Love in a Joyous Mind

“If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security. It may mean a giving up of familiar but limiting patterns, safe but unrewarding work, values no longer believed in, relationships that have lost their meaning. As Dostoevsky put it, ‘taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most.’ The real fear should be the opposite course.”
— Mickie Kent

I try to be as open-minded as possible, as I'm sure most people do, and often times failing, but I do try. Lately, I wouldn't be surprised if we've been having a harder time with that - especially seeing how the world works today, and how we as humans have been trained to think.

You may have noticed that there is frequently an irritating, if not depressing, discrepancy between our ideas and good intentions and how we act when we are confronted with the nitty-gritty details of real life situations. The joyous mind we're trying to cultivate to help us heal, as we get through these tough years of upheaval, seems difficult to achieve in the face of such worldwide uncertainty over the future of the human race.

For me, when I practice my daily morning routine of breathing, I try to place all these current trends towards terror in their small place against the bigger picture of things. I'll be honest with you here however: although optimism and pessimism often plague me at the same time; optimism wins out the majority of the time in the bigger picture.

Yes, we do still live in a world where it isn't safe for women to walk alone at night. Where as women, on a day where we care about how we look, we're obviously asking for unwanted attention in the form of whistles and cat noises(!) We live in a world where "no" unfortunately, does not always mean no. Where gun violence reigns supreme. And intolerance.

Even those people who have been labelled and categorised into boxes, once out of them seem only to happy to push others into theirs - from gender inferiority, to race and sexual inferiority complexes, you name it, we got an intolerance for it. We judge people we don't know, we hate each other over imaginary differences, make fun of cultural differences (however in fun it happens to be) and the list could just go on and on.

But for all those things we find untranslatable about each other, the common universal bonds bind stronger - because they go deeper. Thus, we have the collective "good", a standard stalwart society against this rising tide that threatens to pull us back into the shadows of our human past. We are in the billions, and the evil done in our name doesn't measure up to the majority of ordinary, good people that just want the freedom to live their lives in peace.

This growing global consciousness is filled with strong and opinionated women, with equally strong partners standing beside them, who aren't afraid to speak their mind. Because, ladies, that "one" who will love us unconditionally will NOT be intimated or feel insecure by our sexuality. Quite the opposite, they will be invigorated by it! They know that the world is not "run" by men, nor women, we are "run" by the world, and by our nature - which if you believe is loving at its most primordial and spiritual, then you'll also believe that as long as we stay true to those natures, love will last out these torture years.

But as a collective, this doesn't mean we sit on our ass and do nothing, either! There will be times when we need to wait out a crisis with pace and calm, but there will also be times when we need to take a stand. But it's the belief and practice of many spiritual people that in order to rebel and struggle, we need neither leaders, nor caudillos, nor messiahs, nor saviours (nor money-making gurus!). To struggle, we only need a little bit of polite disgrace, a good amount of dignity and a lot of organisation. The rest is either useful for the collective or it isn't, and the strongest weapon we have is that of peaceful protest.

This takes a large dose of courage, too. And if the secret of freedom is courage, then freedom is the secret of happiness. Happiness takes courage. As Thucydides, an Athenian historian and political philosopher said, the bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it. As the late, great Maya Angelou said, still we rise against all adversity because of that innate courage we have to rally together in times of need.

It's how the world has seen some really bad-ass women survive and inspire countless others to their cause - and all have been unified by their courage to be able to bring the joyous mind into their lives. This isn't just about thinking positively or utilising morning breathing practices that have a direct effect on our energies. Sure, they can be a part of it. Using the flow of energy to arouse or calm energy, to produce inner heat or cooling or to direct it for the restoration of health and for longevity can aid us, because we need to house our courage in strong, vital bodies and healthy minds to be able to put it to the best use for our world and local communities. But what I'm really talking about here is this: if we want love to fix us, we need to be vessels for it to achieve it. We need to take action.

Again, let me qualify here that our protest against injustice mustn't make us as intolerant as the intolerance we fight. In my mind generally, as long as you don't hurt anyone else, including animals, or yourself, I could care less what your beliefs are. Not that I'm disinterested in your beliefs, but I won't try to change them. Be who you want to be. Don't be who you don't want to be. You certainly do not need my approval.

In my daily life I am CONSTANTLY learning to understand rather than immediately judge or to be judged. I WILL NOT blindly follow the crowd and accept their approach. I will NOT allow myself to indulge in the usual manipulating game of role creation over people or cultures I've never experienced first-hand. I will protest for my opinion, but I'll also defend your right to protest yours even if it opposes mine.

Fortunately for my twin flame and me, our self-knowledge has transcended narrow-mindedness, and we have come to understand that life is best to be lived with a hopeful heart and not to be constantly conceptualised by our (often baseless) fears over difference. Despite standing against such a backdrop of dark times dotted with global crises, I'm happy, because I'm growing daily regardless. And honestly, I'm growing not knowing where the limit lies.

Often it's only with hindsight we can work out which were the events which were turning points for good or bad in our lives, and when we look back at 2014, for many it will be a year of upheavals. If the emails from my readers are anything to go by, it's been an intense year so far - and depending on what you believe in, not only has there been some pretty epic astrological configurations at work, but in numerology 2014 is a 7 year. This marks the year of the Soul.

For believers it means you've deeply felt all the ups, all the downs, and all the twists and turns of life these past seven months, and it's probably been more than you can handle at times. I know that some of my readers have felt like that, and in such circumstances the only "good advice" to give is to be able to listen and not judge.

Living in a "broken" world

We all know the world isn't what it used to be, right? Everyday our bodies are under attack because we now live in an era of relentless toxic exposure from plastics, pesticides, and obesity additives. These harmful chemicals can be found everywhere. They are in the water we drink, the foods we eat, and the very air we breathe. And don't forget about all the lotions, creams, shampoos, deodorants, and air fresheners we use. Even our cookware can be toxic. By-products from Teflon pans, plastic particles from spatulas, and cooking sprays loaded with propellants.

Dangerous compounds like insecticides, PCB's, heavy metals, benzene, dioxin, phthalates, pesticides, DDT metabolites, flame retardants, styrene, xylene and dichlorobenzene - all have been routinely found in the stool, urine and blood of average people all around the globe just like YOU. Even newborn infants, not yet exposed to the outside world, are in danger.

In 2005, the American Red Cross took samples of foetal cord blood from 10 newborns and found a shocking 287 chemicals inside the samples, which included dioxins, phthalates, pesticides, Teflon by-products, flame retardants and many others. And that's really just the tip of the iceberg. A study published in the journal Neurotoxicology took samples of the first bowel movement of 426 infants. You'll be shocked at the results: 84% contained mercury, 27% contained lead and 27% percent had DDT, a pesticide that has been banned in the United States and other developed nations for the last 25 or so years.

There's no escaping this toxic burden. It's ALL inside your body right now and it's harming your cells, causing severe inflammation, clogging up your liver, stopping your body from getting rid of unwanted belly fat - and it's ageing your body at an accelerated rate.

So, should we just lay down and accept our "fate"? Of course not. As to the current political and war-like climate of the world, and this war waged upon our bodies thanks in large part to the wonderful luxuries and conveniences the modern free world offers us is actually an opportunity for us to show "courage". The courage to change, and to adapt in a synergistic way to the modern world.

I'm sure many of us would love to go and live on a mountain in Bhutan for a few days, and as a spiritual retreat it would be a great energiser - but forever? I'm going to give you another dose of honesty here: I'm glad I live in the progressive and supportive times we find ourselves in today - no matter what our struggles at the moment, no century has been more tolerant despite the intolerances that continue to plague us for now.

As a thoroughly modern woman that means that I need to be able to live with the modern world, and bring a joyous mind to the challenges it presents. To show courage to change those aspects of my lifestyle which aren't working for me, to keep what is, and to always keep an open mind over new things to try.

Fortunately, for example, there are a few simple tweaks we can make to our daily diets that can help your body eliminate this toxic burden and get your fat loss moving again, while helping you look and feel younger. Nature has already provided us with the energy "totems" to use - in the foods we eat. And I believe we should spend more money on food. It's a necessity and there's a weird dichotomy in England, where the very poor tend to have the very worst food, and then if you look at Ethiopia, in the rural areas where they're desperately poor, they have some of the best diets.

Eating a natural surplus of vitamins from clean foods will mean our bodies could have left-over calories to heal when the need arises. Gradually, over time, our healthy living now will be an insurance for our later years. Moreover exercise, even just six seconds of activity, will help us strengthen our immune systems against toxicity and help to transform our health. Even just walking has been shown to stymie brain atrophy, while social games and activities have the power to keep you feeling young.

However, simply limiting ourselves to strict physical regimes can become a curse we had hoped would be the cure. If we allow our fears of an imaginary overtly-toxic world take hold of our actions, instead of "fixing" us will kill the joyous mind - which is the very vitality of life. Thus, along with a good diet and keeping active, we need to have a higher purpose. Getting in touch with our spiritual or religious sides will often aid in us seeing the bigger picture - that we are part of a collective who believes in charity, peace and goodwill.

We also need to be kind to ourselves, and not beat ourselves up when (not if!) we have a treat! There are times we should eat what we like. And we also need to allow ourselves time to see results, and get accustomed to newer, better habits. If it took three years to put those extra pounds on, it's not unreasonable to give yourself three years to get them all off. And if you fall off the wagon, don't throw in the towel. Slips are bound to happen occasionally. Feeling guilty about it is only going to make attaining your goals that much harder (especially if you're trying to lose weight).

Healthy workout and diet tips for weight loss.

But I also think that we shouldn't need to diet if it makes us unhappy, because our food checks should be for health reasons, not for body image reasons. There will be people who are just naturally heavier but no less healthier than their skinnier counterparts, and we need to be happy in our own bodies. A joyous mind cannot exist in a body that doesn't love itself, and love cannot "fix" us in these circumstances.

In truth, this isn't "fixing" anything, because you can't fix something that isn't broken - you'll only damage it. Likewise, growing old gracefully is a part of a healed and healing lifestyle. Fighting against old age is not only futile, it means you can't accept who you are, and even growing old disgracefully embraces both these things. Cambridge professor Mary Beard touched upon the paradox we find ourselves in growing old, and had this to say:

These two faces were vividly captured in the news last week. On the one hand, we learned of a big, sell-out discussion in central London, on "How to look hot at 100". This was a kind of "90 is the new 70" event. It featured a man who runs a blog-site, which captures, I quote, "the sartorial savvy of the senior set" and a 76-year-old grandmother keen (as I am) on Doc Martens (to be honest, the whole event brought out the counter-suggestible in me. If, unlikely as it is, I ever get to be 100, I hope I've got something better to do - I thought - than wonder how to be "hot").

This highlights the question we must all ask ourselves over our problems: Just what it we need fixing? Unless we realise that happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of travelling (as Margaret Runbeck said) and that happiness is in the heart and not in our circumstances, we will fail to understand that the happiness of our life depends upon the quality of our thoughts and the courage of our actions.

When we do finally have the courage to find ourselves with such an empowering mindset, we'll only care about body image insofar as we are healthy enough to see out our higher goals, and not because of some superficial body image we have been trained to see as "beautiful". Because what we're cultivating in those circumstances is not happiness but our own misery.

Read the 21 habits of happy people.

It's not realistic, and we need to be grounded in our own realities to find enough love for a joyous mind. And this doesn't mean we will always be calm and serene, either, because we can't be! Remember slip backs will happen. Make no mistake, to err is human. And sometimes, we not only learn more from our mistakes, but they can be a form of positive release, too, as long as we learn to "turn" these episodes into loving opportunities, and train ourselves not to get disheartened.

For instance, if I'm to be frank, my twin flame doesn't always have the cleanest mouth. He swears a little more often than I'd like him to (though sometimes it feels good when I get out a couple expletives, too). But you know what? I don't really care. And neither should you. If you find yourself angry, excited, worked up or just want to relieve a little pressure, there's no harm in letting go of a couple of words that might otherwise make you - or your mum - cringe. After all, they are only words. And although they may be slightly unpleasant to the ears, research shows that swearing has its health benefits.

What are these benefits? As I read in two small studies from Keele University in the United Kingdom, swearing could help people withstand physical pain and cope with emotional and frustrating experiences. Swearing appears to trigger a fight or flight response that results in a release of endorphins to limit pain and calm. (I can attest to that).

For example, if I stub my toe, am overwhelmed with stress, or find myself in a conversation where I'm discussing a topic I'm passionate about, I'm likely going to say a couple of words that aren't necessarily part of everyone's daily vocabulary or are particularly cherished. I find doing so not only helps me feel less pain and frustration, but it allows me a form of release. The mere act of saying these words does something to me on an emotional and psychological level that brings an element of relaxation, comfort, and freedom.

Don't lock your feelings or yourself away, open yourself up. Open yourself up to your loss, anger, upsets - let them all in, and then let the negativity in each one go. Turn them towards love. We need to share what we feel, if not with others, certainly with ourselves. Don't be afraid of internal chatter - it doesn't mean you're crazy! Sometimes we have to silence it to get us "into the zone" when we need to focus (meditation is good for this), but statistics show over 90% of us engage in some form of beneficial internal chatter. And sharing what we feel with others is also important.

What we need to be aware of is delivery - how we share what we feel. Similarly as constant swearing will just switch people off to us, the point isn't to find someone we can unburden ourselves on constantly - it's about not being afraid to tell people how we feel.

Sometimes, people just need a release. There are societal pressures that often limit our behaviour, and language is a place where these limits are regularly enforced. When you become frustrated, swearing can cause a moment of freedom from these bottled-up feelings.

If you think back to arguments you might have had, or situations you might have found yourself in, when you were emotional, stressed out, or passionate, you may have let go of a curse word or two. And although it's unlikely the person you were talking to, or the people in earshot, were happy to hear it, it probably made you feel slightly better. And releasing these emotions, rather than withholding, is healthier for you, as long as you don't allow them to take hold - as they can be addictive. Often the line between what is constructive and destructive is a subtle one requiring balance, and this is when love comes in so handy, as it is THE great balancer.

So, don't imagine I swear all the time. But in those situations where you feel like you need to, go ahead! Just be sure not to direct them at anyone personally, as that could lead to more harm than good.

How to discover your own joyous mind

“All that spirits desire, spirits attain.”
— Khalil Gibran

Perpetual happiness is unrealistic (and this hyper-unrealism makes the world look worse than it really is), but the freedom to pursue happiness is a human right. We shouldn't be too hard on behaviours caused by joy, or feel shame in them, or feel that we shouldn't try to "punch above our weight" (although I personally dislike that term).

Was it Michelangelo that has been attributed to the saying: The greatest danger for most of us is not that we aim too high and we miss it, but we aim too low and reach it? No matter, the intention is right, and said much better. A wish is a desire without energy, and we need to put courage, faith and conviction into our energies that we all deserve happiness, or at least deserve the freedom to explore what it is that makes us individually happy. We need to have the courage to believe that, and believe enough to aim deservedly high.

Courage is a form of higher power. It's something no one needs to give you, but you can attain freely. Courage gives you clarity, and focus. For instance, if you are single, instead of thinking, I'm looking for someone to love me, courage gives you the clarity to say: I'm looking for someone to love. And when you widen your inner horizons, your whole world expands. Add to your already abundant talents of what you can give to a loved one, or to the world, and see those talents reap what is sown by your desires.

Don't do this just for a relationship, do it for yourself. Do it to find joy in every area of your life. In every moment of your life. Once you achieve this, you'll discover that anything is possible. When you shut yourself away because of fears (that aren't really your own) nothing good will materialise in your life. But once you find the courage to take direction of your life, you'll find that asking yourself the right questions, and finding the right answers will get easier.

The first step begins with you. Action does not begin with the act, but in the brain. Even if you think you're acting without thinking, often the brain has been influencing that action due to a series of complex subconscious manoeuvres. If we can make more of our decisions act with full focused thought, then we become more focused to use our brain to take our life to the next level. Doing so will strengthen the emotional connection with ourselves and promote situations for a mentally balanced life, which can weather the storms that will inevitably come our way.

Striking the right balance will be unique to you. It will include many "failed" attempts. Your own journey will be filled with trial and error. And that is as it should be. Think of yourself as an enterprise to achieving happiness in your life: as an entrepreneur is driven, extremely hard working and totally focused on the business they are developing, you need to use those same set of skills to develop joy in your own life.

I use "happiness" and "joy" interchangeably here, although they are not really, but they SHOULD be. What we conceptualise as "joy" is the happiness we can choose to take hold of in life. Often life may feel like a session in a bullring, where we are the bull. While the matador is there by choice, the bull is not. And the bull dies every time, apart from rare occasions where both bull and matador perform exceptionally well. In these cases, the bull's life is spared, but more often than not, it ends in a bloody mess.

As the bull, we lack hindsight, or knowledge of what move will take us where. How can we can navigate through our troubles without hindsight? Well, the trick is being so attune with yourself that you don't have to. Life (like the traditional British weather - which has been unsettled this summer with hot days dispersed by showers, thunderstorms and longer spells of rain) is filled with uncertainty. If the rumours are true, Britain will soon be seeing the hottest summer in 300 years, but with current showers, who knows?

Hindsight is like a weather forecast for your life: you might not be able to guess what is ahead with pin-point certainty, but you can protect yourself to be ready for anything that comes your way. Having a joyous mind helps you see clearly, and also to see every challenge as merely a small detail within the bigger, better picture of your life - and thus deal with it accordingly.

For instance, a positive outlook can aid us in outlining a way out, to navigate this year's soulfully intense energy with ease. It may already be July, but you still have five months ahead of you. It's not too late to manifest the abundance, fulfilment and joy waiting for you this year. But you do have important choices to make. To think. To act. With joy.

If this is indeed the year of the Soul, then we need to choose to give it a joyful voice, and start making better informed decisions. See it as medical treatment, if you want. It will not only strengthen our immunity, but enrich the quality of our lives. Joy can be soul food for the brain.

Power Up Your Emotional Brain

Our brain is the best technology on the earth, and we need to learn how to enhance it to be better connected - not only with ourselves, but each other, to truly help create a world where we all get on better than we currently are.

Read why you should love you brain.

Emotions are powerful, and access the higher part of the brain. If we learn how to manage our emotional brain to empower ourselves, we can build up a priceless reserve of cognitive wealth.

Science tells us that we can - for sake of simplicity - divide the brain into three parts.

The lower, brain stem houses the instinctive brain, which pumps our heart, helps us to breathe without thinking about it, and to instinctively react without thinking about it (which we are told we shouldn't do in modern times outside of times in emergency, as it obstructs rational decision-making).

We also have our higher intellectual brain that makes the rational decisions. But it's believed we have an emotional brain located in the centre of our brain, too, which is where we should be operating from - coordinating the whole brain to make sure we are operating harmoniously.

This emotional third part harmonises the best of both worlds - acting as a bridge between the instinctive and intellectual brain - in effect adding our self to the decision making process. Similar to cognitive methods that broach depression and deep rooted psychological problems by challenging our thoughts and behaviours, this emotional brain training approach makes us mindful of the power our feelings have over us. It allows the creation of a mental third space for our instinctive and rational sides to act together.

This unity connecting with your emotional brain brings, creates an awareness of where you are operating from, and, in that instance, changing your thoughts with feeling makes pathways to our higher intellectual brains to direct our emotions in ways that empower us, instead of disabling or sabotaging our decision-making processes.

Rather than keeping us connected to the brain stem, it links us to the higher intellectual brain, and thus allows us to respond better to life, people and everything else around us. With practice, it can be a great weapon to use in times of crisis to alleviate stress, to help us make rational decisions with a mindful, and joyful heart.

Our powers to peacefully persist are perfected through joy, modesty, wisdom and gratitude - higher emotions which link us from above to below, allowing us to receive the power and efficacy of things above and of things below our consciousness. And whatever is hidden in us should be similar to what we show outside, because their suppression affects us negatively whether we realise it or not.

The real secrets to life are true and remote from all cover of lying - even the lies we tell to ourselves. Once we understand this connection with truth, the marvels of life can be procured and perfected though our authentic nature, whether that be the nature that turns the world, or our own nature that tells us life is a marvellous journey: a journey to joy that begins when we are born.

But as we try so foolishly to "run" both our own nature and the world, we often forget the destination is death, and that the journey is far superior to the destination. Thus we should not seek joy after death, but seek it in life, and make that journey worthwhile every single day, because the distance we each get to travel is a mystery.

And getting where you want to go in life is not about finding a short cut, it's about putting in the required time and effort. You have to set goals and fulfil your commitments, even when no one would notice but you - and know in your heart why doing so matters. It's time to bring out the best in you, whatever that may be - and don't sell yourself short, carry yourself tall.

With this newly found courage, it's said that we can harmonise our instincts and our intellect with our emotions and founder a world that manifests our desires. It's even believed by some that it's only by such means that you can acquire the glory of the whole world, and drive away all shadows and blindness from your life. Some call these secrets the philosophy of the whole universe, but whatever name you choose for it, simply put it's about bringing the joyous mind to your life.

So, before we throw the baby out with the bath water and give up on this year completely, we need to remember that these turning points are as "good" or "bad" as our responses to them. We need to befriend our lives, be a friend to others, find joy in things, show gratitude for our "ordinary" lives (especially when we read about the war torn lives of people across the world currently) and honour our soul's purpose soon.

Unless we do, we shall let 2014 continue to get the better of us, travelling without a rudder as we try to navigate this patch of dark waters. You can still learn to better navigate this year's soulfully intense energy with ease, however, to bring a joyous mind to life, and attract more abundance, fulfilment and joy in 2014 (and it's not too late to make this year your best yet!)

Just open yourself up and trust in who you are, and allow the joy of it to fill your mind. Only then will life stop being a bullfight you feel destined to lose, and become a dance whose steps you're destined to learn.

Yours in love,