Five Steps to Your Twin Flame

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They say love only comes around once, but that's not true. Your twin flame only comes around once, but love will come to us many times, and in many guises, sometimes in the form of a soulmate.

Click here for the difference between a soulmate and twin flame.

Not all relationships are meant to last forever, even when you're in love. Some love stories are short stories, but they are love stories all the same. All will be learning curves, and rehearsals for those who will be lucky enough to eventually end up with their twin flame in their lifetime, but all steps there will be special nevertheless. Sometimes the first step is just as memorable as the last.

It's for this reason that sometimes we can get confused whether the guy or gal we're with is actually our twin flame or not. Most of us are born with this inherent need to search, to walk the world thinking: There’s got to be someone for me. It’s not too much to ask. Just someone to be with. Someone to love. Someone to give everything to. Someone.

In response to those of us in this situation, I give five indicators that help point the way to our twin flame below, but remember these are for guidance purposes only. You will have to custom fit them to your own individual situation. However, the main principles stand, so for true love enlightenment, read on:

1. Just because you have problems in your relationship, this doesn't mean he/she is not your twin flame. In fact, one of the main indicators of love is that you love someone, despite all the problems you face. No relationship is perfect, ever. I have problems with my twin flame now and again. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater. The important thing you must ask yourself is this: Is the love we have for each other bigger than our small differences? That's the key. It's like a big pie chart, and the love in a relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love in a normal relationship can make up for a lot, love in a twin flame relationship makes up for everything.
2. Just because a relationship has ended this doesn't mean it wasn't your twin flame. This is a difficult one, and some "twin flame purists" will not agree with me, as they believe that when you meet your twin flame all obstacles should immediately lift, because if you were meant to be together, then you will be. However, we are living in an age of great change and confusion, and nothing is ever that easy. The person we love might be our twin flame, but that doesn't mean our relationship will be handed to us on a plate.

   Be warned that the love for your twin flame never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness. And the worse thing is to kill off a story halfway because of the commitments and problems suffered from other relationships, where we haven't taken the lessons learned, but just remembered the hurt instead. One indicator if we have done this is, when something is really over, we feel it, but when we end it with our twin flame, we know it will never be over, because true love stories never have endings. It will just be that we won't be able to see it to the end, because we were afraid to risk all. And if you have that one guy or girl in your life that you passed on, or the relationship ended, but that you could never forget, then it is a strong sign that you've had your time with your twin flame in this lifetime.

3. Just because he/she is your twin flame, reading each other's minds can take time. So be open with each other! Sigmund Freud called human beings funny. We long to be with the person we love, but refuse to admit it openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worse, returned. If the natural hesitation you feel is stronger than the pull of attraction you feel, then it is likely he/she is not your twin flame. However, this doesn't mean that we will immediately have a telepathic link to our twin flame, either. Make no mistake, the link will be there, but we aren't all taught to be intuitive in that way. For some of us, it will take time to discover that link with your twin flame - but that is half the fun!

   Freud also said the one thing about human beings which puzzled him the most was our conscious effort to be connected with the object of our affection even if it means running the risk of killing ourselves slowly from within. If that concious effort is stronger than you've ever felt it before, and it's reciprocated, then there's a 90% chance you've found your twin flame. And don't worry about "killing yourself" for love, because your twin flame's love will not harm you, it will resurrect you, and set you free if you let it. As in the words of Maya Angelou:

   “Love costs all we are
   and will ever be.
   Yet it is only love
   which sets us free.”

4. Just because you haven't found your twin flame, don't lose faith. Again, I hate to bring reality into this, but a love relationship is hard work, whether it's with a twin flame, a soul mate, or (simply?) a friendship with benefits. Love in all its forms means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love. The Dalai Lama is once quoted to have said that we should take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk, and this is very true.

   This also means that we won't find our twin flame by just waiting for the fates to place him/her into our laps. Having faith is not just about believing in destiny, but believing in yourself, and we need to take part in "the one true language of the universe" as Paulo Coehlo described it, if it is to speak back to us. Let us not forget that love is the pure language of the world. A language without words that we learn instinctively. It requires no explanation, just as the universe needs none as it travels through endless time. But it does require faith, and action, and the courage to take a risk. Because love comes to those who still hope although they've been disappointed, to those who still believe although they've been betrayed, to those who still love although they've been hurt before. So, keep the faith, or you run the real risk of losing your twin flame once you've found him/her (remember point 2!).

5. Just because you're sexually attracted to someone this doesn't mean they are automatically your twin flame, or vice versa. Don't get me wrong, sex is important. It is one of the ways we speak to one another; we connect and can even heal each other on a physical level through sexual intercourse. But for twin flames, love begins in the mind, and in the soul, it is not so superficial as to be only skin deep. For that reason when we first encounter our twin flame, we are attracted to their eyes, because it is a gateway to the soul. Each soul looks upon the other, and will recognise their other half, as if to say Oh, there you are, I've been looking for you, and will want to come together to become a whole.

   Click here for 5 secret tantric tips for twin flames.

   Sex is one of the (very enjoyable) ways we do that, but there are a myriad of other ways of connecting with your twin flame. Sometimes a single touch is enough, sometimes making love three times a day is never enough.

Yours in love,