Dare to Love

At some point it will be up to you - and only you - to make the decisions on how to live.

Whether it is who to vote for, what diet to follow, career to choose, find a partner, what expert to listen to, or what to believe about the economy. There will never be an area of life where every expert is in consensus, not in health, not in real estate, and not in fixing the economy. And that's good news. Because it gives you the opportunity to choose what is right for you.

Today, I dare you to choose love. To bring more love into your life. I dare you to live the life that you dare to live. Because taking the path less travelled, against your inner resistance and excuses, can make all the difference.

Daring is not just for silly childhood and teenage games. On the contrary, the most successful leaders and investors in the world are the most daring people of all.

Who immediately comes to mind when you think of the world's most successful leaders and investors? Maybe Warren Buffett, billionaire investing legend? Or Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, Jr., all inarguably strong leaders able to touch millions of people's hearts and lives?

And what do these successful investors and leaders have in common? That's right, every single one of them lived a daring life. They dared to challenge the status quo and fight for what they believed in.

Warren Buffett didn't look around at his peers and say to himself, "Well, they're all buying dot-com technology stocks, I guess I will, too". Instead, he is well known for sticking to the courage of his convictions and going against the grain when "everyone" else was participating in the crazy dot-com mania.

Likewise, Gandhi didn't look around at his countrymen and say, "Well, I'm sure someone else will take care of those pesky British; I think I'll have another loaf of bread." No, he too stuck to the courage of his convictions and continuously stood up for what he believed in, freeing the entire country of India in the process.

What does it mean to dare?

The dictionary tells us that dare is defined as a verb meaning, "to have the courage to do something", and as a noun meaning, "a challenge, esp. to prove courage".

And that is exactly it, to dare is to summon your courage so that it is stronger than your fear and to take action in spite of not knowing the outcome.

When was the last time someone dared you to do something? I would hazard a guess that it's been awhile, maybe even as far back as grade school, or possibly college, depending on your peer group.

It seems that as we grow up, somewhere along the way our lives become filled with responsibilities and with all of the things we feel we must do, instead of with the things we feel inspired to do or dare to do or dream to do.

This can also cause stagnancy in your love life. If you're married, you settle in to a routine, watch the nightly news, faithfully contribute to the household, and tend to the responsibilities of everyday life. But do you tend to each other? Or if you're single, you might feel as though you're stuck in a rut. But rarely do you dare to do anything different or to challenge the status quo.

Daring becomes a forgotten game of childhood, something relegated only to our memories. Do you want to live an inspiring, daring life - and attract likewise people? Do you remember the exciting feeling of playing that game of "Truth or Dare"?

In order to be successful in love and life, you must dare. Dare to live your life differently from your friends, dare to go against the grain of herd mentality, dare to take a chance and to try new ways of doing things, dare to take a stand on issues that are important to you, and most importantly, dare to be different and to challenge the status quo.

I dare you to become a leader, not a follower. I dare you to stand for something, make your life be about something, to mean something to the world and stand up for what you believe in. Go out and love someone, and someone will love you. Search for your purpose, live from your soul, love from your heart, and inspire others to do the same. The world needs good leaders; the world needs you now more than ever.

If you think life is humdrum or in a crisis, become involved. If you think you are weak, I dare you to be strong; if dull to be sparkling; if slaves to be kings and queens. I dare you, whoever you are, to share with others the fruits of your daring. Catch a passion for helping others and a richer life will come back to you.

Most importantly, I dare you to discover your unique brilliance and share it with the world.

What's holding you back?

“Why tell me the sky is the limit, when there are footprints on the moon?”
— Melody Hossaini (quoted from Paul Brandt's song "There's a World Out There")

The only thing holding you back - is you. We often have a tendency to ignore our deepest fears. Which makes sense, of course, because why would we want to think or focus on something we fear?

We're innately programmed to avert these fears, ignore them, push them down. The problem, however, is that when we do that they don't go away or play less of a role in our lives. If anything, they play a bigger, and often more unconscious role. That's the bad news.

The good news is that you can do something about these fears. You can let them go and change your life in profound ways. Whether it's a fear of being single, fear of standing out, fear of success, fear of failure - the list can go on and on.

Of course there will be times that you might need help to attain certain goals. Help and advice and inspiration from a support group is always important, but if you feel it's right for you, you might even want to hire a life coach of some kind to help you achieve your dreams. Some people might feel they can't go it alone and expect to live their dreams.

And that's fine. Whatever works best for you. Coaching about taking a player where he or she can't take himself, and for some of us, having a life coach may just be the shove we need in the right direction. Life, in some ways, can be like building or decorating a house, DIY is fun - it feels empowering and righteous to be a do-it-yourself kind of person.

Delegating the best people for jobs, checking out other people's ideas for inspiration, or getting the best advice is always a good idea if you are setting up a business, investing money, or chasing success in other areas. And I know some life coaches will run off some anti-do-it-yourself parables at you. Imagine the worse interior design nightmares you can.

And in those instances, they'd be right 99% of the time. But, I'm always highly inclined toward do-it-yourself, especially in matters of the heart, because only we can tap into our true source. In this sense, life is not like building or decorating a house. Rather, it's like changing a light bulb - bringing light to what is already there inside us.

Because all a coach can do is show you how to use the tools of success (some of which you already have), the real achievement will always be up to you.

Replace your fears with love

“All that is necessary to break the spell of inertia and frustration is to act as if it were impossible to fail.”
— Dorothea Brande

Now, I can almost hear some of you say: It's all well good and to say that we have to act to bring success into all areas of our life, but what if I fail? Well, fear of failure must never be a reason not to try something.

I'm not a big fan of heights, and so the first time I bungee jumped off from a bridge over a gorge 111 metres above the Zambezi river, I had to overcome fear. But as I stood in line for my turn, I thought, "All of these other people are doing it, so I can too." That was enough to get me to take action, and when I was at the bottom, I felt fantastic, even powerful. That's how you'll feel when you overcome your fears and take action.

I haven't yet achieved all my goals. But I keep trying. I don't give up easily, and in my allotted time, even if I can't achieve all my goals, at least I know I will have tried. That's better than living with (or dying with) regret.

But I'm realistic enough to know that we all need inspiration to take action. Some days it can take an inhumane amount of effort just to get out of bed. After all, I know that feeling, but fear of failure is one of the biggest factors holding you back from success in achieving your heart's desires.

So much fear - but what are we really scared of? Failing? Who cares, all of us fail, all the time, it's going to happen. Night is going to follow day. Being scared of it and staying inside won't stop the night.

Now I can almost hear you say: I need to overcome the fear and inertia of my life. How do I break through the fear of failure to get moving? The first step is to fight the fear of criticism.

Banish your fear of criticism

“Against criticism a man can neither protest nor defend himself; he must act in spite of it, and then it will gradually yield to him.”
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

When you fail, some folks will even be happy to hear it. So what? Let the haters hate. Thank them for the pain, because it should make you raise your game. Let the Schadenfreude begin. Let the doubters rejoice. Remove any criticism that isn't constructive and simply malicious from your mind - and get twice as motivated and inspired to work harder on your mission.

Doing so will be the best response to give, it will mean you're saying that you haven't failed. Instead, you simply shot for the stars and landed on the moon. Consider this quote from Michaelangelo:

The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.

So you have two choices.

1. You can sit at home, paralysed by the fear of failure, worried that someone, somewhere on the internet, someone that you'll never ever meet, will laugh at you.

   Hide yourself away, scared that your obnoxious friend or family member (or anyone who keeps pushing you down) who already thinks you're a failure will have proof that you are? Or have another opportunity to try and get you down?

   Whatever it is you fear, your first option is to let it kill your hopes and dreams, do nothing, and never know what could have been.

OR

2. You can give up your excuses, you can banish your fear of failure, you can stop caring about what others think of you, and you can take action on your dreams.

Listen, critics will always find something wrong with you. Plus, what's wrong with criticism? Positive criticism helps you grow. The other kind isn't even criticism. We should not only ignore it, but we should stop using it, as well. There are "hate sites" devoted to Mother Theresa, for crying out loud. If people hate her, there's going to be someone who hates you. Get over it and lose the fear of failure.

It's a selfish fear of failure, because for every day that we selfishly protect our ego behind the veil of inaction, someone with real problems sits at home without our solution to get up and act. So what if there are others with bigger problems, at least no one thinks you're a failure, right? Wrong.

Because the little dose of reality on that front is that plenty of people already think you're a failure. That's human nature. Not everyone loves you. But it doesn't matter what those people think. It's time for you to give it up, to crush your fear of failure, and change the world for the better. Or forever remain unfulfilled.

It's your choice.

If you feel you need a life coach to help you through the challenges of change - that's up to you. As I've said, I like to do things myself, but I've also learned that trying to do everything yourself, even though we're more than capable, can sometimes distract us from the most important things in life.

My "holy trinity" of meaning is my family, my health, and my writing. And, if I'm saying yes to anything else, I'm saying no to one of those things, if even for just a little while. Of course at the best of times our family and friends will be willing to forgive little diversions from the path. But we can need help to be the best person we can be and fulfil our potential.

The only time I would say to drop the hero act is when it comes to getting advice and listening to positive criticism. I help coach my closest friends with relationship issues in their dating and married life. It's not that they're not smart enough, sometimes you can be so smart you can't see the obvious staring you in the face. But all coaching or counselling does is give you the tools to find the answers for your individual dreams. That's why I always say to my friends, "Listen to your heart before you listen to me. If what I say sounds right, then you go with it."

But act! Do something!

You can't be afraid to try new things and possibly fail. We will breakthrough and learn new things about ourselves that allow us to reach new levels if we fail forward. Failure isn't bad. Failure isn't final. No matter how big of a failure you have to deal with, you can always rise up and overcome it - and even become stronger because of it. So never, ever, ever give up.

You know what I suggest? Dare to fail forward fast. Dare to do. Because life is short.

Take your dreams seriously or miss the deadline for your life

Whatever your dreams are, start taking them very, very seriously. If you still need to get inspired into action let me give you five simple words: Nobody gets old by surprise. It's true. We all know that we have a limited amount of time in this life, so why do we delay taking action on what is important to us?

Your mind is where dreams are made. Try my 90 day mind healing exercise that I use. Think about what you can accomplish if you really focus for the next 90 days. After all, that's only 0.3% of your life. Surely you can commit to that - can't you?

To put things into perspective, I want to mention former world-champion Tae Kwon Do martial artist Alwyn Cosgrove, who, in his early thirties, was being challenged with the fight for his life. Having beaten cancer once, and despite being a young, fit, the disease returned in 2006.

The survival rate for those who deal with Stage IV cancer is slim. Yet with the support of his wife Rachel, and his never-give-up attitude, Alwyn won the battle, and remains cancer free over five years later.

As a result of his life-threatening experiences, Alwyn now has less time than ever for worrying about petty details, negative people, or the minutiae that often stresses out the average person. Like Lance Armstrong, Alwyn is quick to remind people that he "only has good days and great days". There are no bad days now compared to what he had gone through in the past.

Alwyn's attitude on life reads like a cold bucket of water to the face. Now, look at where we are, in April, the entire first quarter of 2012 has already passed – we are now nearly four months into 2012. Those days are gone forever. Are you on track with those resolutions you made at the start of the year? Are you on track with your goals?

It's amazing how time passes so quickly. If you need a "do–over" then I'm going to give you one. You can redo your resolutions right now and get started all over again. Redo them every day. But don't waste a single second.

Think of it: 25% of this year is gone forever. Will you make changes today or will another 25% pass, then another 25% - and before you know it - it will be 2013. And you will find that another year of your life has passed you by. Again.

But daring to take a chance will spill out into other areas of your life, and your relationships, too. You may find yourself more calm, centred, with a keen perspective that you might not have had before.

And you'll find yourself taking stock of your efforts, and measuring and tracking your results, because you will be making progress!

So, as we enter the second quarter of 2012, take stock of your life. Plan your efforts. Remember, 25% of this year is gone forever. Where will you be at the 50% point, in 90 days time? Will you make changes today or will another three months pass, then another six - until before you know it a new year has arrived.

Don't waste a single second, because the time will pass anyway. The time is passing right now. Soon another day will be gone. Will you be any closer to your goals? If not, what can you do right now to change that?

If it's better health that you want, be proud of the healthy changes you are making in your life. There are many more folks secretly wishing someone will take charge and be a healthy role model for them. It might not happen overnight, but if you continue to lead by healthy example - without preaching or being condescending - you can build an entourage of social support and people who want to be healthy like you.

If you feel like you're spinning your wheels and not making any progress, one solution is to put more urgency into your life. Here's what you need to do.

First, identify what it is that you truly want to accomplish. Second, outline what you need to do to get there. And third, give yourself a deadline. (Bonus fourth step: Cut that deadline by 20%. Don't worry, you'll reach it. It's like putting your clock back to make you early for appointments.)

These steps are simple, but effective, because they combine the power of a vision with the urgency of a deadline to help you finally accomplish the dreams that have been on your list for what seems like forever.

And most of all, throughout your life, dare to love, rather than live with regret. Live now, for we all die later.

Yours in love,