Take Action with Love

One of my best girlfriends and I had lunch the other day to catch up with each other's lives, and the subject came on to singles. She split up from her partner of 5 years about a year ago now, and is still single.

After having the sense to get out of a bad relationship, she was telling me how the past year had been a huge eye-opener for her and she was loving every moment of what she called her "singlehood".

Click here for things to do when single.

As we sipped our wine over a cold meat lunch, my friend explained to me how, for her, singlehood is the time in your life where you have the greatest degree of flexibility and freedom to do whatever you want. You can be more spontaneous, independent, selfish, and adventurous because there can be less commitments and more time to pursue the things you want to do; you can make your life into anything that you want it to be as you're completely in the driver's seat.

She also said how other aspects of her identity (career, family, friends, pets) gained more emphasis, as she had more time to focus on these relationships.

Feeling energised, her self-esteem had fully returned - and I was reminded of the modern adage that when we feel good about and love ourselves, we are better able to love others.

The benefits of being single

More importantly, though, you're responsible only for yourself and can make choices and major decisions without having to take another into account or to have to answer to anyone - meaning you have more time to focus on your personal development in preparation for the time love comes along.

Being single puts you in the ideal position for cultivating yourself to reach your fullest potential as an individual. It's an opportunity for self-exploration and investing in your own personal growth and development. That's why it's the ideal time to learn what's needed to be fully prepared for love when you find it - to experiment safely with your sexuality, and to explore different types of relationships to see what's right for you.

Singlehood is fertile ground for learning about who you are and what your needs are. Harville Hendrix says it best in his book, Keeping the Love You Find:

Singleness would be recognized as a vital stage of the journey to maturation, a time to learn about who we are, to learn responsibility and self-sufficiency, to identify our true desires, and to confront our inner strengths and demons, a time to make changes in the things that stymie our pleasure and progress in life, to learn how to connect and communicate on all levels. It would be sorely needed relationship training.

And with the ability to enter in and out of situations with relative ease and to meet a variety of new people thanks to social networking sites, for those of us still single this should be the golden age. A time where we can quite literally randomly meet people on the other side of the world.

However let me just add a little proviso here: Don't let technological advances become a substitute for the real thing, or you could end up feeling more isolated from real interactions with people than ever before. And web meets just for sex could make you feel worse, because it could be the promise that never actually delivers.

Another point my girlfriend made was that getting back into the dating game had taught her making advances is no longer a boy thing! Putting herself out there had given her a new found confidence with the opposite sex, and her self-esteem a much needed boost.

I asked her during our informative lunch if she had any tips for my single readers who contacted me for advice, and she said the first thing was to "take action", but to do this with "a focus on love".

Before we parted to meet again next month, I requested that she send me an action checklist for singles that I could share with my readers, and she was happy to oblige.

Active steps for navigating your single life

The following are some practical tips and suggestions for managing your singlehood to promote a positive acceptance and enjoyment of this special time in your life as provided my friend.

But remember, as with anything you do in life, work out if it works for you, then make whatever adjustments you need to make to create the results that you want. Let your intuition guide you, to make learning about yourself fun. And always take action with love!

• Create a checklist of the opportunities that being single affords you and start living them!


• Start a journal about your single-status and what it means to you. Answer the following questions:
  1. Why am I single? How do I feel about that?
  2. What do I want from being single?
  3. What thoughts, feelings, and behaviours hold me back from being able to embrace this time of my life?
  4. How do I contribute to my own self-fulfilment when single? Or how do I sabotage myself?
  
  
• Don't deny your feelings or ignore your desire for a relationship. Process these feelings in your journal and write about ways you can create more meaning and purpose in your life.


• Identify the biggest challenges you face with being single and develop goals to defeat them.


• Develop affirmation cards. Grab some index cards and write positive thoughts, motivational statements, advantages and opportunities of being single, and self-improvement goals onto the cards. Read them to yourself daily to begin internalising the messages. Alternatively, stick the cards in a jar and during times of loneliness or depressive dips, refer to the cards for a quick pick-me-up. You can also hang them on your wall, make them part of the décor by using inspiration decals.


• Identify things you've always been meaning to do or try but never made the time to pursue or learn. Take action.


• Build your support system, join a class, volunteer for a cause that's meaningful to you, commit yourself to health and wellness. Be active.


• And last, but certainly not least: Live your life to the full! Make it count!

Yours in love,