics and strategies with his unique style and approach. He discovered the answer to his sales question and his business boomed.

Ways to sell your business

For this article I asked my twin flame to provide a short, simple list of ways he has seen people successfully market and sell profitably. All will work. But not all will work best for you and your business. Your task is to discover which ones will and focus on them until you master them.

• Direct mail
• TV ads
• Billboards
• Social Media
• Pay-Per-Click
• Door-to-door (yes, people are still getting wildly rich doing this)
• Telemarketing
• Retail
• Swap-meets, farmer's markets, and such
• SEO
• Magazines
• Video marketing
• Live events

What can you add to the list? There are many, many more approaches.

A powerful, upward cycle

Let me continue by giving you an outline of why it is so vital and rewarding for you to focus your unique abilities on discovering the best possible sales strategy for your business.

When you focus on discovering your unique ability to sell to your market, experts say a magical chain of events happens in your life and business.

• You specialize and begin to master your unique talents and skills.
• As you get better and better, you grow in confidence. Confidence is a key part of all success.
• Confidence gives you great doses of courage. Courageous people are always willing and able to do scary, "impossible" things. This separates them from the crowd.
• Doing scary, unique, uncomfortable things because you have courage allows you to produce unique results, products, and services.
• This draws people to you. People love new and unique and special. And, they pay for it!
• The more you focus on "just you" sort of tasks, the more money you make because you are specializing, growing in confidence, etc. People notice that and will pay you more for it.
• As you make more and focus on your strengths, you will sell more, grow in joy, peace, wealth, and fulfilment. It's fantastic!

There is no escaping that fact.

You see, I've always wanted to start my own business – a business that would empower the working mum. A business that would provide the tools for EVERY working mum to lead a healthier, wealthier, and more balanced life.

It is my belief that working mums have more influence on what our world will look like than any other single group of people. Plus, they have the responsibility to match.

But I already have a job. And not just any job. I have one of the best jobs in the world. But it is a passion of mine for the future that I am researching.

These are the three most valuable lessons I have learned thus far:

1. Less is more. A friend of mine recently left her corporate job to start her own marketing consulting firm. The first thing she did was find office space. I asked her why she was doing it. She told me that, with the real estate market in the dumps, space was a bargain. So she was able to rent space for $1,500 a month that normally went for three grand.

   But she did not stop there. She bought a desk, chair, filing cabinets, and a couch. She spent £5,000 before she wrote a sales letter or had a website built.

   After two months of trying, she finally landed her first client. That client is paying her a £2,000 a month retainer. You do the maths.

   Back in 2009, when my twin flame started his own business we did not have a library, den, or office, but still he did not go out and rent space. He converted our rarely used dining room into his office. (Heck, we're kitchen people anyway.) It overlooks a forest, and he find it very conducive to working. When he or I need a change of scenery, we take our laptops and sit out by the trees. He did not buy filing cabinets or print business cards. He had a really good computer and he understood the value of knowing how to use it to it's fullest.

2. Work on your business every day. When you are starting a brand-new business that is going to be your livelihood, there are no weekends. You don't get the day off because it is your wedding anniversary or your kid's birthday. You have to make sacrifices.

   Now does this mean my twin flame missed his loved ones' birthday? Of course not. But after I went to bed, he worked. He worked until he finished everything he needed to do. Sure, the goal of having your own business is to get it to the point where you are living your desired lifestyle. But this does not happen overnight.

   You must take your business seriously. For this very reason, I vowed that I would not work in my pyjamas. I still get up and get my bike ride in first thing in the morning. I then shower, dress, and dive into my work. My twin flame does the same.

   We don't stay in bed an extra hour or talk on the phone. We treat our work with respect. I know far too many "entrepreneurs" who are still in their pyjamas late in the afternoon. These are the people who are always asking why they are not doing as well as their competitors.

3. Know your market intimately. It's best if you are a member of your target market. If you are not personally in your target market, there are several things you can do to get yourself up to speed. Start with these:
   • Study your competition. Understand what they do and figure out how you can do it faster, better, and cheaper.
   • Use Amazon to get insider information about your prospective customers. Read reviews on products similar to the ones you are thinking of developing. Decide how you could address buyers' concerns and enhance the features and benefits they like.

These lessons alone will help you make more money and gain more flexibility in your business.

And this is important - my work speaks to my passion, but starting and cultivating a profitable business is important. And, managing that business while procuring flexibility adds tremendous value to your life.

As you can see all three sides of the triangle, money, passion and flexibility should be considered in starting and running your business. As your business grows the priorities will shift. Some days all three may share in equality. Some days one or two may take a strong lead. Just like all aspects of your life your business in continuously evolving.

Ultimately you'll discover that if you love what you do, what you do will love you.

Yours in love,

Love Means New Beginnings

If we look to the heavens, experts tell us that Friday was the beginning of a new time for all of us. It marked the start of a new millennium, so to speak. Even though it is not a new year, the stars and planets are aligned and things may seem as though they are changing rapidly these days.

We are told that this is part of some grand design, that this is all on purpose. Some believe it is marking a long countdown to our destruction, while some believe it marks the start of global change towards peace.

We all want peace and yet, it sometimes seems like it is not within reach. But some believe that even at this slow pace it will take 20 years to have world peace. That seems a long way off, but it is closer than it has ever been in our lifetime.

However, the future is uncertain, and we must focus on the present moment. It is time to awaken to new levels of purpose. We must continue to work on having peace within us and with all our neighbours. That energy will extend out into the world. When we are on purpose, we are better able to contribute to world peace.

Yesterday, May 21st, marked a new moon which is about new beginning as well. Perhaps, you are tired of new beginnings. However, they are a good thing. We can start from a clean slate and create whatever we want next. What is it that you want next?

One day, you may be struck by one of those legendary moments of clarity, like a bolt of lightning, and suddenly realise that you ned to drop everything and follow your real passions.

Sometimes, it seems like we can barely keep up with what is on our plate now. But our purpose and passion can continue to evolve and those of you who have been following the blog for a while, will have seen my work grow and change. Our purpose evolves as we do. Eventually all the pieces fit together.

Here are some tips to get an idea of what is going on with you:

• If you feel like you are stagnant, it is a sign that there is more for you to do ( i.e., a new level to your purpose is on the horizon).
• If you feel like you are unable to keep up with all that is being thrown your way, it is a sign to slow down and listen to what is priority. It is a good time to set better boundaries and maintain them. There may also be a new level to your purpose showing up, so it is important to take time to be still and trust that all can be handled in a time line that works for your soul.

When I discovered that procrastination was such a big obstacle to so many of my readers, I did not hesitate to get working on an article to help you. The bottom line is that when you spot an opportunity, or when you have the desire to make a change in your life, you must go to work immediately. Don't let anything get in your way.

If you are goal-orientated like me, always have lofty explicit goals and visualise them intensely. Assume the attitude that if you don't reach your goals, you will literally die! This type of gun-to-your-head forced focus, survival pressure mindset, no matter how briefly used, stimulates your mind, forces you to use your time effectively, and illuminates new ways of getting things done.

How to beat procrastination

It was a question I've been receiving almost every day since I opened my blog.

"What is the best way to deal with the issues of perfectionism and procrastination?" asked Wendy J in an email last week.

A few days later, Lukas F. wrote, "I'm looking for perfection with the stuff that I do, and that paralyzes the starting process. Any advice to get over the fact that starting something won't be perfect?"

And just one day earlier, Mary K. asked, "How do you maintain focus? I'm a polymath, and it can be a challenge to see things through. I struggle staying focused on a single project."

All of these questions speak to the same ubiquitous obstacle in the way of success for thousands of my readers, and millions of people around the world.

How can they beat procrastination?

When I look at all the folks asking me for help on this topic, I can't help but think, "Wow, just think of all the amazing accomplishments that would occur if all these people could just beat the procrastination monster. I have to do something about this."

Today, the problem is a multi-headed dragon more than ever before, a true mythological hydra. From constant social media updates to email addiction to multi-tasking on the multiple work projects you have, procrastination is easier than ever.

Cut off one head and another appears.

There are few proven solutions, but they do exist. It takes a little bit of planning and a lot of knowing your strengths and weaknesses, so that you can leverage what works and minimize what doesn't. But one word of warning, be careful with your planning techniques and keep them simple, because too often I see my readers turn planning into its own perverse form of procrastination.

If procrastination is an issue for you, then let's change that starting right now. Don't wait a minute longer in learning how to tame the beast. Let's start by looking at what I do.

Reading mails from my readers are my favourite part of the workday, but I don't do them until I've gotten one big project done in my day.

Each morning I get up and go directly to writing. I force myself to sit at my kitchen table for 60 minutes, practically glueing my butt to my chair in order to crank out valuable content each day.

For example, this article was scheduled to be written between 4am and 5am yesterday. The article had to be completed before I was able to go for my bike ride in the country, for my morning workout.

In order to finish my mission, I forced myself to sit in my chair without the distractions of social media, internet surfing, or text messages (not that many of my friends are even up at this time anyway – one of the benefits of being early to rise).

Sometimes sitting in that chair is uncomfortable. You may feel you want to quit. Heck, you might even feel you don't even want to start. But each word typed is a victory. Each sentence a battle won. Each paragraph is a huge step in conquering the procrastination demon.

For me it's easier because this is my passion, but I also knew there was no other time in my schedule for finishing this article. But because I know when my magic time is, and because I understand the power of the deadline, I knew that I would be able to take action and get this done - almost robotically - during the allotted sixty minutes. This is the benefit of knowing your strengths and leveraging them.

If you write in such instances, at first you may find the words struggle to find their proper place on the page, but the only thing that makes writing easier is more writing. That's the big lesson. Action begets action.

It's what you'll find with all activities that you are procrastinating on. Scientific research supports it. The only thing that helps you overcome procrastination is to actually do the thing you are procrastinating about. That's it. You must take action. You may need to do so robotically. It may be unpleasant, but that's why you're procrastinating, isn't it?

Action is the simplest way to avoid procrastination. Get up and throw yourself into the battle. You must know your top priority and attack it with great energy.

This, of course, is not a magic silver bullet answer. After all, it's not so much that you don't know what to do, it's that you have a hard time putting the knowledge into practice.

The solutions are simple. We should get up early, work hard, and avoid things that waste time in our lives. Yes, it is easier said than done, but to be honest, reading another time management book is not the answer.

The real answer is that we must force ourselves to do the work. We must avoid the "chattering mind". It's really that simple. In order to get something done, you must first get started. In order to complete the project, you must do everything that needs to get done. It's not rocket science. It's persistence.

How do you end procrastination? Just start. There's no other answer. In fact, that was the scientific conclusion of a 'how to beat procrastination' research study I once read.

Don't let information gathering become your procrastination. Don't let planning become your procrastination. If you're like me, implement more structure into your life and you'll get more done and you'll have more freedom. I promise you.

In the end, the decision to move to action comes from what some experts describe as "behavioural congruence". This means that you act in accordance with what you want to accomplish.

For example, if you say that you want to be on time for work every day, but you stay up well past an appropriate bedtime and you don't have your morning routine planned out, and you hit the snooze button five times, none of that is acting in behavioural congruence with your goals.

Frankly, most people just don't think about behavioural congruence. They are reactive, instead of being proactive.

You can start to solve this problem by creating a clear set of personal philosophies that guide your life.

At the risk of giving you another opportunity to procrastinate, create your own personal philosophy list. This list of "rules" (you can also call them the "big ideas" for your life) will help you guide your decisions and actions. They will help you live behaviourally congruent with your goals. They will reduce stress and improve performance.

Your personal philosophies are the core foundation of your success and will guide you towards a life well lived. The most successful people I know all have their own personal philosophies, whether they know it or not.

Make it easy on yourself by writing yours down. These rules for living will help you kick procrastination to the curb and will improve your time management because the list will identify what is important to you.

Get started there, and then continuously work to improve your behavioural congruence in all aspects of your life.

Naturally everyone is different, but it is from this structure that you will have more freedom in your life. It sounds paradoxical, but I assure you, the better the rules you have in place for your life, the more freedom you will ultimately achieve.

No matter what the world throws at you today, believe you are going to handle it awesomely and you are going to emerge from the day a better and stronger person. There's no better time than the present to start sky-rocketing towards unlimited success in the specific areas of your life you desire to improve. Imagine what could be possible in your life if you tapped into your passion?

Because passion always means new beginnings.

Yours in love,

Add Love to Your Life

“With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now.”
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

As humans we have a gift that some would say sets us above all the other creatures on our planet. We have the gift of thought, of reasoning, of understanding, of a highly developed brain - but some of us cease to develop when we struggle for petty comforts, and false security.

Because there is no time for thought in such a lifestyle, we lose sight of the truth. That the right to life is there for us to use not just to admire figuratively from a distance. That we can evolve beyond hatred, revenge and the desire for power, where the mind can be trained to cast off barriers between the flesh and the spirit to join together balanced in a harmonious whole.

I remember reading a paranormal story about a real documented event during the First World War, where a group of French soldiers see a strange light in the sky on the battlefield that causes them to drop their weapons and walk away from the fight. They were nearly shot for desertion until it was discovered that the same thing had happened to the German forces. Within 24 hours similar reports were coming from all over Europe.

No one was ever sure what happened in the sky on that dark November night, but 1,000 men did sense or see something - they caught sight of an unexplained truth. In any event, it is a matter of public record that for a while men could not kill each other. And in the end, if all the accounts are false, that is miracle enough.

Some are even worried that our attraction to violence will bring about the end of our civilisation as we know it. There are countless theories as to the end of our world, and one of the most popular ones has undoubtedly been the Long Countdown of the Maya. Although the National Geographic has published an article about the finding of an unprecedented Maya mural that contradicts the 2012 "Doomsday" myth, many still believe that on December the 21st in 2012 the world will end.

Excavations have shown that the Maya had a highly developed philosophy of the cosmos. They saw the cosmos as the true mother of things. Consequently, the Maya thought the cosmos is all around us, and within us. Every plant, every animal, every man is sheer Cosmos.

Within this context some have put a positive spin on the end of the world. It has prompted New Age philosophers to say:

December the 21st in 2012 will be the day on which this inner cosmos is reconnected to the divine outer cosmos. The Sun will mount its unique position to form a gateway between the Universe and the souls of every living creature on Earth. Our linear conception of time will crumble, and with it, fear and hatred will vanish. It will be purification at it's very best, when everyone is soaked in cosmic understanding and divine love.

So there it is: on December the 20th, you'll kick your dog, yell at your spouse and cheat on cards. But a day later, you'll be calmed down into a peaceful person with nothing but love and understanding to guide you in life. Even though it's mid-winter, it'll be summer of love for all humanity.

Sometimes it can seem we live in a world where the real and unreal live side by side, where substance is disguised as illusion and the only explanations are unexplainable. But to separate truth from fantasy we have to break through the web of experience and open our mind to things beyond our belief. We need to keep an open mind, because sometimes from a distance our eyes can still lie to us even though we know the truth. Sometimes our eyes see what we are meant to see, or only what we believe exists.

Some things can seem so unusual to our perception that perhaps even the words true and false seem inadequate. In some instances, may be we shouldn't say if something is true or not, but simply beyond our belief - because our dreams can turn to reality when we change our belief system.

It would be great if we could all be given an instruction manual for life when we're born, but that's not the way things are. What we can be certain of, however, is that narrow minds and ignorance breed fear, conformity, immorality. These are heavy burdens, great drainers of creative energy, and when we are drained of creative energy we do not create. Even when we procreate we do not create. Everything we do seems lifeless and dull.

Life is about discovery

We live in a vast amazing world where so many things happen that we don't know or understand, and throughout our life journey we constantly seek personal answers to timeless questions. For example, I love science; it cannot quantify everything but it opens up a wonderful universe of possibilities and probabilities to help us in our quest to get to the heart of the world around us.

I love to learn new things and to go on a walk of discovery through the mind; it makes every day feel like opening a new present of "What's going to happen today?" that I get to explore and discover. And when we share our stories of discoveries the potential is reborn for someone else to discover them anew.

I love learning because it makes me better. The better I get, the closer I get to my goals. The better love coach I become and the more people I can help. That is one of my greatest passions.

During the period I was unhappy with my life, I realised I was caught up in this situation or environment because of me. This isn't about blame, but if you've surrounded yourself with negative belief systems (whether this be negative people, negative situations, etc.) that it will get you into alignment with the unhappy state you're in. The way to change this is to creating a vision that inspires you.

You have to take time (even if it seems like a waste of time) to do the things you love everyday. Shifting your vibrations into a state of bliss and passion has a very powerful effect. The more that you can stay in that state, the more your environment will change.

Discover your passions.

You have to do something to make yourself feel good and be okay with that and not feel guilty about it - you're supposed to feel good and enjoy it. And work towards something that really inspires you - I can't stress that enough - following your passion is what it's all about. Take time everyday to honour your passions, and put time into them, and you will see that things will start to change for the better in your life.

When you align everything you do during the day with your passion, then every goal and every dream you have becomes a reality. Magical things begin to happen when you know the next level of your higher purpose and are in alignment with it - that there is no inner conflict about moving forward.

It has been said that when you follow your bliss, success (be it in whatever form you want - money, love, self-improvement) will follow. This is often true. However, you also need to be in complete resonance with your path and have a template to follow to market it in a way that resonates with your soul.

This is a type of magic that doesn't just magically fall into your lap (although as you progress it might seem to do so as things will get easier and easier for you) but it's a type of magic that needs you to act.

Your higher purpose will resonate with you completely, yet you may just have some fears about it. I hope that if you've been hesitating on taking the first step toward the real you, you can remove all of your roadblocks and fears to get busy living.

Taking the first step isn't always easy. Many people carry mental/emotional "wounds" from prior traumatic life events. Healing from these events requires support, and great mental and physical courage to take that first step to overcome them. It takes a complete transformation of your mindset during the devastating times in your life, to allow you to move on with your life by forgiving the people or situations who have hurt you in the past. If you don't do that then you will carry your problems with you. If you let hurt or traumas take hold, then it's an open door for the darkness of fear to come in and find you. You don't want to live a lifestyle of fear. You're better than that.

We live in a society where we're are bombarded with advice that it would be good for people or society to resort to mass medication for lifestyle issues. But pill-popping won't solve our underlying problems.

We can often find ourselves in situations that just don't make sense to us, because many people who claim to offer us solutions confuse us with jargon that blurs the meaning for the wider audience.

Love makes you aware

As I mentioned in my "Love Sets You Free" post, everyone has a view - good or bad. But what is important that you figure out your own view and reconfigure it for success. This is a simple but important rule for life itself. Figure things out and then sort them out - because the freedom to figure things out for yourself is the only real freedom you have. Or at least it's the one freedom that underpins all others.

But the answers don't come easily. To know how to sort your life out, you need to heal your mind. When you have a clear route to your mind, then you can listen out to your heart and trust your instincts on the choices you make that will attract or repel success (in all areas) to your life.

When we act on instinct, it is sometimes mistakenly thought we don't think first - for example children and kittens affect our emotions, most of us would not think to pass by a child in danger. It is instinctive, we say. And for women, the maternal instinct is sometimes the strongest instinct there is when it comes to protecting the young.

But the instinct I'm talking about is intuition - which is based on contemplation. It is the ability to acquire knowledge without inference or the use of reason; some of us call it an inner voice that speaks to us from the seat of emotion we call the heart. This is another trait that traditionally women are said to have, but we all have an inner voice that speaks to us irrelevant of gender, if we know how to tune the mind to connect with it.

Is the heart like a brain?

When we use our intuition, it is not that we don't think first, but that we don't make a decision just by the logic of reasoning. Because life can defy logic. Sometimes when we have to make a choice, it's best we don't think too much, but go with instincts that has probably acquired more relevant knowledge through our experiences. When we use intuitive reasoning to make our choices, we're using information which is locked in our subconscious and so we might not understand how or why it works - or where it comes from. But sometimes we just have to go with our gut feeling.

If we work at using our intuition consciously, by learning how to listen to our inner voice and link up to the subconscious, then this is a powerful partnership which can not only bring you success in life, but dramatically change your life in ways you can't begin to imagine.

Now, what I'm going to tell you next today is the part of the "you" factor where you become more successful than you thought possible in your life. I have mentioned this "you" factor before - where you are the most important factor in your life.

But this "you" factor isn't about being selfish. Most people who fail have an ego issue. We need to be aware that it's our thoughts and actions that attract the situations into our lives, and our ego can be a block to that awareness - and can even be a block to positive thoughts and actions. Love is the biggest incentive to overcoming our ego, but true love doesn't do this at the expense of our self-awareness.

I have talked about the importance of being aware in my "Align Your Life with Love" post, and you will read in many material to do with spiritual awakening that we need to be more consciously aware, and be more in the moment. For example, one of the aims of enjoying better sex with a trusting partner in tantric sex is that partners become more consciously aware of the sexual energy they are cultivating between them to create a harmonious oneness as they make love. Plus, great sex is one of the greatest ways to take a happy pill!

Thus to be the navigator of your life, you need to lose your ego, and become more self-aware - aware that you are the creator of your life story.

If there is one thing you could do right now to facilitate change in your life, it's to find your passion, that thing that lights you up and spend time every day doing that. It's almost like a meditative process to spend time in your state of bliss.

This is a state where all the negative stuff falls away and you're present and aware in the moment. It is during such times when inspiration will come, and you can take action on it without questioning it and without analysing it. You can just trust the universe is giving you something that is in resonance and in alignment with that state of passion you're feeling when you're doing the things you enjoy.

If you want your life to be filled with more of that feeling, do it more, honour it, and your intuition will tell you where to go in alignment with the universe.

You have to reprogram your belief system for this to work. Do my 90 day mind healing programme to release resistance and get rid of negative emotions, and these things will fall away once you get into alignment with you who are meant to be on this planet. If you're not clear what your passion is, take some time to get clear. What is it you really enjoy? What lights you up? Spend a little bit more time each day doing that and just watch what happens.

Live a life of passion. Discover your passion and create a lifestyle around that passion. Live in the moment, and live for the moment. Don't worry about the past, or the uncertainty of the future, ground yourself in the certainty of the moment. That's all there is.

Add passion to your life

I've mentioned before that you need to find your bliss and live a life of passion in my "Get on Track with Love" post, because the answer to changing our life lies in achieving a state of bliss.

I was lucky. Early in my teenage years I knew what I wanted my life to look like, and I went about designing it from that day. If you didn't get started early on lifestyle design, the best you can do is start now.

You can't change your genetics, but you can change your attitude, your persistence, your environment, the people you listen to and hang around with, and the things you do. You can change, so if you want to, just get started by adding some passion to your daily routine.

I am passionate about working hard, because I believe that hard work validates us, even though we can programme our brain to make us achieve success with what seems like no effort at all. But for others, they don't want the hard work. When I first read Tim Ferriss' book, The 4-Hour Workweek, I was pretty sucked in. Who wouldn't want to work for only 4 hours a week? As it turns out, I wouldn't.

I derive a lot of meaning and pleasure from working hard. For me, creating something and sharing it with others makes me feel good. It is what I like to do. But that's just me. And that's the point.

Designing your life means designing your life. Comments, questions and criticisms from others, while helpful, are largely irrelevant. They can only guide. The only thing that matters is how you want your life to go.

I would say you need to know where to focus and be clear as to what it is you really want to map out your life.

I've found that working out your driving forces in your life is the best way to start re-programming your mind for success. I provided an exercise in a previous post that helps identify these forces, as well as helping you to take advantage of the same forces to get real enjoyment out of the things you know are good for you (but you might not necessarily like to do).

I've talked a lot about defining our goals, and the idea of having concrete, achievable goals is deeply ingrained in our culture. I know I lived with goals for many years, and in fact a big part of my writing is about how to set and achieve goals - but this won't be right for everyone.

All people are different. Sometimes your plan is to have no plan; that's why my mind healing programme works so well, you tailor it to your individual needs, because success will mean mean different things to all of us.

Click here to rewire your mindset for success!

For instance, some experts believe the best goal is no goal. But even if your view on goal setting is slightly different, the bottom line on how you should live your life is the same, whether you choose to set goals or not. It's about being aware enough to add passion to your life. As one reader who wrote in to tell me, explains:

The problem with goals for me was that in the past, I'd set a goal or three for the year, and then sub-goals for each month. Then I'd figure out what action steps to take each week and each day, and try to focus my day on those steps.

Unfortunately, it never, ever works out this neatly. You all know this. You know you need to work on an action step, and you try to keep the end goal in mind to motivate yourself. But this action step might be something you dread, and so you procrastinate. You do other work, or you check email or Facebook, or you goof off.

And so your weekly goals and monthly goals get pushed back or side-tracked, and you get discouraged because you have no discipline. And goals are too hard to achieve. So now what? Well, you review your goals and reset them. You create a new set of sub-goals and action plans. You know where you're going, because you have goals!

Of course, you don't actually end up getting there. Sometimes you achieve the goal and then you feel amazing. But most of the time you don't achieve them and you blame it on yourself.

These days, I live without goals, for the most part. It's absolutely liberating, and contrary to what you might have been taught, it absolutely doesn't mean you stop achieving things. It means you stop letting yourself be limited by goals.

Consider this common belief: "You'll never get anywhere unless you know where you're going." This seems like common sense, and yet it's obviously not true if you stop to think about it. Conduct a simple experiment: go outside and walk in a random direction, and feel free to change directions randomly. After 20 minutes, an hour... you'll be somewhere! It's just that you didn't know you were going to end up there.

And there's the rub: you have to open your mind to going places you never expected to go. If you live without goals, you'll explore new territory. You'll learn some unexpected things. You'll end up in surprising places. That's the beauty of this philosophy, but it's also a difficult transition.

Today, I live mostly without goals. Now and then I start coming up with a goal, but I'm letting them go. Living without goals hasn't ever been an actual goal of mine... it's just something I'm learning that I enjoy more, that is incredibly freeing, that works with the lifestyle of following my passion that I've developed.

In the end, I usually end up achieving more than if I had goals, because I'm always doing something I'm excited about. But whether I achieve or not isn't the point at all: all that matters is that I'm doing what I love, always.

There's no limit, because I'm free. I end up in places that are wonderful, surprising, great. I just didn't know I would get there when I started."

To be frank, this reader reminds me of my twin flame, he doesn't set himself goals, either. I need the structure of milestones that mark my life, so I have points of reference - but being aware means acknowledging that everyone is different, and will find their own path to their vision. In fact, just following your passion is a goal in itself. Even if you set yourself no other goals, that one will give your life the direction it needs.

Here's the secret: if a system doesn't work for you, the problem isn't you, it's the system! And for some people, goals can be a system are set up for failure if they are perceived as limiting.

When you set yourself a goal, even when you do things exactly right, it's not ideal. Here's why: you are extremely limited in your actions. When you don't feel like doing something, you have to force yourself to do it. Your path is chosen, so you don't have room to explore new territory. You have to follow the plan, even when you're passionate about something else.

This is why I feel identifying your driving forces is so important, as using them will help make achieving your goals more flexible. However, my twin flame would say that although some goal systems are more flexible, nothing is as flexible as having no goals.

So what does a life without goals look like? In practice, it's very different than one with goals.

How it works for my twin flame is this: You don't set a goal for the year, nor for the month, nor for the week or day. You don't obsess about tracking, or actionable steps. You don't even need a to-do list, though it doesn't hurt to write down reminders if you like.

What do you do, then? Lay around on the couch all day, sleeping and watching TV and eating junk food? No, you simply do. You find something you're passionate about, and do it. Just because you don't have goals doesn't mean you do nothing – you can create, you can produce, you can follow your passion. My twin flame follows his passion, he just doesn't follow it with goals.

And in practice, it can be a wonderful thing: you wake up and do what you're passionate about. And some days I take a leaf out of his book. For me, that's usually blogging, but it can be writing a new chapter to a current novel or an ebook, or my next book or creating a course to help others or connecting with incredible people or spending time with my loved ones.

People who can feel pressured by focusing on achieving something, can feel liberated by focusing on just the doing. I'm more of a person that enjoys feeling a sense of achievement, and I am goal-orientated, because I find I have a habit of goofing off without goals. But everyone is different, and sometimes using a different route to get to where you want to go can be exciting.

Design your lifestyle to suit you

If designing your life is an important priority for you, then the first step is to make sure that your goals, priorities and ideals for that life are in fact yours.

Most of us start out life playing defence. That means we spend most of our time living up to other's expectations of us. Living like that doesn't leave a lot of room for "lifestyle design" because frankly, you outsource that function to someone else - to everyone else actually.

Given the history of those scenarios, one of its weaknesses is that we sometimes fall back into "dealing with what life dishes out" to us instead of actively creating our future.

This is irresponsible; and believe me I know because I was like that once. I know that sounds weak, but it's the truth. I reveal things like this on my blog, because it provides instant accountability for me. By telling a few hundred thousand people, I'm inspired to become a better version of myself. It may seem weird, but it works for me.

And if you're going to go to the trouble of designing your life the way you want it, then make sure you are clear about what you actually want. This means cutting yourself off from the negative influence of what others might think about your decisions. You have squash your need to "keep up with the Joneses" or anyone else, for that matter.

The biggest reason is that there's a good chance the average person just isn't interested in living life in the way that will make you happy. So to look to them for anything is not helpful.

And so we go in search of people who do exhibit various levels of mastery in their lives. And that's when things can get even worse.

It's easy to look around at the lives of others and just accept that what they want for their life has anything to do with what you should want for yours. It's easy to be enamoured by someone's dedication to an ideal and think that you should exhibit that kind of dedication. It's easy to be impressed by the material wealth of someone and think you should have that too.

This is living life from the outside in, if you ask me. And I think that is a mistake. It serves as nothing except a good reminder of what not to do.

Yes, we need mentors in our lives. Yes, we need guidance. Yes, we need inspiring role models. But we need inspiration to live our own lives, not live our lives following others.

My twin flame's daddy gave him some great advice on how to stand as a giant among men. He was of the firm belief that the only really responsible way to live life is to have the guts to live it exactly as you want.

Don't want to make a million dollars? That's your choice. Don't want to work 80 hours a week to be "successful?" Again, it's up to you.

Want to wake up and spend 6 hours a day playing with your children while they're young enough to still want to be seen with you? Go ahead.

To the average person, living your life with such blatant "disregard" for others might be interpreted as an extreme example of selfishness. But to the average person, talking about the weather and what they had for dinner last night is interesting. To me, having the guts and the clarity to live life as you see fit makes you a giant among men, or among women as the case may be.

The point is that your unique value as a human being deserves a unique expression in the world. And to do that, you need to live with what a blatant disregard for the negative thoughts and opinions of others if you're going to be a good steward of your gifts.

As I sit here writing this, I can hear the soft breathing of my sleeping loved ones around the house. Dawn is on the horizon of another beautiful day. This is how I want to live my life. I sit here and think, write and sell things. As the years go by, my vision for exactly how that's supposed to look for me improves. My clarity improves. My focus improves too.

I won't lie. When we follow our own vision, there will be certain days that the fact that some people think you're nuts will get to you. But on our best days, we simply don't care.

The hardest thing about "lifestyle design" isn't actually the doing of it. It's the pre-work that comes before the doing that can be challenging. To get the right design for you, you have to be honest with yourself and respect yourself. What you want is valid. Period.

Understand that your decisions are your decisions. Understand that your path is your path. And know that your purpose is to spend your days walking that path as you see fit, no matter where it takes you.

As long as you add passion and love to your life, that, to me, is a life well lived.

Yours in love,

Love is Creative

“Creativity takes courage.”
— Henri Matisse

Those of us that make love a priority in our lives know that love is all about being creative. But what actually inspires our creativity?

I was at a recent seminar where the main guest speaker was describing how our brain works in terms of creativity. It is a fascinating subject, and the whole group loved this session. In a coinciding spate of recent letters, readers have been asking me how I foster my imagination to create so much content for my blog. So, I thought for today's article I'd explain how I help sustain what I call "idea generation".

I'm lucky. Creativity comes relatively easy to me. Unfortunately, a lot of folks struggle with idea generation. When learning how to be creative, you need to realise there is no such thing as a good idea unless it is developed and utilised. So let's take a look at the techniques I use to create content.

If we dig deep inside my brain, there will be a few things you might take away (just don't take my medulla oblongata – I need that for breathing). Apply these habits to maximise your daily output and minimise your daily stress.

The first thing I do when I get up is to scribble down all of my ideas. My brain is full of them first thing in the morning. I also get up early because that is when I am most creative. This early morning spurt of creativity is called my magic time, and my life is designed to leverage the ability to get more work done in a concentrated period of time first thing in the morning. Early to bed, early to rise works wonders for me.

Click here for 5 ways to be more creative.

It is something worth trying for yourself. At the very least you need to identify when you are most creative each day. You need to design your life to reach your goals based on what you know about your strengths and weaknesses.

If you work best in the morning, get up early. If you work best at night, clear your social schedule and use that time to write (or whatever it is you want to do).

You can even getting in the habit of "training the subconscious" to come up with ideas overnight. Some mornings I'll wake up with practically an entire article written in my brain. I continue to refine the idea while I pet my cats for a few minutes, and then I roll out of bed and rush to my computer to spill my subconscious upon the screen. Some of the most popular Mickie Kent posts I've written have been finished in just fifteen minutes this way.

You can even train your brain to bring you the answers during a nap. You simply put in a "request" to your brain when you go to sleep, giving it a problem to solve. I'm not joking.

For example, let's say you're having trouble with a headline for your sales letter or Yellow Pages ad. Read the headline and review the principles of great headlines and sales copy before you go to sleep. Then tell your brain to come up with something better while you sleep. You should wake up with a good idea in the morning.

Don't believe that this can work? Our brains work in mysterious ways. However, we can identify these mysterious methods and do our best to harness their power, even though we may not truly understand how it works.

What most people don't do, however, is identify their best creative techniques and maximise the time spent on them. That's what separates massive content creation machines – such as Stephen King – from people who struggle to write a five-page newsletter each month.

Secrets of creativity

More on creativity at Mickie Kent Survive Creatively with Love Love Your Imagination Love-Zap Your Stress

The first step in becoming more creative is identifying when and where you get your best ideas, as well as your magic time for turning those ideas into finished concepts.

Like most people, I get a lot of great ideas when I take a walk. The scientific explanation for this is that our brains are able to work in a different way than when we try to come up with an idea while sitting at our regular work station. This is why we get ideas and can solve complex problems in random places, such as in the shower or while out for a walk, or while sitting under an apple tree (to which Mr Isaac Newton will agree).

According to some experts, the key to creativity is not caffeine and intense focus, but instead a state of relaxation. The explanation is simple. It's not until we're relaxed (e.g., in the shower) that we're able to turn the spotlight of attention inwards and find the quiet voice in the back of our head that is trying to give us the answer.

My top tip for getting inspired is when you feel stuck on a problem, take a break. I always interrupt work with a relaxing activity to let the mind turn inward and problem solve.

Some experts also recommend making new friends that are different from you, as well as living in a city (as the increased interactions you'll have with strangers will be good for your creativity).

What makes people highly creative?

Creativity and intelligence seem to be different processes on the outside, and when we look at the structure of the brain to see what makes people highly creative, it seems to suggest this might be true. Scientists say creativity and intelligence are not the same thing; there is overlap between the two, but they are somewhat different constructs from each other. There is something very different going on in the brain of people who are creative, as opposed to people who are acting intelligent.

For some time scientists have understood the basic neural mechanisms of intelligence; it's about the fast and efficient firing of neurons in the grey matter. The mystery is what's happening when you come up with creative ideas. This is where studies have started to reveal differences between the two. Studies have shown that there is indeed a difference in the brain structure of highly creative people. It's about the white matter.

Each of us has 150,000 km of connections in the brain, known as white matter fibre tracts, an intricate wiring system that connects regions of your brain - acting like "roadways" to connect up different neural networks. What studies show is that, unlike intelligence where more white matter biochemistry is invariably better, in creativity the opposite appears to be true. Less seems to be better in higher levels of creativity.

But why should less white matter mean more creativity? It is thought that this cognitive slow down makes it more likely for ideas to connect with each other, and seems to be the mechanism that underlies creative thinking. It's all, in a sense, about speed.

For intellectual functioning, the research is showing that information is travelling through the shortest, quickest pathway that it can get from one point to another. Creativity is different. It's not about speed and efficiency; creativity is slow and meandering. Creativity takes the scenic route, or the less travelled road, to find inspiration.

It would be wrong to think, however, that it is brain structure alone that made you creative, but studies have shown that there is a neurological basis for creative thinking - thinking that is "out of the box" and not based on intelligence or logic. One of the intriguing things about creativity, is that it exists in everybody in both high and low levels. In one way or another, creative talent is something we all have.

Read more about the brain.

Most people might not describe themselves as artists, but if they think about their daily behaviour, most of it is unscripted and improvised. None of us actually plan what we're going to do every second, and you don't have to be a top notch jazz musician to be good at improvisation. Scientists think that creativity in a nutshell is probably a combination of ordinary mental processes combined in ways we hadn't described before, which allows us to gain insight and generate new ideas.

One discovery has been that frontal lobe activity decreases when we switch to improvise. A main role of the large area at the front of the brain (the region some believe makes us human) is in conscious self-monitoring, watching what you do and say. Studies have shown that this area requires to be shut-down a little to take risks when improvising, the opposite of when you are focused to make sure you don't make mistakes. The front lobes seem to decrease when you switch from a memorised non-creative component, to a generative improvised component.

Different improvised art forms (like jazz, rap, street artists) all seem to share this same processing of the brain, and some scientists have put forward the theory that once the specific area is discovered and enhanced, all humans might become better at being creative.

So, is there a deep well of creative potential that lies within us all? Scientists agree it will take decades to consolidate evidence for any definitive answer, but all agree that it is an important topic to pursue.

How can we be more creative?

As scientists try to unlock the mysteries to what makes us creative, their studies have revealed the connected but different processes of insight, creative or "divergent thinking" and improvising, but crucially they've revealed there is indeed a neural correlate of creativity - a signature of creativity in our brain. And this research is crucial to making all of us more creative.

One theory is that new and unexpected experiences can boost your creativity. Altering out cognitive habits, gaining experiences that open up our minds, can help disrupt our functional fixedness - a mental block where your thinking gets stuck in a rut. Doing this will help to make new connections between concepts, because it is believed that unexpected and unusual experiences make us think more flexibly and creatively. Exposing ourselves to new experiences can help us to think differently, and broach problems in a different way.

But how can we apply this to our everyday lives? A disruption of a normal pattern of thought or behaviour (known as a schema-violation) is said to boost our creativity. Therefore looking for a new way to do everyday things - like making a sandwich for lunch for example - will force us to think differently and overcome functional fixedness. This will help you make new associations between concepts, which is really important for creativity. It's about disrupting any routine to give ourselves room for creativity.

Click here to change 6 negative habits.

The effect of changing your routines, changes your brain. Well travelled neural pathways are abandoned, forcing new connections to be made between brain cells. And that means more new and original ideas.

But why do we have our best ideas when we least expect them? This is one of the most enduring mysteries of creativity. Mind wandering seems to facilitate the creative process; but not all mind wandering is equal. Studies gave shown that mind wandering broken up by engaging in non-demanding tasks seems to be more functional than the mind wandering that happens when you do absolutely nothing.

Thus, if you want to come up with a creative solution to a problem, don't just do nothing - do something undemanding instead. Scientists don't know exactly why that is, but one reason put forward is that some type of unconscious combination of doing an undemanding task and thinking about the problem at hand is beneficial for creativity.

This evidence suggests we have a good excuse to walk away from a problem; if you're stumped over something, the advice is to take a break and allow the unconscious processes to take a hold. But the type of break seems important, too. Rather than just sitting doing nothing, taking a walk, or taking a shower or doing some gardening - something that is not especially demanding but still occupies your mind while enabling the mind to wander - is best. The research does underline the notion that if you want to be more creative, it's best not to be too focused all the time.

Use focus to create awareness.

Doing some physical activity where your mind can wander freely is not a new concept; Beethoven liked to take a long walk when thinking about music, for example. Mind wandering has a lot of history in creativity, but scientists are beginning to understand just why it is so effective. One study in this area has shown changes in the frontal lobe of the brain, a kind of temporary sleep mode, allowing some of ideas from the subconscious to percolate through the critical gateway into the concious awareness more readily.

Accumulative studies repeatedly show that the frontal lobes on both sides of the brain play a powerful gate-keeping role in our creativity. This temporary brain state of being open to creativity is actually something we can easily induce. People can get to a state of temporarily down regulating their frontal lobes in a variety of ways, whether it be meditation, a long run or a bath, and allow creative ideas to flow.

Read about the power of meditation.

Moreover, scientists have discovered that some people are naturally hypo-frontal, their frontal lobes a little less active all of the time. People who tend to solve problems with insight, therefore, are thought to have a lower base level of frontal activity. In other words, their frontal lobes are not controlling them or focusing them as much.

This transient dip in frontal lobe activity is what helps you lose your inhibitions when you improvise, too, and what's going on in the brain, when people are having creative moments, is thought to be different brain activity doing all sorts of things at once. Scientists haven't located the ultimate source of creativity, but it appears that it is the frontal lobe of the brain, with its ability to release its mental handcuffs, that's at the forefront of current research.

For centuries creativity has been considered a subject off limits to scientists; it seemed too elusive and subjective to be studied. Creativity, music, art, improvisation - all these things are magical to experience, but they are not magic. They happen because we have brains that function in a certain way that allow us to do these things. These experiences are transformative - profound, unforgettable life-changing experiences - but that doesn't mean they can't be explained.

However, although we are getting close to a theory of creativity and how it's manifested in the brain, for all science has revealed, we are still a long way from a complete understanding of creativity. But while we wait for that unified picture to emerge, we can at least all become a bit more creative.

Unfortunately, ideas that come to us in the shower or while out on walks often turn into slippery little fishes. Don't you just hate when you have a ground-breaking idea one second and then as soon as you're towelling off, you forget it?

You could, as one reader suggested, use children's waterproof crayons to write ideas on a whiteboard in your shower. That seems a little bizarre even for me. Instead, I've developed a couple of strategies to capturing my ideas while on a short walk.

First, I limit myself to three ideas when I have a shower or take a long walk without a notepad. Each idea is assigned to one of my fingers (yes, I know, I have 5 fingers, but I don't give one to my thumb or pinky). As soon as I've filled up all of my fingers, I keep on repeating the ideas while pointing the finger I've assigned it to. Sure, it sounds odd, but that way, I don't forget the ideas. And while sometimes I end up getting dressed with soap still in my hair, I can always go back and wash it off. A lost idea however, is often lost for good.

The second way to capture those ideas might be a bit more practical. Just put a pen and paper on the sink and step out and scribble them down as quickly as possible, and make sure to carry a notepad – or smartphone – with you on your creative walks. I usually record voice memos.

Scribble down your ideas as soon as they come to you in that original format. That's an essential part of capturing the essence of creativity. It's the particular articulation of a good idea that matters.

Armed with these simple tips on how the brain works, you can teach yourself to be more creative and maximise your idea generation environment. Innovation can be nurtured and encouraged by our habits. All you need to do is be a little creative in designing your life and workday to maximise your idea generation.

Be a good talker

Another side to the idea of interacting with a lot of people to boost creativity is it helps us practice the art of conversation. Because our reluctance to express ourselves better can make it tough to reach out to new friends.

For most of human history, face-to-face communication was the core of our interaction. But not today. We text, we email, we blog, we friend each other on social networks. In the new age of electronic media, family and friends converse less than ever. As a result, we miss out on one of life's singular pleasures: a relaxed, civilised exchange of views through voice.

Conversation offers infinite possibilities. It is great for polishing thoughts and generating new ones. It is unbeatable for beating the blues or forging friendships. The ultimate bond of all personal relationships – whether in business, friendship or marriage – is conversation.

Yet two opposing attitudes pull us away from it. The first is the mistaken belief that it is unnecessary. Why bother making the call or the visit when you can fire off an email? Unfortunately, text has difficulty conveying tone – the most important aspect of any communication. As well, think how much is conveyed with a smile, a glance, a wink, an eye roll or an arched eyebrow. You really can't compare it with a smiley face can you? I use the :) symbol, but it has its place - and that isn't to replace real speak.

The opposite attitude is that conversation is too much work. So we don't really try. Look around the typical home today and you see not faces but the backs of heads. As we stare blankly into our electronic screens, the art of personal interaction is dying.

Yet, there are good reasons to exercise our conversational skills.

Society provides lavish rewards to those who express themselves well. (Studies show that no single factor better predicts your future income than the size of your vocabulary.) Good talkers routinely ace the interview, get the contract, close the deal, win the girl (we ladies like a man with charm). Get on with others and you will get on in life – and enjoy it more.

There is a widespread misconception that the best conversationalists are the smoothest talkers. Not so. (Indeed, glib talk generally comes off as phony or insincere.) And few of us will ever display the conversational genius of, say, Oscar Wilde, whose legendary wit enthralled his contemporaries in the salons of London.

Conversation is not meant to be a performance art or a competition, but an opportunity for mutual appreciation. And the best conversationalists are not the best talkers. They are the best listeners.

History's wisest men and women have always known this. Edmond de Goncourt said:

Never speak of yourself to others; make them talk about themselves instead. Therein lies the whole art of pleasing. Everyone knows it and everyone forgets it.

And check out this pearl of wisdom from Jean de la Bruyere:

The great gift of conversation lies less in displaying it ourselves than in drawing it out in others. He who leaves your company pleased with himself and his own cleverness is perfectly well pleased with you.

How about this from Lisa Kirk:

A gossip is one who talks to you about others; a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.

It is never necessary to try to impress your conversation partner. You can achieve that simply by demonstrating that they are worth the investment of time and attention it takes to find out what they are about.

It only takes a bit of curiosity. The idea is to find out more about the other person's attitudes, interests, nature and disposition. For too many, however, a verbal exchange is not talking and listening but rather talking and waiting to talk again. You don't learn much that way. Or score many points.

Some insist they are poor conversationalists because they are introverted or tongue-tied. In some cases, that may be true. But those who struggle may be trying too hard to say the right thing. Far more important is not succumbing to the temptation to say the wrong thing.

Don't get me wrong. Politics or religion can be fascinating subjects when open-minded friends are interested in a forthright exchange of views. (Although, in my experience, even these can be dicey.) But in a social setting? I remember being at a dinner party where a clash of political views killed the joie de vivre that had existed only moments before. Do you really want to turn an ideal dinner party with interesting people and fabulous food in a gorgeous setting into a tense, strained affair? Consider the likelihood that no one cares what you think. Good conversation is about drawing out the other, not delivering a monologue or a position statement.

The truth is we are seldom better than our conversation. What you choose to talk about – and how you choose to say it – lays you bare. Every time you open your mouth, your mind parades alongside your words.

That doesn't mean your conversation needs to be sparkling and original. Nor does it need to have a purpose or a point. Quite the opposite, in fact. The best conversations ramble. They have no pre-destination. It is all about the rhythm and flow.

In sum, good conversation is one of life's most accessible pleasures. It connects us to one another, forges friendships, increases social esteem, raises our mood, generates goodwill, enhances our information and completes our education (and boosts creativity). And while prices rise and time shrinks, it is a luxury that remains free to us all.

True, conversation won't make you hard cash richer or physically thinner, but it could save your life. It may save your marriage. As Charles Dickens said, "Never close your lips to those whom you have opened your heart."

So, we should value heartfelt conversation and not just as a stimulus for creativity. Prioritise it. And reap the many benefits of a companionable, convivial life.

Think back to a time you had a life-changing discussion. Who was it with? Where was it? How did it make you feel? That's the power of great conversation.

Use a velvet glove

The thing that connects both persuading our brains to work better and the art of good conversation is the use of the soft approach. Whether this takes the form of relaxation or listening, the best way is generally carried out with a gentle touch.

Although I've mentioned its unsuitability as a dining discursive, I'm going to use politics as an example here, because I've just finished watching Meryl Streep's latest film, The Iron Lady. If you haven't seen it, please do, because she's amazing in it. Streep's not just an actress, she's a vessel - she actually becomes the character. Streep shows us once again that she truly deserves the moniker "greatest actress of our times" by painting such a moving portrait of the frailty of old age with her talent. And that's not acting, it's being.

We could take a lesson to be like that in life, to stop being just human doings, and become more human beings.

In The Iron Lady, Streep plays the woman who was the British Prime Minister from 1979 to 1990, Margaret Thatcher (somewhat a parallel to the Reagan era for my American readers). The film focused on the human drama element that sees Streep portray Thatcher as an elderly woman struggling with dementia (a condition she has kept from the public and tried to be extremely private about) rather than as a stateswoman in her prime.

The life and death of Thatcher.

The film didn't really delve into the political archives, as Thatcher polarised people in the United Kingdom. Some hate her for being what they describe as a racist, homophobic tyrant during her time in power, while others believe she saved the country from financial crisis, making tough decisions that ultimately changed (some would say destroyed) the fabric of many British communities.

I wasn't born during those times, so I can't say what it was like from first-hand experience, but my parents say she had to make tough decisions, but pushed them through with an iron fist rather than a velvet glove, which made her (and her privatisation policies) unpopular.

We are currently going through our own difficult time financially. Austerity measures are hitting the income of individuals and families alike, and politicians are as unpopular now as I guess they were back then - with economic cuts and tax hikes raising the public's general restlessness and anger even before Thatcher came to power.

Thatcher's central message wasn't a bad one for bad times: Stand on your own two feet and be all you can be. Life is what you make it. The rewards are out there, and if you want them, go for it. But for those that didn't agree with her message, she forced out of the way. It was just the manner in which she said it (i.e., the force of pushing policies through that decimated many communities) that made her most unpopular.

Three decades later and may be some things haven't changed, but I hope that we are more enlightened today that it is not through force, but the "soft power" of the gentle touch that makes us grow - not only in terms of creativity, but in terms of humanity, too.

Yours in love,