Wednesday, 21 March 2012

Healing Loneliness with Love


Chakras of the heart
“One of the deepest longings of my heart was the longing for love and I never found it.”
— Bertrand Russell
It's one of the facts of life that we shall all become bedfellows with loneliness and the heartache it brings. And this will conjure up in us a biblical longing, like the Christian story of Creation. The longing felt by Adam for a rib-mate was so strong that being with God in the Garden of Eden could not stop his loneliness.

And we've all had that wish sometime or another in our lives, to fall asleep and wake up with our own Eve, or Adam in front of us.

I wake up beside my twin flame everyday, and I begin the day by giving thanks for my many blessings. My true love ended my loneliness, because he is not only the right man for me, but the ultimate man for me. I feel after searching so long, I have finally come home. However, my loneliness wasn't because I was single. I've known unhappily married couples who have been together, and also been very, very alone.

Naturally, the important point here is love. But is love really the panacea to loneliness? Some see loneliness as beyond love, never to be put to sleep by it, or become the medicine for lonely, heart-broken souls. Writer D H Lawrence saw the problem of loneliness as beyond love - seeing it not as the root, but just mere branches.

There is a beyond in you and me which is further than love… beyond the scope as [some] stars are beyond the scope of vision…

Muddying the meaning of love

Although, if love seems to be an empty answer to loneliness for Lawrence, could it be because in the first place, we've confused its meaning? It may be we don't know what love is meant to be any more, because it's quite far from the original blueprint. The usage of love in the world today through media and pop culture has left love soulless.

Caught in the hype that to stop being lonely we need to stop being single, we feel we need to have sex as often as possible. First date sex has become obligatory almost in some areas, and websex might be a new term for many of us, but it's a growing phenomenon among Internet users, especially tech-savvy teens. Aside from Facebook and other similar social networking sites, clandestine meets for sex have become so popular that sites just for sex meets have now become the norm - where ideally this should be in a safe environment with a trusting partner.

Websex or online dating?Likely for some, sites for websex means seeing people as products, where we market ourselves, adding one more facet of life that suggests people are things for sale. If we use people like commodities, we may suddenly end up with our lives filled with so many somebodies that we used to know (or not even remember), it will depress us. Moreover, the reality of engaging in websex activity has also meant that many men - and women - are now reluctant to do the work required to commit to a relationship, with sex now a commodity that is available at the touch of a button.

Each to their own as long as no one gets hurt, I always say. And there's no denying that social media has given us more freedom and connected us globally in ways we could have never imagined. It must be so liberating if you come from an isolated community where you don't feel comfortable expressing yourself, or feel part of that community, to have the opportunity to meet like-minded people. It reassures you that you're not alone in your feelings, while allowing you to express yourself physically and sexually; I can understand how it can be a learning, growing experience.

Only remember, people looking for sex are rarely looking for love, and if you look for love in these places - you might find it - but more often than not, you'll find heartache. When we confuse this type of sex as love, we're stripping off from its original content, and meets like these will often mean that we return to square one - where we still feel empty, sad and lonely. Love becomes a conundrum - a puzzle - because we have confused it with either a pleasurable high, sex or a hole we fall into - and loneliness steps far out of the reach of its nemesis.

Daily life can result in boredom, and to break the monotony, the danger of websex can be exciting, it can feel sexy to some. Websex provides a shot of adrenalin into the arm of life, but it can't provide the answer to your loneliness. For that - and for the true meaning of love - we must look elsewhere.

In its truest form love heals loneliness

Sex is best in a loving and trusting relationshipSoul, is the key word here. We can easily muddy the word of love without soul. I know of no other picture of love than the one of my twin flame; it encompasses friendship, familial and romantic love, because it encompasses my soul.

Make no mistake, I, just as much as anyone, know the benefits social media has provided for our generation, as I met my true love in answer to a question he'd raised about his sick dog Cassie on a veterinary Twitter account for client pets. When we eventually met, it was a long courtship, where I discovered that love, in its truest form, overwhelms even the loneliest of souls.

You need love with a soul, because true love is defined in terms that change the very core of our beings. It's a major picture that all of us can see – and follow if we just open our eyes and minds, and use our hearts.

Left alone without this realisation of love's truest form, we'll fall short in trying to "cure" our loneliness - even if we have all the romance in the world. It's said that King Solomon, who had a thousand romantic affiliations in his lifetime, named the phenomenon meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

If you want more than just hot air, you must focus your life and look to the soul. Sex is an important communicator between a couple in a loving relationship, and I liken twin flame sex to tantric sex, because it's sex with soul. But sex without soul is an empty vessel that drains you - and loneliness is like that, too.

Of course if you're feeling lonely in a loving relationship, then it could be a different type of loneliness. Because like love, loneliness can take on different forms. But if love is the answer to loneliness, why do some "happily" married people feel lonely?

Not without a true understanding of love, can we really love others, that's why we have to learn to love ourselves while we are single. This will prepare us for when we find our true love - it will even helps us attract it - but first we must bring some soul into our lives.

Click here for things to do when single.

Our soul needs loving - and possibly that's the real cause for the deep longing beyond love described by Lawrence: the love we need for ourselves.

Can it be, in fact, the very reason why most of us have an aching heart, especially those who sleep around, because we long to be connected with our own soul? I think it is.

And once we understand that those who need attention are longing to truly love themselves, the picture becomes clear. They can't believe they can love themselves, so they look for others to do it for them. And the longing they feel is like the longing for true love - it's a feeling of homesickness. That's why finding yourself, and finding true love, is like coming home.

Thinking of you with love,

Mickie Kent