Wednesday 21 March 2012

Focus Your Life on Love

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Instructions for life
“Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars; to be satisfied with your possessions but not content with yourself until you have made the best of them; to despise nothing in the world except falsehood and meanness, and to fear nothing except cowardice; to be governed by you admirations rather than by your disgusts; to covet nothing that is your neighbour’s except his kindness of heart and gentleness of manners; to think seldom of your enemies, often of your friends...and to spend as much time as you can with body and with spirit. These are the little guideposts on the footpaths to peace.”
— Henry Van Dyke

I often ask my girlfriends, how often do you look at the world around you and wish you could change it? The truth is, any change you want to manifest starts with you. But when you look within, can you feel your potential? If not, what changes can you make about your beliefs and your inner dialogue, which you carry out with yourself each day?

Achieving to turn your negatives into positives is not easy; you need to work from the inside, out. Decide on happiness first, and make it a way of travel, not a destination you're trying to reach. Fully appreciate what you have; don't focus on what you don't, because you can get addicted to sadness. Too many people think that "things" they receive and own will make them happy. but the best things in life aren't things at all. The truth is, those with everything are often the most unsatisfied individuals out there!

In times of crisis, I say to myself: This is your life. Your ONLY life. What you do with each minute matters. You must make every moment count. You must take every opportunity to knock down what stands in the way of the life you dream about and deserve. Knock down the barriers. Build the tunnel that connects your dreams with reality.

Now, you may wonder how to achieve this. Firstly, get busy loving. Let love be the force that drives you. Even if you're single. Because you don't need to be romantically involved to have love in your life.

Let love be the driving force in your life

Many of us, when we think of love, will usually first think of romantic love. For example Valentine's Day, the day we've given to love, is generally celebrated with this in mind. We define love in terms of the pleasure we feel, the materials we see, something that arouses our emotions and even the touching of our sensualities and hormones – something sexual, or spiritual, a fluttering of the heart. It's the major subject of most books and films. Expressions of romantic love now dominate pop songs, pulp fiction, films and TV dramas.

And romantic love is a beautiful thing. It draws hearts together, changes lives, and is the foundation of family. But paramount as the role of romantic love is in our lives, when single people fall into the trap of thinking it's the only type of love out there, all that does is help feed into the hype of single people as stereotypical lonely individuals, bitter against those who have partners, seeking to isolate ourselves from the world as though they're not worthy of being loved.

Lonely heartConjure up the image of the lonely guy or gal in the movies; you know the one, who feels Valentine's Day was made against him or her, and spends the entire day shut away in bed, or drowning his or her sorrows in a large bottle of red wine.

Lonely people can get like that. But being single doesn't necessarily have to mean you're lonely. It's important to avoid glamorising relationships because people stuck in wrong ones can be lonely, too. It's also important to realise that having a boyfriend or girlfriend does not take away problems that you may already have in your life. And love is more than your libido. There are different types of love - the love between friends, the love for your parents, the passion you have for an interest or in your work. If you start focusing on the love already apparent in your life, other forms of love will find you out, because you won't be hiding yourself away.

Eventually you'll find yourself knocking down all obstacles in your path – no matter how big they are. They can all be broken down to insignificant pieces of gravel with the support of your friends, your parents, and your passions. Knock down the walls between your dreams with the force of love.

Of course, it won't happen overnight. You'll have to work at it. You'll have to plan. But you also have to believe in yourself. You have to have hope. No one can take away your belief in yourself or the hope you can have for a better future unless you let them. Consider what sage and philosopher Epictetus is quoted to have said:

Do you think anybody can damage your soul? I laugh at those who think that they can damage me. They do not know who I am. They do not know what I think. They cannot even touch the things which are really mine and with which I live.

Dare to hope when all seems bleak. Hope is what will keep you going to create the life you dream about and deserve. It's hope that drives you - that leverage inside that the naysayers and doubters can't get to, that they can't touch. It's yours as long as you believe.

Let love lift your soul

The second focus, is one that will happen as a direct result of bringing more love into your life - it will lift your soul.

Harnessing love to our mind set will mean that gradually our soul is being elevated, no matter how and who we love, and this in turn will mean that we attract situations, people, and experiences in our lives that reflect who we are and what we focus on. Negativity about being single will only mirror, magnify, and attract more negativity.

Hearts togetherEventually, when we accept love in our lives in all its forms, it will provide people for us to love and who love us in return. And if we love our soul, our soul takes care of us, regardless of how we appear to others.

Be aware, too, that love honours us when we honour our soul by celebrating our personal authenticity. Love gives us the strength to insist that we have an obligation to the world and to our soul, to become our best selves. We can do this by taking charge of our single status, and crafting it into being the most meaningful and fulfilling time of our life by aligning it to a life vision of self-improvement and purpose.

Ultimately, if we put the time we're single to good use, it will be time well spent. Don't waste it moping! Being single provides us with many opportunities for self-growth, fun, and preparing for our life partner when we eventually meet him or her. Take advantage of this crucial time in your life to accomplish your life goals, improve your self-esteem, work through any internalised phobias you may be struggling with, and build your interpersonal skills. Appreciate this time of your life and don't measure your happiness, or worth as a person, on your relationship status.

Love life, and life will love you back. Believe in yourself to find yourself. Then be true to yourself. And be happy with who you are. Because it's not who you are that holds you back but who you think you're not.

Lovingly yours,

Mickie Kent

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